Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone - and welcome to July!

I had two old fillings replaced this past week at the dentist. They were cracking, which is not surprising because I think they have been in my mouth since my early teens and in that time I have done a lot of talking and chewing (at the same time on some occasions.) That is a lot of use and wear and tear.

A few days after my appointment, I received a survey asking for feedback about my experience. The dentist office I go to is really good so I was able to answer many of the questions with 10 out of 10 (How was the welcome? How long was the time in the waiting room? How was the dentist?)

But when they asked me to rank how comfortable I was during the appointment, I had to laugh. I don't care how good you are, if you stick needles in my gums, drill holes in my head, leave half my face numb for hours, and my moustache smelling of burnt tooth smoke for the rest of the day, the best I can give you is a 5 (which is what I did with that explanation.)

Part of me wishes I will be sent a similar survey after my next colonoscopy - that would be fun to give feedback about!

Today's video is a fun story about a woman and her "Suddenly Cactus!"
Click here to watch.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 

An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost on the prairie. After what seemed like forever, they finally came to a city.

When they saw a gentleman on the sidewalk they pulled up to the curb and the lady wound down her window and asked: "Excuse me, sir.  Where are we?"

The gentleman replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."

The woman rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said,

"We really are lost. They don't even speak English here!"

People are so judgmental - I can tell just by looking at them.

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I told a joke on a zoom meeting, but nobody laughed.

Turns out I'm not remotely funny.

"A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success."

- Unknown

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window.

Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light.

Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

When it comes to words, everybody has their own definition.

Someone says one word and another person thinks it's altogether something else. For example, when someone says "vegetable," The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage thinks broccoli. On the other side of the dinner table, I think carrot cake. We have never been able to come together on this word. I often get in trouble when at a restaurant. The waitress comes to take our order, then looks at me and asks what vegetable I wanted. I reply, "I'll have carrot cake for my vegetable today."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

I have ordered a new desktop computer for Cybersalt World Headquarters: the first new one since May of 2013. I do a lot of training videos and some live streams for my YouTube channel and this new computer is going to help me crank out more of those with some improved quality. It's another purchase that my boss made to keep me from leaving the company. I think it's a smart move because I don't think the business could run without me!

Today's video share is of a sport that Grandma Cybersalt and I have played - but definitely not at this level. Keep you eye on the birdy!
Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace
===============================

1.  Page yourself over the intercom.  (don't disguise your voice)

2.  Ask people to call you "Captain"

3.  Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.

4.  Put a chair facing the printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

5.  Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting.  During the meeting eat five entire raw potatoes.

6 Insist that your e-mail address be:
zena_goddess_of_fire@c..."

7.  Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

8.  Put your garbage can on your desk.  Label it "IN".

9.  Send e-mail messages saying "free pizza, free donuts in the lunchroom." When people complain that there was none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh, you've got to be faster than that."

10.  Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

I keep hearing it takes a village to raise a child. Do they just show up, or is there a number to call?

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Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

Sometimes we miss savoring a worthy moment because we are too busy trying to plan a perfect one.

- unknown

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All right. Get in."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

I like the old saying, “Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does.”

This is the kind of world we live in today, and I’m still not adjusted to this sort of thing. I’m not sure I will ever adjust to the world around me.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone!

I was driving home from a men's gathering last evening (after enjoying a barbeque and making bows and arrows with my son-in-law, Josh) when I started to hear a rattle from the left front corner of my pickup truck. I was pretty sure I had a rock rattling around in the hub cover until the rattling sound changed into the sound of a metal part skipping down the road of the neighbourhood we had just turned into.

It turned out that the actual hub cover had come loose because, like me, it had a few loose screws. Well, actually, at the point it fell off it had no more screws, but it was still a fun memory to make with Josh, and for the guy sitting in his driveway who pointed me to the lawn the part had ended up on! It's a 92 Ford F150 4x4, so I suppose it's to be expected from time to time!

Today's video share is an example of what happens when music goes to the dogs.
Click here to watch.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 

I hope the bulletin in your church is more accurate than these ones!

1.  Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

2.  Thursday night - Potluck supper.  Prayer and medication to follow.

3.  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4.  For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

5.  The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6.  This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7.  Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

8.  Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs.  Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

9.  Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

10.  This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

11.  The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

12.  Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

13.  The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

14.  A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

15.  At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell." Come early and listen to our choir practice.

16.  The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

17.  Today...Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.

18.  During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

19.  The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

20.  The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Stanley Green who has Mrs. Green with him.  After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

21.  The 'eighth graders' will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m.  The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

To avoid straining your eyes when you're continuously working, follow the 20-20-20 rule; after 20 minutes of work, look at something 20 feet away, then spend 20 years in the forest.

@macabredarklingwaters

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I took a friend of mine who is visually impaired to church with me this morning. Several of the children in the congregation were fascinated with her Braille Bible.

One of the adults came over to see what the kids were so excited about, and Ellen told the woman, "Oh, well, I was telling them how bumpy the road to salvation is."

"Divine deliverance does not always mean an escape from trouble: it sometimes means finding God in trouble."

John Stott

A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and changed the water into wine.

"And what did you learn from that story?" asked his father afterward.

The boy thought for a moment and then answered, "If you're having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Occasionally I go to my computer and search for the wealthiest preachers in America. I am curious to know who came up with this idea, but I check it out occasionally to see who they are.

As often as I have checked this information, I have never found my name on that list. I so much wanted to see my name on that list. Everybody knows that the Internet never lies. So, I need to accept that I am not one of the wealthiest preachers in America. Poor me!

That may explain many things in my life that I did not quite understand before.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

With the summer solstice occurring yesterday, today will be shorter (daylight-wise) than yesterday. Grandma Cybersalt mentioned to me that she does not look forward to the longest day of the year like she does the shortest. I agree and understand where she is coming from, but I am certainly am not looking forward to it right now! I am just going to keep enjoying the long days until sometime in August when I first notice the days are getting shorter. I will re-evaluate after that.

The subject of today's video share sounds like the name of villain from a James bond Movie. "Octobase" is the largest of basses - and this video easily forms the basis of proof for that!
Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

A throw-back joke to the late '90s when everyone was concerned about the year 2000 and what might happen to all the computers as one century ended and a new one began.

Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.

During dinner He told them:
"I need three important people to send my message out to all people - Tomorrow I will destroy the earth"

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them:
"I have two very bad news items for you:
1.  God really exists, and
2.  Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."

Clinton called an Emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them:
"I have good news and bad news:
1.  The good news is: God really does exist.
2.  The bad news is: tomorrow He's destroying the earth."

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and happily announced:
"I have two fantastic announcements.
1.  I am one of three most important people on earth.
2.  The Year 2000 problem is solved."

If you see a toilet in your dreams, DO NOT USE IT!

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

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Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.

You cannot see your reflection in boiling water. Similarly, you cannot see the truth in a state of anger. When the water calms, clarity comes.

- unknown

You gave me words of kindness
tied with a ribbon of gold,
hearing them was important
to heal my heart and soul.

Your gift of words made a difference
when I was down and blue,
questioning why I bother,
doing what I do.

Life can be a challenge
sometimes it seems unfair,
but when I was tired and struggling
it helped that you were there.

What can I give you in return
your friendship is so dear,
please know if you ever need me
I will always be here.

Kind words and time are needed
by people everywhere,
when wrapped with a smile or a hug
they're a gift that says I CARE!

- Author Unknown

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

As my Uncle Fred used to say, "One of the great benefits of getting old is that you know everything."

If you had ever met Uncle Fred, you would easily conclude that he certainly wasn’t getting old.

Of course, there are things I have learned during my aging career that has been of great use to me. If I weren’t as old as I am, I wouldn’t know all I know now.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.