Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

A month tonight will be Christmas Eve, so it's time to kick off the holiday season at Cybersalt World Headquarters. Grandma Cybersalt and I are going to start decorating today and I am looking forward to breaking out all my favorite music for the season. Our Christmas calendar has filled up to the point where we are already saying, "No" to more. It's the only way to avoid getting exhausted and saying at the end of December, "next year we aren't going to get exhausted." We're not going to get exhausted this year!

Today's video share shows the impressive process of making impossibly thin and almost invisible cuts in metal.
Click here to watch.

~ Pastor Tim 

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More Bulletin Bloopers

The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug abuse.

"Correction: The following typo appeared in our last bulletin: 'Lunch will be gin at 12:15.' Please correct to read '12 noon.' "

Any church member over the age of 18 is invited to participate in this lay ministry program. It requires a minimal amount of training and time. The orientation will include six weekly classes of about 200 hours each Tuesday night.

The Seniors group will have a picnic Saturday. Each person is asked to bring a friend, a vegetable, or dessert in a covered dish. Meat and drinks will be furnished.

The last day of Vacation Bible School will include a field trip to the state game farm. We could use some additional volunteers to help preparing the lunch of sandwiches, potato chips, cheese, crack, and cool aid that morning.

Remember the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp. We have a Gents three-speed bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order.

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One-Liner #1876

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

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Bull-iant Idea

Bob: My friend opened a petting zoo with just one bull, but nobody went.

Mike: Why?

Bob: He was charging too much.

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Quote #2311

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.”

- A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

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The Fool's Prayer

The royal feast was done; the King
Sought some new sport to banish care,
And to his jester cried: "Sir Fool,
Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!"

The jester doffed his cap and bells,
And stood the mocking court before;
They could not see the bitter smile
Behind the painted grin he wore.

He bowed his head, and bent his knee
Upon the monarch's silken stool;
His pleading voice arose; "O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!"

"No pity, Lord, could change the heart
From red with wrong to white as wool;
The rod must heal the sin: but, Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!

"'Tis not by guilt the onward sweep
Of Truth and right, O Lord, we stay;
'Tis by our follies that so long
We hold earth from heaven away.

"These clumsy feet, still in the mire,
Go crushing blossoms without end;
These hard, well-meaning hands we thrust
Among the heart-strings of a friend.

"The ill-timed truth we might have kept -
Who knows how sharp it pierced and stung?
The word we had not sense to say -
Who knows how grandly it had rung?

"Our faults no tenderness should ask,
The chastening stripes must cleanse them all;
But for our blunders - oh in shame
Before the eyes of heaven we fall.

"Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;
Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool
That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!"

The room was hushed; in silence rose
The King, and sought his gardens cool,
And walked apart, and murmured low,
"Be merciful to me, a fool!"

- Edward R. Sill

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Did You See My Key?

My life has been bombarded with questions from the beginning of the day until I fall asleep at night.

For the most part, I don’t prioritize questions. Usually, when people ask me a question, there is something behind that question. If I don’t see what’s behind the question, I could answer it in such a way as to get myself in trouble—and believe me, I’ve been in trouble many times before.

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

We got another wallop this week from what the weather people called a "bomb-cyclone." I think they called it that because they didn't want people to panick, lol. We did not get it as bad as many people did in other areas of our island and province, but the storm did give Grandma Cybersalt and I another 4.5 hours in the house without power (less than half the outage that happened on my birthday.) The good news is we get a break from storms for a while. The next one is not due until tomorrow!

Today's video share is actually an audio share. Tony Campola passed away this week. His sermon "It's Friday, but Sunday 's Coming" is a classic and worth the listen - if you like blessings, that is!
Click Here to Watch

~ Pastor Tim 

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Better by Train

A large two-engine train was crossing America.  After they had gone some distance, one of the engines broke down.  "No problem," the engineer thought and carried on at half power.  Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down and the train came to a standstill.

The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news.  The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."

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One-Liners #1875

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

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Procrastination Confessions

I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.

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Quote #2310

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.”

- Erma Bombeck

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In-Law Letter

When the man came home, his wife was crying.

"Your mother insulted me," she sobbed.

"My mother? How could she do that? She's on vacation on the other side of the world!" the man said.

"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

"And?"

"At the end of the letter she wrote:

PS. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Susan Page writes . . . . 

This Life

- photo by Susan PageThis life can be lived with abundance
New chapters are yet to unfold
Each page holds a mystery that’s hidden
With treasures worth more than pure gold

I can’t see the path, but God’s planned it
His way is much better than mine
In joy and in sorrow He’ll keep me
Through light and then shadows in time

The losses are part of the journey
A tool of God’s grace from His hand
Take time to be silent and listen
His Word is the truth that still stands

Embrace change as a holy adventure
Seek wonder and purpose each day
Content in the simple sweet pleasure
Of knowing that God leads the way

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

A few weeks ago I noticed the wheels on our car were spinning sliding when we were on wet roads. When I looked at our tires I noticed the rubber was getting pretty hard and starting to crack and that the groves were quite worn down. On Thursday, we got new tires and now our car is handling much better. It's nice to not be treading lightly anymore!

Today's video share is a song by Tim Storms, who apparently has the world's deepest singing voice!
Click here to watch.

~ Pastor Tim 

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Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers

(From the Archives back in 1999)

1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.

5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm.
Please use the back door.

8) Ushers will eat latecomers.

9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

11) The Rev.  Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F.  Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

14) Next Sunday Mrs.  Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

16) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

17) The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

18) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

19) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

20) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success.  Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

21) Members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs.  Marsha Crutchfield last evening.  Mrs.  Crutchfield and Mrs.
Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.

22) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

23) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?  with hymns from a full choir.

24) Hymn 43: "Great God, What do I See Here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark!  An Awful Voice is Sounding"

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One-Liner #1874

Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes; that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

---

Laugh Your Sums Off ➕😂

A few puns make me numb, but math puns make me number.

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Quote #2309

“It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.”

- Garrison Keillor

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Pao, Senhor?

He couldn't have been over six years old.  Dirty face, barefooted, torn T-shirt, matted hair.  He wasn't too different from the other hundred thousand or so street orphans that roam Rio de Janeiro.

I was walking to get a cup of coffee at a nearby cafe when he came up behind me.  With my thoughts somewhere between the task I had just finished and the class I was about to teach, I scarcely felt the tap, tap, tap on my hand.  I stopped and turned.  Seeing no one, I continued on my way.  I'd only taken a few steps, however, when I felt another insistent tap, tap, tap.  This time I stopped and looked downward.  There he stood.  His eyes were whiter because of his grubby cheeks and coal-black hair.

"Pao, senhor?" (Bread, sir?)

Living in Brazil, one has daily opportunities to buy a candy bar or sandwich for these little outcasts.  It's the least one can do.  I told him to come with me and we entered the sidewalk cafe.  "Coffee for me and something tasty for my little friend."  The boy ran to the pastry counter and made his choice.  Normally, these youngsters take the food and scamper back out into the street without a word.  But this little fellow surprised me.

The cafe consisted of a long bar: one end for pastries and the other for coffee.  As the boy was making his choice, I went to the other end of the bar and began drinking my coffee.  Just as I was getting my derailed train of thought back on track, I saw him again.  He was standing in the cafe entrance, on tiptoe, bread in hand, looking in at the people.  "What's he doing?" I thought.

Then he saw me and scurried in my direction.  He came and stood in front of me about eye-level with my belt buckle. The little Brazilian orphan looked up at the big American missionary, smiled a smile that would have stolen your heart and said, "Obrigado." (Thank you.) Then, nervously scratching the back of his ankle with his big toe, he added, "Muito obrigado." (Thank you very much.)

All of a sudden, I had a crazy craving to buy him the whole restaurant.

But before I could say anything, he turned and scampered out the door.

As I write this, I'm still standing at the coffee bar, my coffee is cold, and I'm late for my class.  But I still feel the sensation that I felt half an hour ago.

And I'm pondering this question: If I am so moved by a street orphan who says thank you for a piece of bread, how much more is God moved when I pause to thank him - really thank him - for saving my soul?

- Max Lucado

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

I Sure Miss Being a Spoiled Brat

After my last doctor's visit, I went to the Publix pharmacy to pick up new medicine. Doctors have a pill for every problem in the world—if only they all worked.

I was early at the store, and my medicine wasn't quite ready. So, I decided to walk around Publix and get a little exercise.

Walking down one aisle, I noticed a little boy who seemed to be having some problems. He was arguing with his mother, stamping his feet and telling her, "I want that candy."

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Storm season has returned to Cybersalt World Headquarters. We have being getting hit from all directions. It's working out well for Grandma Cybersalt because each time we have one she picks up the apples that the wind has picked for her. Although, I guess picking the apples you can get while standing up would be better!

Today's video share is a sweet story of how some people became friends of a magpie.
Click Here to Watch

~ Pastor Tim 

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Funny Answering Machines

"Hi!  John's answering machine is broken.  This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."

"Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency.  We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."

"Hello, this is Sally's microwave.  Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls.  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."

"Hello, you are talking to a machine.  I am capable of receiving messages.  My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean.  They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."

"This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device.  After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call."

"Hi, this is George.  I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now.  Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."

"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."

"Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. clenLeave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's YOU."

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One-Liner #1873

Learning English: Before was was was, was was is.

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

---

Parting Ways with Style

My balding friend bought a new wig before moving away. So got him a comb ... as a parting gift.

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Quote #2307

"If you can't see the sun you will be impressed with a street light. If you've never felt thunder and lightning you'll be impressed with fireworks. And if you turn your back on the greatness and majesty of God you'll fall in love with a world of shadows and short-lived pleasures."

- John Piper

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The Ambulance Down in the Valley

‘Twas a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed,
Though to walk near its crest was so pleasant;
But over its terrible edge there had slipped
A duke and full many a peasant.
So the people said something would have to be done,
But their projects did not at all tally;
Some said, “Put a fence ’round the edge of the cliff,”
Some, “An ambulance down in the valley.”

But the cry for the ambulance carried the day,
For it spread through the neighboring city;
A fence may be useful or not, it is true,
But each heart became full of pity
For those who slipped over the dangerous cliff;
And the dwellers in highway and alley
Gave pounds and gave pence, not to put up a fence,
But an ambulance down in the valley.

“For the cliff is all right, if you’re careful,” they said,
“And, if folks even slip and are dropping,
It isn’t the slipping that hurts them so much
As the shock down below when they’re stopping.”
So day after day, as these mishaps occurred,
Quick forth would those rescuers sally
To pick up the victims who fell off the cliff,
With their ambulance down in the valley.

Then an old sage remarked: “It’s a marvel to me
That people give far more attention
To repairing results than to stopping the cause,
When they’d much better aim at prevention.
Let us stop at its source all this mischief,” cried he,
“Come, neighbors and friends, let us rally;
If the cliff we will fence, we might almost dispense
With the ambulance down in the valley.”

“Oh he’s a fanatic,” the others rejoined,
“Dispense with the ambulance? Never!
He’d dispense with all charities, too, if he could;
No! No! We’ll support them forever.
Aren’t we picking up folks just as fast as they fall?
And shall this man dictate to us? Shall he?
Why should people of sense stop to put up a fence,
While the ambulance works in the valley?”

But the sensible few, who are practical too,
Will not bear with such nonsense much longer;
They believe that prevention is better than cure,
And their party will soon be the stronger.
Encourage them then, with your purse, voice, and pen,
And while other philanthropists dally,
They will scorn all pretense, and put up a stout fence
On the cliff that hangs over the valley.

Better guide well the young than reclaim them when old,
For the voice of true wisdom is calling.
“To rescue the fallen is good, but ’tis best
To prevent other people from falling.”
Better close up the source of temptation and crime
Than deliver from dungeon or galley;
Better put a strong fence ’round the top of the cliff
Than an ambulance down in the valley.

- Joseph Malins (1895)

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Susan Page writes . . . . 

Not Yet Paradise

- photo by Susan PageA few days before an election that captured world attention, I was visiting a local botanical garden.

After strolling through the spectacular outdoor gardens, I wandered into the solarium where something immediately captured my attention. The Bird of Paradise flower on display was unusual, creating a visual object lesson.

As my camera zoomed in on this beautiful exotic flower, I could not help but be amazed. The sap from the flower had dried forming what looked like an eye flowing with tears. Amazingly, it was precisely in the right location to look realistic. Yes, I have a good imagination, but this visual gave me pause to reflect and do a little research.

In South Africa because of its appearance, sometimes the Bird of Paradise flower is referred to as the Crane Flower. However, this striking flower is aptly named after a bird species, called the Bird of Paradise. It symbolizes joyfulness, paradise, freedom, anticipation, and excitement. Furthermore, it stands for faithfulness, love, and thoughtfulness.

Yet in my photographic capture, the flower looked anything but joyful. It looked sorrowful.

The passage of Scripture that came to my mind is from St. Paul’s writings. I know the passage is not specifically about sorrowful-looking flowers. Yet, it is a meaningful passage that speaks about all creation's suffering as we eagerly anticipate when there will be no more disease or decay. We groan and shed tears with our longing for Christ’s return.

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness” (Romans 8:18-26).

The passage goes on to teach how we should view and process any election or troubling world event. We are called to pray!

“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God” (Romans 8:26-27).

This passage finishes with an often-quoted promise, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

So, let us reflect again on the visual of a sorrowful-looking Bird of Paradise flower. Remember it is a flower that symbolizes joyfulness, paradise, freedom, anticipation, excitement and most importantly love and thoughtfulness. Our heavenly paradise is coming, perhaps, very soon!

While we wait, let us share our joy, our excitement our message of freedom in Christ and our anticipation for His return. In the sharing, let us be thoughtful and may our love for the lost overflow from the love which comes from Christ.

Be a beautiful blossom, a sweet aroma that causes people to stop and take notice. We can be God’s chosen vessel, His channel of hope, to a world that is desperately hurting.

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.