Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest

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Where's the best place to hide an elephant? In plain sight of course!
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-elephant-pictures/elephant-camoflage

In an unrelated announcement, Rev. James Snyder has a new devotional on the Cybersalt site. You can read "The Taxing of My Fragile Sanity" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/god-s-penman/the-taxing-of-my-fragile-sanity

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Picking a Winner"

The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady's wrinkled hands.

"Lady," he said, "I just don't understand. However did you manage to pick the winner?"

The old lady patted her white locks in place. She looked a little bewildered. "Really," she said, "I don't know myself. I just stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is."

The bookie took a deep breath. "That's all very well, lady," he cried. "But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?"

"Oh," replied the old lady, "that was easy. I used a fork."

Today's CleanPun

Two people got into an argument.

One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!"

The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will be doing is making a fuel of yourself!"

Today's One Liner

"You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway."

Today's CleanQuote

"When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are."
~Cary Grant

Today's Illustration - "Parental Nagging"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Constant nagging didn't seem to provide any relief from having to clean up the bathroom after each of my three teenage children.

After I cleaned it one day, I resorted to posting a sign that read: "Please leave the bathroom as you found it."

I noticed the bathroom was in the usual mess after my son used it, so I called, "Brian, how did you find the bathroom?"

After a brief pause, he replied, "Straight down the hall, first door on the right."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

As I mentioned before, last weekend I was away at our association's western conference held at Calvary Church in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Consequently, there is no new message uploaded to the Westside Bible Church this week. You will find a recording of last week's service at:
http://www.westsidefamily.org/sunday-service-june-5-2011

While at that conference a very encouraging and inspiring video was played for us. Rev. Frank Humphreys, pastor of Peoples Church in Montreal, has ALS - Lou Gehrig disease. I've added this encouraging video to the Cybersalt site. You will find it at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/videos/pastor-frank-humphreys-als-testimony

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Knowing About Radios"

One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, Calif., we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a large radio in the back.

"Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked.

Several hands went up, and anticipating a ride in the jeep, recruits began listing their credentials. Everything from a degree in communications to a part-time job in a repair shop was declared.

The DI listened to all the contenders, then pointed to the most qualified. "You," he barked. "Carry the radio."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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Cybersalt News

What do you get when you mix government regulations with baptismal services? This:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/baptism-lifeguard-tower

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Fish Fight Story"

Doug was describing a 30-pound bass he'd caught recently, after fighting it for three hours.

Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds."

Doug replied, "Well, a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting!"

Today's CleanPun

I was born free - my Dad's an Ob-Gyn.

Today's One Liner

"Time is Nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once."

Today's CleanQuote

"Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes."
~ Antisthenes

Today's Illustration - "Wedding Vows"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Mrs. Frobisher and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother, "Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?"

"How do you mean, change her mind?" asked Mrs. Frobisher.

"Well," said the child, "she went into the church with one man and came out with another!"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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Cybersalt News

If you are looking for a PERManent alternative learning method you should check out Kim's school.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/alternative-learning-methods

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "I can't come in to work today because . . . ."

- "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm waiting for the plumber."

- "I have to buy some new skis. I left my old ones in a tree."

- "My computer is down. I'm trying to cheer it up."

- "I have a sick kid. The adult goats, however, seem to be doing fine."

- "I'm having car trouble. The trouble is I no longer own a car."

- "I won a sauerkraut and sausage eating contest yesterday. You don't want me there today. Trust me."

Today's CleanPun

It rained so hard here last night our whole town flooded. The entire city was taken by storm.

Today's One Liner

"When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl."

Today's CleanQuote

"The best defense against logic is ignorance"

Today's Illustration - "Reasons Why My Children Do Not Need More Toys"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

By Tammy Rosenfeldt

~ They started off as babies who found my Tupperware drawer much more fascinating than their toy box.

~ The days I change the paper towel roll in the kitchen bring great excitement as they claim their new sword or telescope.

~ Their current toys are only exciting when I either reorganize them/put them neatly away or when I start my garage sale pile.

~ Who needs toys when jumping on my bed like the five little monkeys brings tears of laughter?

~ They are content to look at the clouds and find shapes - most recently Caleb claimed he saw Thomas the Engine. Really - just shouted it out while in the car.

~ To make one of them want to play with a toy, all I have to do is give it to the other one. Suddenly, that item becomes the best thing in the whole entire world.

~ The days I mop the kitchen floor and move the chairs into the living room are cause for adventure as they build tents and "dark, dark rooms."

~ A flashlight brings amusement to all for hours.

~ And my personal favorite - the other day they literally fought over who got to play with the fly swatter. I really wish I was kidding.
-----------------

Tammy's blog, Tales From a Stay-at-Home Mom:
http://www.tjrosenfeldt.blogspot.com/

Copyright 2010 Tammy Rosenfeldt. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

20% Off All orders over $49 at Personal Creations

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Though they may vary in the fine details, many nightmares we have hold much in common. This is the same for mice:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/mouse-nightmare

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Home Early"

Little Dewey burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised, his mother asked, "Why are you home from school so early?"

Dewey said, "They let me go early because I was the only one who could answer a tough question."

"Oh, really? What was the question?" his mother asked.

"'Who threw the eraser at the teacher?'"

Today's CleanPun - "Rat Presentation"

Rodents had overrun a posh private school near New York City. So the headmaster asked a health inspector to deliver a slide presentation to teachers and students, showing how to remedy the situation, i.e., stow trash, no food in class, etc.

The following day, a teacher had her very young children write a letter to the inspector, thanking him for the visit. One of the students wrote:

Dear Mr. Ark,
Thank you for coming to my school. Until I met you, I didn't know what a rat looked like." Sincerely, Bobby Jones

Today's One Liner

"At my age, I can't see the forest OR the trees."

Today's CleanQuote

My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Today's Illustration - "Proof of Identity"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

My friend Bev and her husband were reshingling their roof. As soon as they started, they realized they needed more supplies, so Bev grabbed the checkbook, jumped into her car, and drove the 45 miles to the nearest lumberyard.

After gathering the items she needed, Bev went up to the cashier and wrote a check. "I really need to see a photo ID," the clerk said.

"I don't have one on me," Bev replied.

The cashier called over the manager, who examined the check. Then the manager looked up and asked Bev, "Who is the Avon lady in your town?"

Puzzled, Bev responded, "Maxine Thompson."

"Take her check," the smiling manager said to the cashier. "Maxine is my grandmother."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3660 - June 8, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3659 - June 7, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3658 - June 6, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3657 - June 5, 2011

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