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Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
I did get my CT scan late on Monday night at 11:00pm, which was wonderful because I am a night owl and the hospital was pretty much quiet. Thank you for your fun poem, haiku, and limerick submissions which I found very entertaining - for a number of reasons, lol! They are today's Cleanlaugh.
Today's video share is one of my favourite riddles.
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Medical Poems, Haikus, and Limericks
I (Pastor Tim) was having some health issues so I invited Cybersalt Digest Subscribers to lighten things up by writing a poem, haiku, or limerick with the words diverticulitis, CT scan, and antibiotics in it.
Here are the submissions in the order they were received!
The Maladies of Pastor Tim
Diverticulitis? Antibiotics? A CT scan? Is this right? Could this be the plan?
I think Tim has a hangnail, a boil, and a really ugly zit. Much easier to rhyme so this must be it—a new diagnosis if the doctor permits.
- Debbie C.
I hate when I don't feel well
It hurts right to the soul.
I'm one of God's children
Therefore I should be whole.
But alas I am mistaken
And so, our Lord must right us.
We can't always be one hundred percent;
Therefore diverticulitis.
So the doctor wants a CT scan.
Hope it's not a mistake.
But I can't tell, until I'm feeling well.
So, these xxx antibiotics I'll take.
- Jean B
I wasn't feeling well one day,
So I called my Dr up.
He said I'll order a CT scan,
and see what's in your gut.
It's diverticulitis he said,
as his eyes looked towards the sky.
I believe an antibiotic will do
with lots of prayers thrown in.
I'll see you back in three more weeks
If I don't see you before.
There was a Tim without a beard, who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Bad digestion, CT scans and antibiotic, make my life totally chaotic.
- Gerard D.
Tickle, tickle.
Tickle, tickle.
Diverticulitis.
- R. Duoos
Having Diverticulitis
Is something that doesn't excite us
Using a CT scan
The doc said this is your problem my man
Now antibiotics will hopefully right us
- dbrucepm
One-Liner #1731
"You gotta try your luck at least once a day, because you could be going around lucky all day and not even know it."
- Jimmy Dean
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Arguing with Baited Breath
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
Quote #2167
"May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back."
- Irish blessing
Wisdom, Silence, Age vs. Youth
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.
Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys full of youthful after-school enthusiasm came down his street beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.
A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look" he said, "I haven't received my Social Security (Pension) check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
A Trip Around the Whirlwind
Recently, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I were able to take a well-earned vacation. One of our grandsons graduated from high school in Ohio, and we decided to go and celebrate with him. It is amazing what you learn when you go on a vacation.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Tiring of the inconvenience of the drive from airport to country cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the lake directly in front of his cottage.
The man who moves mountains begins by carrying away small stones.
A neutron goes into a bar. The bartender looks him over and says,
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
A mother was watching her four year-old son playing outside in a small plastic pool half-filled with water. He was happily walking back and forth across the pool, making big splashes.
You would think I would have learned all I needed to learn at my age. However, each day I learn something I did not know the day before. So much of my new learning is still connected to being married to The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.
A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, "Yes?"
I haven't failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...
“It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till. What weather they shall have is not ours to rule.”
One day a father of a rich family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night on the farm of a very poor family.
I must confess I am too poor to pay attention at this time in my life. I hope one day I will win the lottery and be able to afford to pay attention. But, of course, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage says that you can’t win a lottery unless you play the lottery. Well, I don’t play the lottery. Sigh!
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination when he stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep."
"If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them."
"I have a sore throat, Doctor. I ache, I have a fever."
“I cured myself of shyness when it finally occurred to me that people didn't think about me half as much as I gave them credit for. The truth was, nobody gave a damn. Like most teenagers, I was far too self-centered. When I stopped being prisoner to what I worried was others’ opinions of me, I became more confident and free.”
~ Jumping on the bandwagon
Some people believe in karma, but I don’t. Some people believe what you do will come back on you some way or the other.
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists.
I can is 100 times more important than IQ.
Q. How do you make sure that no one steals your bagel?
“Justice is not something God has. Justice is something that God is.”
How can we have a revival?" someone ask the great evangelist, Gypsy Smith.
There are a few things that I am good at, but I can’t recollect them at this point. But I will say there are many things I’m not good at. I think I probably am the king of Amateurism.