Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone!
Grandma Cybersalt and I celebrated our 39th anniversary yesterday. Surely her medal will arrive in the mail any day now!
Today's video share is an encouragement to us all: If you want to sing, sing as if everybody is listening!
Click Here to Watch
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
Travel Agent Stories
The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat on the airplane so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California & then take the train to Hawaii ?"
3. I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts."
Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in South Africa."
Her response was "click".
4. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
5. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?"
I said, "No."
He said, "But they look so close on the Map."
6. Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."
7. A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
8. A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?"
I said, "No, why do you ask?"
She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?"
After putting her on hold for a minute while "I looked into it," (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
9. I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?"
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these stupid planes have numbers on them."
10. A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
11. A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double-checked and sure enough, his stay needs a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
12. A woman called to make reservations. "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York."
The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"
"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.
After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere."
The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!"
The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
"That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
One-Liner #1951
Old age is a thing ... Last night I was in bed for 20 minutes when I heard the pizza guy cough downstairs; then I remembered I came to my room to get my wallet.
Time-Telling Technique
How does Bigfoot tell time?
He looks at his Saskwatch!
Quote #2387
"The greatest enemy of learning is knowing."
- John C. Maxwell
Choosing Sides
At a White House dinner, a churchman offered a benediction and closed with the pious affirmation: "The Lord is on our side."
When President Lincoln did not respond to this sentiment, someone asked him, "Don't you believe, Mr. President, that the Lord is always on the side of the right?"
"I am not concerned about that," was Lincoln's answer, "for we know that the Lord is always on the side of the right. My concern is that I and this nation should be on the Lord's side."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Just Me and My Coffee
Today was special. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, her daughter and granddaughter went to St. Augustine for spring break. They would be gone for about three days.
In the meantime, I was here but not alone; I did have my cup of coffee. What more could anyone ask for?
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
Parenthood turns you into a morning person the same way being chased by a bear makes you a runner.
"I fired the janitor for smoking pot."
"Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change, and when we are right, make us easy to live with!"
The young woman sat in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally two men walked up to her.
1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"
My phone has this cool app that shows me what I look like as an old person - it's called ... a camera.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
"Your journey is not the same as mine, and my journey is not yours, but if you meet me on a certain path, may we encourage each other."
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.
Last week The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage had another one of her girl days with our daughter and granddaughter.
Answers to the question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
The fishing was so bad even the liars didn't catch anything.
My boat wasn't feeling well so we went straight to the dock!
"If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now."
I've long maintained that the distinction between "professionals" and "amateurs" is often very slight, often amounting to little more than that the former are paid and the latter are not. This is in no small measure because professional arrogance has been known to become intolerable if left unchecked.
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place
A hacker just called me and said he has all my passwords ... I jumped up, grabbed a pen and paper, and said, "Thank goodness! What are they?"
Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.
When someone is broken, 
Take some of the most common excuses for not going to church and use them to stop attending sporting events and here’s what you get:
I have noticed recently that sleeping has become a very important part of my life. This just snuck up on me overnight.