Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone - for the last time in 2024!

Grandma Cybersalt and I are praying that your 2025 will be a year of blessing, personal growth, and gratefulness to Jesus. It's a heck of a time to be living, but God is good and and His love endures forever!

Today's video is that with the passing of time, many things remain the same at heart and in their nature.
Click here to listen.

~ Pastor Tim 

There was a man who travelled all around the world.

Every city he stopped in he would buy something for his mother and send it to her.  On one such stop he found a parrot that spoke thirty different languages.  He immediately bought it and sent it home to his mother.  A few days later he called his mother.

"Did you like the parrot?" he asked her.

"Oh yes," she replied. "It was delicious."

"WHAT!" the man cried. "You ate it!  That parrot wasn't for you to eat!  It spoke thirty languages!"

The mother paused for a moment and then said, "So why didn't he say something?"

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.

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Puns about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

"It takes two years to learn to speak and sixty to learn to keep quiet."

- Ernest Hemingway

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
- Hebrews 12:1

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Of all the things I have learned, one has made a difference in my life.

I hear stories about how married couples are unhappy. Today, something must be wrong with you if you haven't been divorced and remarried five times.

I always figure that the person who has been married five times hasn't learned anything from their first four marriages. They're going to repeat the same mistakes, over and over.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

With yesterday being the Northern Hemisphere's winter solstice (the shortest day for daylight), today will be longer than yesterday by about 20 seconds. You know what that means - it's time to get the sunblock out!

Today's video share is proof that there are never enough strings on a guitar for some people!
Click here to listen.

~ Pastor Tim 

1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies In House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
9. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
10. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms

11. Eye Drops Off Shelf
12. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
13. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
14. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
15. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
16. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
17. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
18. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
19. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
20. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
21. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
22. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
23. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
24. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
25. War Dims Hope For Peace
26. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
27. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
28. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
29. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
30. Deer Kill 17,000
31. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
32. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
33. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
34. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
35. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
36. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
37. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
38. British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
39. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
40. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
41. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
42. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
43. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
44. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
45. Air Head Fired
46. Steals Clock, Faces Time
47. Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
48. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
49. Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
50. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
51. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
52. Police Discovered Pot Plants Were Really Cannabis

I understand why we need warning labels on products but I think they should start including the back story of why the warning was necessary ... just to spice things up.

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This morning I was walking down the street and I was hit by a violin, then a clarinet, and then a French horn!

I think it was an orchestrated attack.

"When we give each other Christmas gifts in His name, let us remember that He has given us the sun and the moon and the stars, and the earth with its forests and mountains and oceans - and all that lives and move upon them."

- Sigrid Undset

'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the room
Strewn wrappings were crying for use of a broom.
The children were scattered the friends' gifts exploring
Since now most of theirs were broken or boring.

All tummies still stuffed from the fabulous feast;
Leftovers would serve for one month at least.
And mama and papa were the countryside ranging,
Those unwanted gifts returned or exchanging.

Yes Christmas is past with its bustle and noise—
Sales and carols, Santas and toys.
Decorations are packed the yule tree's discarded
The holidays over just as we got started

To celebrate peace and the meaning of giving
To discover real love and the purpose for living.
Dear Jesus please help us to stop and remember
That you came to earth not just for December.

But from birth in a manger to death on a cross
You gave up your glory and counted it loss.
So now as we trust You— God’s only Son—
The real celebration has only begun!

Copyright 2007 Dave Veerman. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

- photo by Susan PageI wish I were the star that sparkled
So brightly in the sky that night
To show the Shepherds where to find Him
The babe, Emmanuel, the Lord of Light

Or maybe I would be the manger
That functioned as a cradle bed
I’d be so proud to be the vessel
Where baby Jesus laid His head

Perhaps I’d be an awestruck Shepherd
Who heard the Heavenly Choir sing
I’d sprint so quickly to the stable
To see and worship Christ the King

If not a Shepherd, then a Magi
Who travelled far to find the One
The Promise given to a Nation
Christ Jesus, God’s Beloved Son

Yet I’ve a part within this story
To seek and worship Christ each day
For Jesus came to earth to save us
And that is why it’s Christmas Day

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

With yesterday being the Northern Hemisphere's winter solstice (the shortest day for daylight), today will be longer than yesterday by about 20 seconds. You know what that means - it's time to get the sunblock out!

Today's video share is proof that there are never enough strings on a guitar for some people!
Click here to listen.

~ Pastor Tim 

IMMEDIATE DOWNSIZING MEASURES EMPLOYED

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of this season's gift distribution business.  Home shopping channels, the Internet, and mail order catalogs have diminished Santa's market share.  He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip.  Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer--who will retrain at the Harvard Business School--is anticipated.  Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed.  Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole.  Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way, not from the cold, but from substance abuse.  Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive stress.

Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps.  Effective immediately, the following economic measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas"  subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted.  It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost-effective.  In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned.  The positions are therefore eliminated.

The three French hens will remain intact.  After all, everyone loves the French.

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call-waiting option.  An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.  Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors.  Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded.  It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity.  Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it obtains will be more productive.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.  Their function is primarily decorative.  Mechanical swans are on order.  The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC.  A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought.  The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.  Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring, or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number.  This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill.  The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work Congresspersons.  While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed Congresspersons this year.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big.  A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music, and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses.  Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient.  If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive.  Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the most efficient number.

If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.

- Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

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I'm reading a book about school truancy by Marcus Absent.

Sometimes the best Christmas present is remembering what you've already got.

- Cathy Guisewite

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids.

She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year---overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card.

Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff.

When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and stated, “Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up, and shot.”

From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, “Don't worry. We already crucified him."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Working in my office the other morning, I heard some rattling noises on the other side of the house. Being as busy as I was, I didn't take the time to find out what that noise was all about. When I'm working on a project, I like to stay on the project.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday.

For the last month or so, Canada Post has been on strike. However the "posties" (not a bad term here in Canada) returned to work on Tuesday. Grandma Cybersalt and I could tell they were back because the news said so and we also got one letter in the mailbox on the front of our house. I am waiting for some literal "cheques in the mail" from clients, so I am eagerly anticipating more envelopes. That said, we didn't get any mail yesterday. At least the mystery of when they will arrive keeps life from getting boring!

Today's video share is another commercial that makes one think. In a world when we all live in our own bubbles, let's do what is needed to break out of them!
Click Here to Watch

~ Pastor Tim 

by Ruth Sockett

I have not wrapped a present and the paper's disappeared.
The children are hysterical, they just found Santa's beard.

The baby ate a Christmas ball, there's eggnog in my tea
Daddy's chasing mistletoe, he swings from tree to tree.

Susan's changed her mind about the doll that walks and talks
Now she wants a simple thing, a real live horse that talks.

I just got back my Christmas cards that gave me writer's cramp
I didn't forget a single soul, I just forgot the stamps.

So, Santa, when you do get here and find beneath the tree,
A poor lost soul without a mind, be nice, for it is me!!

Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned?

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A Russian named Rudolph and his wife were on a train traveling across Siberia when it started snowing outside.

His wife said, look Rudy, it's snowing. He said no, that is rain. She said I'm pretty sure it's snow. He came back again, no I'm sure it is rain. She said, but look, it's white and flaky.

Getting rather upset he said sharply, "Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"

"Now you would think that if God so rules the world as to use an empire-wide census to bring Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem, he surely could have seen to it that a room was available in the inn.

"Yes, he could have. And Jesus could have been born into a wealthy family. He could have turned stone into bread in the wilderness. He could have called 10,000 angels to his aid in Gethsemane. He could have come down from the cross and saved himself. The question is not what God could do, but what He willed to do."

- John Piper, Good News of Great Joy: Daily Readings for Advent

In about my tenth year, as Christmas approached, I longed for an electric train. The times were those of economic depression, yet Mother and Dad purchased for me a lovely electric train.

Christmas morning bright and early, I thrilled when I noticed my train. The next few hours were devoted to operating the transformer and watching the engine pull its cars forward—then backward around the track.

Mother said that she had purchased a wind-up train for Widow Hansen’s boy, Mark, who lived down the lane at Gale Street. As I looked at his train, I noted a tanker car which I much admired. I put up such a fuss that my mother succumbed to my pleadings and gave me the tanker car. I put it with my train set and felt pleased.

Mother and I took the remaining cars and the engine down to Mark Hansen. The young boy was a year or two older than I. He had never anticipated such a gift. He was thrilled beyond words. He wound the key in his engine, it not being electric nor expensive like mine, and was overjoyed as the engine and three cars, plus a caboose, went around the track.

I felt a horrible sense of guilt as I returned home. The tanker car no longer appealed to me. Suddenly, I took the tanker car in my hand, plus an additional car of my own, and ran all the way down to Gale Street and proudly announced to Mark, “We forgot to bring two cars which belong to your train.”

I don’t know when a deed had made me feel any better than that experience as a ten-year old boy.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

- photo by Susan PageRecently, I attended a concert where traditional Christmas carols were beautifully shared.

I deeply appreciate the rich history behind the words and the tradition of these sacred hymns passed down throughout the generations. Some people think the timeless Christmas carols are no longer relevant. I beg to differ, knowing that, like the traditional hymns of the Church these carols have lyrics and melodies that speak deeply to our souls. Singing them also brings back memories of people and places that have been a part of our heritage.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.