“A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.”
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
“A woman's work is never done. So why bother?”
“All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power.”
“Allowance is what you pay your kids to live with you.”
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have - the older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
“Anuther grate mind ruened bi thu educashin sistym.”
“As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn't let me play with.”
“As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.”
“As soon as I get some grip on reality, I'm going to choke it.”
“Ask me about my vow of silence.”
“Be different: conform.”
“Before you criticize someone, make sure you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes!”
“Being vague is just as bad as that other thing.”
“Birds of a feather flock together and aim for your car.”
“Birthdays are good for you ... the more you have the longer you live.”