Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest

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Sunday greetings everyone. Enjoy today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "You Might be a Pastor If…"

~ You've waded in a creek wearing a necktie.

~ You've ever dreamed you were preaching only to waken and discover that you were.

~ You'd rather negotiate with terrorists than the church organist.

~ You see a picnic as no picnic.

~ You've ever wanted to fire the church and form a congregation search committee.

~ You've been tempted to take up an offering at a family reunion.

~ You've ever wanted to give the sound man some feedback of your own.

~ You've ever wanted to lay hands on a deacon, and you didn't mean praying for him.

~ You often feel like you are herding cats instead of shepherding sheep.

~ Your sermons have a happy ending...everyone's happy when it ends.

~ You've never preached on TV, because your wife made you get down before you broke something.

~ You feel that it is your job to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

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Cybersalt News

This is my kind of exercise:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/my-kind-of-exercise

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "School Excuse"

At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.

"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.

"She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company and I'm keeping her home."

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Today's CleanPun

Two fish are in a tank.

One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive."

Today's One Liner

"I want instant gratification no matter how long it takes."

Today's CleanQuote

“There are three rules to writing a novel, but unfortunately nobody knows what they are.”
~W. Somerset Maugham

Today's Illustration - "A Real Home"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A REAL HOME is a playground. Beware of the house where no rough-housing is allowed and no cries of glee are heard.

A REAL HOME is a workshop. Pity the child who is unfamiliar with wrenches and hammers, knitting needles, thread, screwdrivers and saws.

A REAL HOME is a forum. Honest, open discussion of life's great problems belongs originally and primarily in the family circle.

A REAL HOME is cooperative. Households flourish in peace when the interest of each is the interest of all.

A REAL HOME is a school. Many of life's most important and lasting lessons are learned here, both early in life and later on.

A REAL HOME is a temple, where people are loved and respected and where life is appreciated, in the recognition that life in all its parts is a gift of God, with our family being our personal and most precious gift.

Is your home, A REAL HOME?

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

Cybersalt News

If you want to rescue a giant cat you probably need a pretty big mouse to catch it.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/cat-rescue

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Goodwill Offering"

During the last Sunday service that the visiting pastor was to spend at the church he served for some months, his hat was passed around for a goodwill offering.

When it returned to the pastor, it was empty. The pastor didn't flinch.

He raised the hat to Heaven and said, "I thank You, Lord, that at least I got my hat back from this congregation."

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Today's CleanPun

A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.

Today's One Liner

Employment application blanks always ask 'Who is to be notified in case of an emergency' and I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Today's CleanQuote

"A skeptic sees the handwriting on the wall but claims it's a forgery"

Today's Illustration - "God's Beauty Tips"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

For attractive lips,
speak words of kindness.
For beautiful eyes,
look for the good in others.
To lose weight,
let go of stress, hatred, anger, discontentment, and the need to control others.

To improve your ears,
listen to the Word of God.
For poise,
walk with knowledge and self-esteem.

To strengthen your arms,
hug at least 3 people a day; touch someone with your love.
To strengthen your heart,
forgive yourself and others.

For the ultimate in business, casual or evening attire,
put on the robe of Christ; it fits like a glove but allows room for growth.
Best of all, it never goes out of style
and is appropriate for any occasion.

Doing these things on a daily basis will certainly make you a more beautiful person.

~Author Unknown

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday.

If you were cheering for the Vancouver Canucks to win the Stanley Cup last night, your eyes are probably a little red this morning due to crying yourself to sleep or perhaps because you were tear gassed on the way home from the game.

Congratulations Boston! Our team beat you 3 times but you beat ours 4 and now your captain, Chara, has hoisted the Cup higher than it has ever been - which would have been the perfect opportunity for David and his sling.

Speaking of riots, here is my favorite quote from the live coverage of them on the CBC last night: "There goes some more riot police beating their shields with their dogs."

Today's featured page on the Cybersalt Site is "Jeep Flat":
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/jeep-flat

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Drought Conditions"

Two brothers, both farmers, were talking on the phone.

One asked the other how bad the drought was in his area.

The other replied, “Well it's got so bad they've closed two lanes at the local swimming pool."

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Today's CleanPun

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City:

The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault, it was the asphalt!"

Today's One Liner

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" but just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Today's CleanQuote

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."

Today's Illustration - "Just One"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.

One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.

One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.

One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal.

One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room.

One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.

One step must start each journey,
One word must start each prayer.

One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.

One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what's true.

One life can make the difference,
You see, IT'S UP TO YOU!
- Unknown

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Some dogs just don't look the way any dog is supposed to look!
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-dog-pictures/dog-glare

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "4 Year Old Rider"

Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free.

As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he is. "I am 4 years old."

"And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver.

“When I get off the bus," answers Johnny.

Today's CleanPun

After Old Man McGraw chewed us out, we went over to his house and we drew all kinds of pictures on his driveway, sidewalk, and foundation with sidewalk chalk.

That'll teach him to mess with the Mural Majority!

~John Gardner

Today's One Liner

"I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on, but I can't afford one so ... I'm wearing my garage door opener."

Today's CleanQuote

"People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first."
~David H. Comins

Today's Illustration - "Disaster Encounter"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

"Oh, No!" the father gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.

He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.

Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.

"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.

He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!".

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3665 - June 13, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3664 - June 12, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3663 - June 11, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3662 - June 10, 2011

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