Monthly Archive

“Vowing to avoid poison ivy is making a rash promise.”... read more..

Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria." Next to it, a student add... read more..

Atlanta State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75.He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"The driver says, "Bout what?"... read more..

There was a man at a gas station, pumping gas into his truck. While pumping he got gas on his arm. He wiped some of it off, then forgot about it. He paid for his gas and got in the truck.As he was ... read more..

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of your pumpkin by its diameter?A: Pumpkin Pi... read more..

A good pun is its own reword.... read more..

The Head of The Church of Humor is the Puntiff.... read more..

An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"To which a small voice from the back of the room responded "The small investor... read more..

A father gave his teenage daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday.An hour later, while wandering through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen floor. "... read more..

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor."'Putt' is correct," he replied."'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' mean... read more..

One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?"As I thought of a simple explan... read more..

The British threatened to draw and quarter George Washington if they caught him.Isn't it ironic that Americans drew him on a quarter?... read more..

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked... read more..

Sunday after church a mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the mom was perplexed. Later in the... read more..

Once upon a time there was a village up in the mountains and in this village lived the Tibet Refugees Isolated from Danger, or TRIDs. Now, the TRIDs of this village had a problem. There was a giant ... read more..

A racetrack is a place where the windows clean the people.... read more..

“There probably aren't many Jewish girls dancing at Radio City Music Hall, but it doesn't take a Rockette Zionist to figure that one out.“~ Gary Hallock... read more..

Late one evening, while sitting and looking out their kitchen window somewhere in northern Russia, Rudolf and his wife Tanya were observing the inclement weather."This rain is going to make a mess out... read more..

Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?"The boss answered, "As soon as you do."... read more..

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me.""Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?""The electric company, the telepho read more..

Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there. "What happened?" asks the first officer. "Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran ... read more..

A rancher let his cows roam anywhere they wished. He lets the chips fall where they may.... read more..

Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen:I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM.When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a tower.I was STRANDed and w... read more..

Rodents had overrun a posh private school near New York City. So the headmaster asked a health inspector to deliver a slide presentation to teachers and students, showing how to remedy the situation, ... read more..

A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plane in Mississippi.Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I b... read more..

I'm writing a book about the recession. It starts with Chapter 11.... read more..

A new young bride calls her mother in tears.She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him.""Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.""No, mother, you do... read more..

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.... read more..

Having been raised on CD's, I asked my hippie uncle how records were in the old days. He said, "Groovy."... read more..

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked."Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowne... read more..