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Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4648 - May 27, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Pipe WrenchOh look, Chicken Thursday!

For self-encouragement, I think it is important to seek out quick little victories from time to time, especially when other things you are forced to do become more complicated than they should be.

Case in point: A client, who usually pays by cheque in the mail, was more than a month overdue paying their most recent invoice so I charged them a late fee of 2 percent. They contacted me and asked if they could pay what they owed by credit card and I accommodated their request. I then realized that the credit card company was going to take a fee higher than the late fee I charged so in the end I was going to end up being paid less. I figured, "Oh well, that's the cost of being in business."

But then I heard back from the client that when they tried to pay the invoice by credit card the online form would not allow them to enter the full amount they owed. So I took some time to duplicate the issue on my end and then I called the credit card processor to try and get the situation fixed. I explained everything to a support person who then put me on hold to try and solve my problem. Twenty minutes later I was disconnected. I phoned back and explained my problem to someone else. They were a really good listener - so good, in fact, that at one point I had to ask, "Are you still there?" They were - until 5 minutes later when I was disconnected.

So I called back, a third time, and explained, a third time, what was going on. That person put me on hold to look into the problem. I was on hold for over 60 minutes. The hold music was the same song over and over and over and it wore me down almost to the point where I was about to give up the secret location of the troops when number 3 returned. He told me he was going to have to pass me to a different technical department - and did.

The guy in the next department answered and asked me what was going on and how could he help. Yup, I had to tell my whole story for a 4th time. Three hours after I had begun my quest for a solution, he explained that their payment form was best described as "finicky" and suggested a workaround.

Which brings me back to seeking out little victories in life. Since that little result took a 3 hour time investment to produce, I decided it was time to do something little that would bring some greater satisfaction. I went straight to unplugging some very slow flowing plumbing in the basement of our house. It was messy, gooey, and super stinky, but after 20 minutes I had won! I even broke one of my wrenches in the process, which I also consider a win because I can go shopping for a new one - score!

When some tasks have fought/are fighting you all the way, look around for one you can beat easily. Sometimes the biggest win you can get is only a small one.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim



Turtle Keeper

tortoiseMartin was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the job centre he was offered work at the local zoo.

When he arrived for his first day, the keeper aware of his reputation told him to take care of the tortoise section.

Later, the keeper dropped by to see how Martin was getting on and found him standing by an empty enclosure.

"Where are the tortoises?" he asked him.

"I can't believe it" said Martin. "I just opened the door and then.....Whooooosh!"



One-Liner #1574

phone3She has the personality of a dial tone.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Processing Dregs

woman angry3Microchips: what's left at the bottom of the bag when it reaches you.



Quote #2011

quote 2011

"He who knows all the answers has not been asked all the questions."

- Confucius



Following the Crowd

spiderOnce a spider built a beautiful web in an old house. He kept it clean and shiny so that flies would patronize it. The minute he got a "customer" he would clean up on him so the other flies would not get suspicious. Then one day this fairly intelligent fly came buzzing by the clean spider web.

Old man spider called out, "Come in and sit."

But the fairly intelligent fly said, "No, sir. I don't see other flies in your house, and I am not going in alone!"

But presently he saw on the floor below a large crowd of flies dancing around on a piece of brown paper. He was delighted! He was not afraid if lots of flies were doing it. So he came in for a landing.

Just before he landed, a bee zoomed by, saying, "Don't land there, stupid! That's flypaper!"

But the fairly intelligent fly shouted back, "Don't be silly. Those flies are dancing. There's a big crowd there. Everybody's doing it. That many flies can't be wrong!"

Well, you know what happened. He was stuck on the spot and eventually died right where he landed. Some of us want to be with the crowd so badly that we end up in a mess.

What does it profit a fly (or a person) if he escapes the web only to end up in the glue?

- Charles Swindoll, "Living Above the Level of Mediocrity"


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4647 - May 23, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Chasing Ice - a Huge Glacier Calving EventGrandma Cybersalt learned a new word today - so I did too. The word is liminal, defined in one way by Mirriam-Webster as, "of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition." (I wonder if any of us are *not* in that state right now, given how our world is currently!)

I know I am in a liminal time in my life in regard to the loss of my childhood friend 2 months ago. As confident as I am in the genuiness of Darrell's faith in Jesus, and God's faithfulness and ability to take care of him in eternity, whenever I begin to be comforted by those facts my heart says, "Wait, I'm not ready yet."

One of the great (and hard) features of a such a season is that it provides a pause that lets what has to belong in the past to be left in the past, so that the future can come can as it must and bloom without what is no more. Rushing, or being rushed, too quickly forward from one into the other is a recipe for the emotional disaster.

So, my body may be living in a world without Darrell, but part of my heart is taking a pause before joining it in a this new present. This liminality is protecting me from being torn by a tug of war between the past and the future. And that's OK for a season.

Today's video share may make you feel sad and maybe cry. But being sad and crying is also OK, which is one of the points of the song that these people are filmed listening to.

Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim



What a Teacher Means

children5What a teacher says and what he/she really means.

1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
Really means: He was caught cheating on a test.

2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and vitability.
Really means: The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes.

3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
Really means: He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met.

4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
Really means: The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all quarter.

5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
Really means: The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away.

6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
Really means: Your son needs to stop socializing and start working.

7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
Really means: Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument.

8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
Really means: He's a bully.

9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
Really means: Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond.

10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
Really means: She's so immature that we've run out of diapers.

11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
Really means: He must have written the Whiner's Guide.

12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
Really means: Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade.

13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
Really means: A mouth that never stops yacking.



One-Liner #1573

golf teeMan blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Cybersalt News


Quote #2010

quote 2010

"The simple things are also the most extraordinary, and only the wise can see them."

- Paulo Coelho



Promises

child and dadA young girl asked her father if all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon A Time?"

"No," he replied. A whole lot of them begin with "If elected I promise..."


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

What Would the World Be without Apple Fritters?

gift habeshaw Of8C QHqagM unsplash copyStress is not something new in my life or anybody else's, for that matter. The thing about stress is that you never get used to it, or at least I don't. I don't know what I would do if one week I had no stress at all. When that happens, I'll let you know.This past week has not been one of those stress-free weeks. Starting on the very first day of the week, stress poked its nose into my business.

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4646 - May 20, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Singing GirlOh look, Chicken Thursday!

I had to go for some bloodwork and an x-ray on my foot yesterday afternoon and hoped to squeeze in a haircut afterwards - if there was time. I had blocked out two hours to hopefully get the medical stuff done, which would involve lining up in two different places in the same building. I suspected that it was going to be more like two and a half hours and I was ready to miss out on my haircut.

When I got to the x-ray department I was pleased to discover that there was only one person ahead of me. Ten minutes later my feet, tanned and tingling from the radiation, were taking me upstairs to get the other test done.

When I walked into the lab I was amazed to see 5 staff members sitting and hanging out amongst themselves in the reception area. There was nobody waiting. Just like that time Grandma Cybersalt was looking for someone to marry, I was number one! Ten minutes later I was on my way to the barbershop.

It got even better after that! When I pulled my shaggy self up to the barbershop, there was my barber, sitting reclined in his chair waiting for someone to show up. Once again, just like that time I was in a police lineup, I was number one!

So, all in all my afternon outing was pretty much obstacle free!

Speaking of obstacles, today's fun video share (there are actually 2 videos) shows some quirrels that are so nuts for nuts they won't let any obstacle stand in their way.

Squirrels for Nuts - video one
Squirrels for Nuts - video two

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim



Dream Woman

dishes washingA young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn't started eating yet."



One-Liner #1572

man sad2Never lend money to a friend; it ruins their memory.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Found Your Keys

car rh driveA guy with three eyes, no arms, and one leg is hitchhiking.

A British gent pulls over, rolls down the window, and says, "Aye, aye, aye! You look 'armless! 'op in!"



Quote #2009

 quote 2009

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather a skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "WOW! What a Ride!"

- Hunter S. Thompson



Impartiality

gavelA friend of mine had just become a district court judge and was nervous about presiding impartially over his first criminal trial. As a former prosecutor, he could see the preponderance of evidence was clearly against the defendant.

The proceedings went smoothly, until it was time for him to instruct the jury.

"The jury," he said, "is to convene to the guilty room."


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4645 - May 16, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Chasing Ice - a Huge Glacier Calving EventI mentioned a few weeks back that Grandma Cybersalt and I have been enjoying watching the live stream of - and videos about - the new volcano in Iceland. It's really cool!

The great, big, huge machinations of God's creation remind me that as much as humans are created in the image of God, I am still very tiny and weak in the big scheme of things and that I need to remain humble and dependant upon Him. It's the same reminder I get from something as cool as a new volcano: old glaciers!

Which brings me to today's video share of an amazing glacier calving event that was cught on film back in 2008.

Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim



Parts is Parts

man shoppingA parts manager for a small tool repair shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead.

Furious at the factory's incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind.

Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: "TURN THE PART OVER."



One-Liner #1571

dog puppiesA kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Trophy Meal

taxidermy bisonAfter the wild game dinner, the taxidermist felt stuffed.



Quote #2008

quote 2008

"When I'm hungry, I eat what I love, When I'm bored, I do something I love. When I'm lonely, I connect with someone I love. When I feel sad, I remember that I am loved."

- Michelle May



Spelling Eligible

woman on phoneAs the shopping centre's marketing director, I was putting the finishing touches on an ad. I asked Nancy, the newspaper's sales representative, how to spell "eligible." She wrote it down on a card she fished from her purse. I completed the copy, returned the card to her, and she left.

Not long after, I received a call from the manager of one of our shoe stores. He asked if I knew if Nancy was married. I told him I thought so and asked why he was interested. "She just gave me her business card," he said, "and on the back she's written 'eligible'."


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

New Normal: If It's Free, It Ain't for Me

Once when I wore a younger man's suit I would take anything free.New Normal If Its Free It are not for me I assumed it was my right to get something free. Then I had a conversation with my grandfather.

If anybody knew how to squeeze a buffalo out of a nickel, it was my grandfather. But you couldn’t trick him by offering him something free. He said to me, "Son, if it's free, it ain't for me. "Explaining that, he said, "For everything free, somebody, somewhere has to pay for it."

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4644 - May 13, 2021

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Singing GirlOh look, Chicken Thursday!

As you know, I've been sharing videos in the Sunday Cybersalt mailings, but I'm starting to collect a bumper crop of them so I am going to begin sharing some on Thursdays as well.

Some people would say this increase in videos is a sign of my devotion to you, my fellow Cybersaltines, and wanting to provide great content for your inspiration and entertainment. Others would say I watch too much Youtube!

Both are true, but I am not going to comment on which is more true. Actually, if two things are true they are equally true, so I guess I won't comment on which is more accurate.

Speaking of YouTube, the video I am sharing today is on FaceBook. The little girl in this video is how I want to be when I grow up!

www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1388284308204439 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim



Tap Away

woman angryDuring an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me communicate with him, my husband devised a system of taps.

One tap meant, "Give me a kiss," two taps meant "Yes," seven taps meant "No," and 95 taps meant "Take out the garbage."



One-Liner #1570

child sixMore money is now spent amusing children than was spent on the education of their grandparents.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Haunting Rhythm

man afraidTed Lawrence awakened from a deep sleep.

What was that noise? He could have sworn he just heard music coming from somewhere. But that was impossible. He was alone in the house.

There it was again, coming from outside the bedroom door. Familiar music that he couldn't place. It certainly wasn't coming from his stereo since there wasn't anything remotely like it in his extensive collection of music. He preferred rock but this was something else entirely.

Suddenly, there was an outburst of laughter as if a big party was in full swing downstairs. Loud voices and hoots echoed off the walls as the volume increased.

He clutched the sheets in fear, hauling them over his head to try to block out the noise coming from the empty house. Could he be dreaming? Was this all a figment of an overworked imagination?

No sooner had he asked himself these questions when the bedroom door flew open, embedding the knob in the freshly painted wall. He nearly jumped out of the sheets, and his skin, at the same time. What was that? His heart seemed to be looking for the easiest path out of his chest.

''Who's there?" he asked timidly. No answer. The racket continued unabated downstairs.

I've got to be flipping out, he thought. Maybe a nervous breakdown. That had to be it. The house was empty and he was alone. But the music continued nonetheless. Um-pum-pum, um-pum-pum.

Trembling, he inched his way out of bed and moved toward the door. Laughter erupted as he crossed the floor. He whipped his head around to make sure no one was behind him. Downstairs, accordions and drums blasted an incessant beat into his terrified brain as he edged out into the hallway.

Nothing. No lights, no flickering shadows. He had to be losing his mind.

That beat, repetitious and boring. An odd beat with the accent on the last half. Most unusual.

He felt his way to the top of the stairs, not daring to turn on any lights for fear he might see something he really didn't want to confront. He peered into the darkness. Still as death, he thought, and quickly wiped the unfortunate choice of metaphor from his mind.

He made his way quietly down the stairs and reached for the switch. As his fingers searched, something cold and slimy clamped itself over his hand. He reeled back in horror as something laughed in his ear.

Then something glowing flashed in front of his face and flew up the stairs. A cold, thin tendril wrapped around his ankles and slithered up his leg.

He was cemented to the floor. His eyes were wide with terror as the laughter and the music reached ear-splitting levels. Then it dawned on him. Of course. He had been so stupid. He should have stayed in bed, maybe then he would have had a chance.

But now it was too late. A scream erupted from his tortured lips as he slipped to the floor.

Um-pum-pum, um-pum-pum. That beat! It was pounding mercilessly into his very soul. He watched in dread fascination as one of his feet began to jerk back and forth in time to the music. They were inside his body now. He tried to form the word but could barely move his lips.

Polka-geist!

(By Terry Morrison)



Quote #2007

 quote 2007

"Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places."

- Garrison Keillor



Barbers Don't Exist

barberA man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer.

'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back to enter the barbershop again and said to the barber: 'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'

'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'

'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4643 - May 9, 2021
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4642 - May 6, 2021
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4641 - May 2, 2021
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4640 - April 25, 2021

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