Monthly Archive

"A horse may be coaxed to drink, but a pencil must be lead."- Stan Laurel read more..

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more!!!It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely... read more..

What do you call a chiropractor for pets?An animal cracker.... read more..

I call my pet amphibian "Tiny" because he's "my newt." --P. Jackson... read more..

Photons have mass!? I didn't even know they were Catholic.... read more..

I got a package envelope in the mail the other day that had written on the front, "Photographs: Do Not Bend." Underneath the mailman wrote, "Oh, yes they do."... read more..

Q: What did Cinderella say when her holiday snapshots were late?A: "Someday my prints will com."... read more..

After getting a physical from my doctor, I asked, "Well Doc, how do I stand?"The doctor said, "That's what puzzles me."... read more..

I dated a girl in high school who was sweet as pi, but she sure was irrational.... read more..

A man approaches a beautiful woman, and says, "Want a little company?" And the woman says, "Why? Do you have one to sell?"... read more..

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.Faithfully the... read more..

Mathematicians are all wrong! They're always talking about "Pi R squared." No! No! No!... Pie R round, it's cornbread that R squared!... read more..

I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our break... read more..

A farmer brought his daughter a pet pig, which she called "Stinky" when it was in her room but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty."Tell me," he asked her father, "Why do you have two nam... read more..

Why is five o'clock in the morning like a pig's tail?It's twirly.... read more..

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.... read more..

"I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Bill said, dolefully. read more..

A pink elephant is a beast of bourbon.... read more..

The Italian government is considering installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The reason? What good is it to have the inclination if you don't have the time?... read more..

Seen on a plumber's truck:"We repair what your husband fixed. - Don't sleep with a drip."... read more..

In a Podiatrist's office:"Time wounds all heels."... read more..

A backward poet writes inverse.... read more..

Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. He greets the first patient and the patient replies, "Fair fa your honest s... read more..

An English professor was reading Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that one of his students had fallen asleep. The professor was annoyed enough to send the book spinning through the air and b... read more..

A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house.""Not in the House," her husband says. "Perhaps in the Senate, my dear, but not in... read more..

I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll."The man replied, "Hello. This is a street lamp."... read more..

A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady answered."What party does your husband belong to?" he asked.The lady responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to."... read more..

Selecting a new Pope, a couple of Popes back, a gentleman from Spain was given weighty consideration. His name was Cardinal Sicola. However the College of Cardinals decided against him in the end. ... read more..

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables one year. When she picks her crop in the Autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.S... read more..

One evening, I went with my parents to a fancy restaurant. Dad was about halfway through his meal when he took a hard look at the potato, called the waitress over and said, "This potato is bad!" The w... read more..