Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Yesterday, it rained at Cybersalt World Headquarters: the first rain we have had in quite a while. We actually received 7mm of rain in July, but I don't count that, so it's been almost 2 months. I made a point of going outside to smell the air as it began to fall because I knew my nose had forgotten what rain smelled like. Sometimes in life, one just has to stop and smell the roses - or what waters them!
Today's video share is a great lost and found story.
Click Here to Watch.
Enjoy the rest of today's digest!
~ Pastor Tim
Burning Call
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside.
"What happened, honey?" the man asks.
"Oh, John, it was terrible," she weeps. "I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn't notice the stove had caught on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn't make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is gone..."
"Wait! Back up a minute," the man says. "My agent called?"
One-Liner #1946
People who say their wedding day was the best day ever have clearly never had two KitKats fall out of a vending machine.
A Colorful Collection 🖍️
One day I'm going to start collecting highlighters. Mark my words!
Quote #2382
"Your brain is a supercomputer and your self-talk is the program it will run."
- Jim Kwik
Bad Day at Work
This is even funnier when you realize it's real!
Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2-FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue, just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a pretty good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well, until all of a sudden, my rear end started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds, it started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into myself.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear because he and five other divers were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops, totaling thirty-five minutes, before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface and climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it onto the affected area as soon as I got into the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but it took two days before I could sit down again.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved down your pants. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."
Now, whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: Is this a jellyfish bad day?
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Susan Page writes . . . .
Kind Of
- photo by Susan PageIt was a breathtaking, pleasant Sunday afternoon. With my camera slung over my shoulder, I was finishing an enjoyable walk through the waterfront park. Taking a detour down a side street to admire the blossoming Magnolia trees as worship music streamed through my earbuds, all seemed right with the world. The song playing was “It is well with my soul.”
An elderly woman came across the lawn of a home I was passing and asked, “What are you listening to?”
I responded, “Worship music.”
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Me: I'm heading out to escort the canine on a jaunty trek about the neighborhood.
The first rule of "Condescending Club" is really quite complex - and to be honest with you, I don't think you'd understand it even if I explained it to you in very simple terms.
My wife asked for chap stick and i accidently gave her a glue stick ... she's still not talking to me.
"The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Be patient and keep watering."
In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”
Life has many paths, and I have discovered that traveling any of them takes a lot of energy.
An goober goes for a job interview in an office. 
One day you will want to send me money but you will find me rich and I won't accept it - so use this opportunity now.
Isn't the Grand Canyon just gorges!?
My mind thinks I'm 25; my body thinks I'm an idiot!
While waiting at the veterinarian's office, I overheard two women chatting about their dogs.
There are those devastating times when we receive hard news. Processing and dealing with the emotions that come with bad news takes strength that comes from God alone. However, there are circumstances where time is limited, and sometimes, by God’s grace, we need to simply, “just show up.”
Canterbury, England. AD 999.
Some of my friends exercise every day, meanwhile ... I'm watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.
In England it's called a lift, but in America it's called an elevator.
How to have a beach body:
An elderly man took his young grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if anyone has gone to heaven, he has."
I must admit that I procrastinate a lot. The biggest example is when I get up in the morning. I wait until the very last minute to get up. My goal is to get up before lunch.
1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"
Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that ... I didn't read the whole article.
I always keep my guitar in the car now. It's good for traffic jams.
"If someone makes you happy, make them happier."
Diane was getting real discouraged over the lack of finding a steady man in her life.