One-liners

The only squat I'm doin' is Diddly!

I got an email explaining how to read maps backwards. It was spam.

Well, well, well, if it isn't the bridge I said I'd cross when I came to it.

My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday. 

I asked her, "How small?"

She replied, "Just you, me, and the principal."

So why is it that when Star Trek 'boldly go where no one has gone before' they always find someone there?

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures - it's my face.

My patience is basically like a gift card. Not sure how much is left on it but we can give it a try.

I am now "take a picture of labels with my phone so I can blow it up bigger and read it" years old.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades.

I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven.

I am often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

I have good problem solving skills, but my problem creating skills are where I really shine! 

I'm so jealous of people who know how to shut up ... I shut up and subtitles come out my face. 

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right ... We do have food at home.

The secret to a clean kitchen is simple - Don't cook. Ever.