Entertainment

A pastor was leaving his area and was saying farewell to his congregation at the Church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said "Your successor won't be as good as you."

"Nonsense", said the pastor, in a flattered tone.

"No, really", said the old lady, "I've been here under five different ministers and each new one has been worse than the last."

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman.  He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr.  Williams.  I've known you since you were a young boy.  And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.  You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.  You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned.  Not knowing what else to do he pointed across he room and asked, "Mrs.  Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do.  I've known Mr.  Bradley since he was a youngster, too.  I used to baby-sit him for his parents.  And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me.  He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.  The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state.  Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.  In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse yells, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

A young man wanted to get his beautiful goober wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary.  So he decides to buy her a cell phone.  She is all excited, she loves her phone.  He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the goober goes shopping.  Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?"

She replies "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"