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Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
A big shoutout to Cybersaltine, Rev. B Wannall who, after Sunday's mailing, asked me, "What? Nothing about Palm Sunday?" Funny story: I did not realize it was Palm Sunday last Sunday until I was standing in church after the first song had been sung and our children's pastor called the kids forward to get palm branches to wave as we sang "Hosanna!"
I had to chuckle because I would never have imagined the day would come when anything like that would happen, but I guess retiring from pastoring local churches will do that. BTW, pray for Rev. Wannall - he told me he didn't realize it was Holy Week because he had just gotten out of the hospital after 9 weeks!
Today's video share pokes some good fun at the theory the Disciples faked Jesus' resurrection by stealing his body.
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double clicking icons put your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
One-Liner #1736
The IRS! They're like the Mafia - they can take anything they want!
- Jerry Seinfeld
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Joke Execution
"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted."
- Fred Allen
Quote #2172
"The strength of patience hangs on our capacity to believe that God is up to something good for us in all our delays and detours."
- John Piper, Battling Unbelief: Defeating Sin with Superior Pleasure
Touch of Wonder
When I was about 13 and my brother 10, our father promised to take us to the circus. But then at lunchtime there was a phone call--some urgent business that required his attention downtown--and we braced ourselves for disappointment. But then we heard him say, "No, I won't be able to come down. It's going to have to wait."
He came back to the table and mother smiled, "The circus keeps coming back, you know."
"I know," he said, "but childhood doesn't."
After all these years I remember that moment. And I knew from the sudden glow of warmth that no kindness is ever really wasted or completely lost. Because family matters.
~Arthur Gordon
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
How Old is Too Old
I have never thought too much about my age. After all, you cannot choose when you will be born. Age is just a matter of thinking, and thinking is not my strong suit.
I never really thought about being old. I’m not exactly sure what the real definition of old is.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Here's the exercise program I am using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he won't expect it back.
Massachusetts: When a Catholic sneezes three times during the church service.
"To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow."
A hot-headed golfer with a penchant for breaking clubs was playing one day when he came to the 16th hole, where he faced an approach shot across a ravine.
Last week was the first anniversary of my heart attack. My celebratory plan was to go to McDonald’s for a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a chocolate milkshake.
A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
The term "domestic housewife" implies that there are feral housewives, and now I have a new goal!
"It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish."
A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over.
I have never considered myself to be boring. I may be boring to other people but not to myself.
Almost every religion in the world has the concept of fasting. Muslims keep thirsty fasts in the year and Jews keep twenty-two fasts in the year. Christians keep a forty day fast each year and the church calls this season Lent. Lent means the spring season, which means fasting brings a new spiritual spring into the life of believers, and they enjoy it, but Christians can keep fasting anytime in the year.
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.
People know you for what you've done, not what you plan to do.
"When the unemployed actor got a job with a demolition company, he finally brought down the house."
"The life of faith is not a life of mounting up with wings, but a life of walking and not fainting."
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
Let me be clear from the beginning. I have made a lot of mistakes during my life. I have made mistakes that I don’t even know about to this day. Even the ones I do know about, I cannot remember very clearly.
The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
Do you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears?
"When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A."
"The whole point of getting things done is knowing what to leave undone."
It takes strength to be firm.
Busy weeks seem quite the norm for me. When I think things have slowed down, I turn a corner and things speed up again. So it seems like I never really get a break.