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Did you know where you live can have an effect on how your pets look?
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-dog-pictures/dog-vegas

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Future Price of Roses"

The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order.

When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn't decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses -- one for each year of her life.

The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife."

The young man bought a dozen roses.

Today's CleanPun - "Urgent Code 33"

It was April 1st, and in a small midwestern town, two rookie policemen were patrolling the downtown business area. They decided to stop into the local coffee shop for a coffee and a donut. The time was 11:55 AM.

Three minutes later, they got a call on their police radio: "Code 33 in progress, man in bank dressed as a banana."

Well, there was only one bank in town, in fact, it was just across from the coffee shop. A code 33 was an "armed robbery" but it was also just 11:58 AM and the two rookies decided it was the dispatcher playing a joke on them just before lunch. So they continued enjoying their coffee break.

At 12:01 PM, they got a second call on their radio, "Repeat, Urgent, code 33 in progress, man in bank dressed as a banana."

Realizing it was past noon and the dispatcher sounded frantic, they rushed across the street -- but arrived 30 seconds after the banana split.

Today's One Liner

I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be. ~ Spike Donner from Ruminations

Today's CleanQuote

"Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it."
~ C. S. Lewis

Today's Illustration - "Child Leashes"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

While watching my grandson's baseball game, I saw a young mother with her toddler on one of those child leashes.

She was talking with another mom about an incident that happened earlier that morning.

Her little chihuahua was sick, and she had raised people's eyes as she walked into the vet's office with her dog in her arms and her child on a leash.

All I could think was, "What's wrong with this picture!"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, chicken Thursday!

Remember when $8,500 could buy you a decent computer?
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/tandy-computer-deal

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Forced Landing"

A flight instructor was sent out to help a student who had radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge to his professional reputation.

With determination, full flaps and engine just above the stall, he landed in the field. Climbing out, he shouted angrily to the student, "Just how did you manage to get into such a small field?"

"I landed in the big field over there," the student explained, "but in order to leave room for you to land, I had the farmer tow me here."

Today's CleanPun

"I heard that the New Orleans football team has a new sponsor, "I Can't Believe it's not Butter." Their theme song will be, "When the Saints Go Margarine."
~Gary Hallock

Today's One Liner

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy - it's a question of finding a sickness you like." ~Jackie Mason

Today's CleanQuote

"Those are my principles, if you don't like them...... I have others."
~Groucho Marx

Today's Illustration - "Horseshoe Impression"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

One day a cowboy walked into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe, not realizing that it had just come from the forge. He immediately dropped it and jammed his hand into his pocket, trying to act as if nothing had happened. The
blacksmith noticed and asked with a grin, "Kind of hot, wasn't it?"

"Nope," answered the cowboy through clenched teeth, "it just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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Cybersalt News

Sometimes you just need some alone time.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/cat-alone-time

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Freedom Peppers"

A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store. He says, "Hey, how much for these jalapeño peppers?" He pronounces it "jo-la-pen-o," not "ho-lo-peen-yo."

The cashier says, "Sir, that's not what those peppers are called."

The man replies, "Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please."

The cashier responds, "That is as may be, sir, but those are green peppers."

Today's CleanPun

Why was the Tibetan rooster unusual?

Himalayan!

Today's One Liner

Politicians: People who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, order more tunnel.

Today's CleanQuote

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
~Lucille Ball

Today's Illustration - "Animal Instincts"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

In the middle of one of Henry Ward Beecher's most potent political speeches, a member of the crowd gave a perfect imitation of a cock crowing. While the audience roared with laughter, the speaker gave no sign of annoyance, but he removed his watch and studied it while the noise died down.

"That's odd," Beecher said at last. "My watch says it's ten o'clock, but there can't be any mistake. It must be morning, for the instincts of the lower animals are absolutely infallible."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

As much fun as slides are, it only takes a second thought to spoil it all:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/slide-fun

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Phonetic Hymn Title"

Many hymnals have a hymn called "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear."

It seems that one week when the church secretary was typing the Sunday bulletin, she asked the pastor which hymn would come just before the sermon. He replied with the above-mentioned hymn.

The following Sunday the bulletin read:

Hymn No. 134: "Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear."

Today's CleanPun - "Mary Poppins Room Service"

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly, madam," he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.

"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?"

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese, please," said Mary.

"Certainly, madam," he replied.

"And may I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please," Mary mused.

After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room. The night passed uneventfully. The next morning, Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still at the desk.

"Morning, madam. Sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you," Mary replied.

"Food to your liking?"

"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional
-- I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though; they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully.

"Oh. Well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our guest comments book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist.

"Ok, I will. Thanks!" replied Mary. She then checked out, paused awhile, and scribbled a comment into the book.
Waving, she left to continue her journey.

Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written. Here it is:

"Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!''

Today's One Liner

"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement."
~ Mark Twain

Today's CleanQuote

"Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life."
~ Herbert Henry Asquith

Today's Illustration - "Warning Signs"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

One October, my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on.

Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles."

Five miles farther on, there was another sign: "Ice 5 miles."

The next one was, "Ice 1/2 mile."

We practically crept that half-mile.

When we came to the last sign it was outside a small grocery, and it read, "Ice 75 cents."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

When can you tell you are in over your head with your baby? This picture might be a clue.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/paging-dr-phil

There is a new James Snyder devotional on the Cybersalt site today. Apparently the last couple of Mondays have given him some unwanted knocks.
http://www.cybersalt.org/god-s-penman/when-trouble-comes-a-knocking-dont-answer-the-door

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Cold Cream Questions"

A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"

Today's CleanPun - "Today's Market Activity"

Helium was up.

Feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remain unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Dr Pepper fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

Today's One Liner

"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money." ~Henny Youngman

Today's CleanQuote

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible."
~ George Burns

Today's Illustration - "Careless Words"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

While my son was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training missions.

After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd."

The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing,

"Be vewy, vewy quiet. We are hunting submawenes."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3650 - May 29, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3649 - May 28, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3648 - May 27, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3647 - May 26, 2011

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