“Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.”
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
“Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.”
“Bumper sticker on Wall Street: My other Porsche is for sale.”
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.”
“Computer message I'd like to see: Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.”
“Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are.”
“Confidence is that feeling you have just before you fully understand the situation.”
“Confidence is what you feel before you comprehend the situation.”
“Denial: How an optimist keeps from becoming a pessimist.”
“Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I drive by again?”
“Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.”
“Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.”
“Employment applications always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency; I think you should write "911"!”
“Everyone is entitled to my opinion.”