Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Thank you, everyone, for your patience and kind words after last Thursday's mailing was skipped due to the pain in my right foot. I'll be honest, "Arthur" really delivered on his latest visit. My foot is still not completely right - though it still is completely right!

Speaking of things that aren't right, as you can see from the picture on the right I changed my beard style to the "Monkey Tail" yesterday. Last year, weeks into the pandemic, I let my beard grow in with the plan being to shave it when I was vaccinated and the pandemic was over. Of course, we know now that pandemics don't stop on a dime like that, so I changed my beard-shaving-timing to 3 weeks after I got my first shot; when my body's immune response had started to kick in. Yesterday was the day, but a few months ago I had seen pictures of the monkey tail beard online and thought I'd make that stop along the way.

The truth is, from time to time I change my facial hair for a bit of mental health fun and maintenance. A change in beardom can be a great way to break up boredom, or to even help with a mental burden. It's like putting a new layer of icing on a tier of cake before moving on to the next level. It is no different than how some people dye their, switch up the furniture placement in a commonly used room, or change their name and move to a country where they don't speech the language. Pro-tip: don't try the monkey tail beard and moving to a different country at the same time!

Now, back to where we should have been last week!

Two weeks ago I commented on how Lynne T. was so pained, but delightfully polite, in correcting my misuse of the word "vile" instead of "vial." Quite intentionally, and just for fun, I concluded with this grammatically horrific apology to Lynne:

I mostly apologize for making that mistake that drove you up the wall, down under. I'm not like those people who make mistakes and then say it wasn't there fault. Its something I am aware of and will definitely keep working on. ;-)

To my delight, many of you were quick to notice that I used "there" instead of "their" along the way. I assure you that this was entirely intentional, with my tongue deeply in cheek. It gave me great joy when some of you actually thought it was another mistake I had not noticed. 

However, I was filled with both joy and glee at the fact that everybody was so shocked by my misuse of "there" that nobody even noticed that two words later I intentionally used the wrong "its!"

Thank you, thankyou, thank-you for all the happiness you bring by interacting with with this middle-aged, monkey-tail faced grandfather!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim

Two older women, Colleen and Melinda, who were rivals in a social circle met at a party at their country club.

"My dear," said Melinda, "Are those real pearls?"

"They are," replied Colleen.

"Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them," smiled Melinda.

Colleen responded, "Yes, but for that you would need real teeth."

She suffers in silence louder than anyone I know!

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

General Mills makes Corn Chex, Rice Chex, etc. If the Post company bought these brands, then I have a new product for them.

Take some Wheat Chex, add pieces of fresh dates and a little cinnamon and sugar, and voila!

New, Post Dated Chex!

"A preacher's life should be a commentary of his doctrine; his practice should be a counterpart of his sermons."

- Thomas Brooks

While sitting on the train one day, the man next to me started screaming, "Call me a doctor! Call me a doctor!"

I asked, "Are you sick?"

"No," he replied, "I just graduated from medical school."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Sorry for there being no mailing last Chicken Thursday. Every now and then I have a touch of arthritis in my right foot and a really bad flare up had me stuck on the couch for the day; across the room, but very far away, from the computer.  Things seem to be on the mend, much slower this time, so hopefully I'll be back in the full swing of things soon!

Congratulations to my good friend, Dr. Harold McNabb, on the publishing of his book, "Spirit Code."  Harold is my "coffee every Friday afternoon" friend - a routine I am hoping returns once COVID settles down.  He has been working on his book for a number of years and there is a character in the book with my name. Apparently the character is a heretic, so he's not an exact match to me, lol. Here is a description of his novel:

Most of the time, mistakes cost you, but now and then lead to a lucky break.

A spur of the moment detour into a small town, for example, could lead to nothing but a wasted half-hour, or it could be the hinge that changes your life. Josh Parker, alone with only his Basset hound, Max, and a small inheritance in his pocket, ventures in Glenview, a town he hadn't planned to visit. His life soon takes a decisive detour. He encounters the beautiful Elizabeth Guthrie and buys an old church with a secret past leading to an encounter with Arnon, a warrior angel. A small but determined group of opponents will stop at nothing in their quest to thwart Arnon's mission in the lives of Josh and Elizabeth.

This novel is set up as the first in a series of at least three books featuring Josh and Elizabeth Parker, their dog Max, and from time to time, the angel Arnon.

You can order a digital version of the book through this link:
https://books2read.com/u/38QVn6

Today's video share is an interesting, nighttime interaction between a racoon and an owl: 

Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

Vacation: What you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking all along!

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking.

He called me a quitter.

~Steven Pearl

A little girl asked her brother, "What is love?"
He replied, "Love is when you steal chocolate from my lunch bag everyday and I still put it in the same place."

- Unknown

Following a heavy-metal rock concert, one punk rocker stopped at the front desk of the hotel and asked if she had any messages. The desk clerk handed her an unsigned note, and she asked for a description of the person who had left it.

"That's easy," replied the clerk. "He wore tight orange-leather pants, high-heeled black boots and a T-shirt with strategically cut holes. I remember a row of colored safety pins through the outside edge of one ear, and he wore purple eyeshadow. And his hair was orange and spiked."

"Oh, man!," she said, obviously disappointed, "that could be anybody!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

As I get older, and my goal is to get as old as I can, I begin to realize some of the things I haven't noticed in my life. You know how it is; things creep up little by little, and then all of a sudden, there it is.

That happened to me recently with my eyes. Since I was in the ninth grade (I will not disclose the year), I have been wearing glasses and have become used to wearing them. Every year I would have them upgraded, and the upgrade was little by little until if I took my glasses off, I couldn't see my real self.

The advantage of that is, I don’t wear my glasses when I look in the bathroom mirror. That saves me a lot of problems. What am I going to do what I can really see?

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

The news today is that I can hardly wait until Wednesday to follow up on some of your replies to the news on Wednesday. Some of you are a real hoot!

Today's video share is from a YouTube channel that Grandma Cybersalt and I enjoy watching. Mark Rober is crazy smart: there is even tech on Mars that he has help build! But his latest video is about someone here on earth at the center of his world.

Our collective world would be so much better if more would take his message to heart!

Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-goober

A Goober named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin.

Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."

Carol (also a Goober) answers the phone: "Hello?"

Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."

Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Carol: "Oh, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo."

Pam: "Are you sure?"

Carol: "I'm sure."

Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?"

Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart."

Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you have just won one million dollars!"

To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they're celebrating, Pam looks at Carol and asks her, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks.”

She drives a vehicle that costs $1,000 a mile ... a shopping cart.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

“Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.”

"Remember, despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they've met themselves." 

- Matt Kahn

My father, a submariner, was often out at sea for family occasions. As a result, he sometimes forgot about them.

One year he missed my mother's birthday. Unfortunately, it was impossible for her to tell him how furious she was since the Navy screened all messages, editing out anything that could be considered disturbing to the men on board.

However, my mother was not so easily defeated.

She sent my dad a message, thanking him profusely for the lovely birthday present he so kindly remembered to send her. Mom went on about how special Dad had made her feel by his thoughtfulness, and how grateful she was for his generosity.

Navy personnel forwarded the note. Dad got the message and never forgot my mother's birthday again.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

I am a student of smileology and have been just about all my life. If you can't smile at something,it's not worth thinking about. Of course, certain things in life are serious, but not that many. Too many people take everything seriously and ruin their life. These are the kind of people I like to be around because they take things so seriously and because of that, the jokes on them.

When I see somebody that looks sad, I have an impulse to try to do something to make them laugh. It is that smile on our face that defines who we are.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

There is lots of news to catch up on this week.

First of all, last week I asked if anyone could tell me what it said on my t-shirt in my vaccination picture. Congratulations to Tony T., Mike K., and William R. who got it right: “In my defense, I was left unsupervised.” I must also give honorable mention to Walter M., who made a valiant guess.

Secondly, last week I tried to make a pun using the words "vile" and "vial" but accidentally used "vile" twice. I think that John P. caught my mistake, but for sure Lynne T. definitely did. When Lynne reached out to me I could tell that her irritation at grammatical errors is only superseded by her kindness and gentleness. I was so moved and entertained by what she wrote I just have to share it with you:

"Hello. Many thanks for “PearlyGates”. To my ongoing frustration I’m an incurable pedant and find myself so irritated by errors in language that I am driven to point out the error. I hope this isn’t too aggravating for you. I just want to point out that you got a “vial” from the pharmacist. Not a “vile”. At least that’s how we spell it in Australia. (Did you notice the reference to frustration, irritation and aggravation and the above?) Blessings to you Lynne T."

Lynne, as I am sure you know, I wasn't trying to be vile when I made my vial mistake. I mostly apologize for making that mistake that drove you up the wall, down under. I'm not like those people who make mistakes and then say it wasn't there fault. Its something I am aware of and will definitely keep working on. ;-)

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim

What the Engineer Says (and what it means)

A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still grasping at straws.)

We're working on a fresh approach to the problem.
(We just hired three kids fresh out of college.)

Close project coordination.
(We know who to blame.)

Major technological break through.
(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.)

Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured.
(We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.)

Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.
(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

Test results were extremely gratifying.
(We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.)

The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only person who understood the thing quit.)

It is in process.
(It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.)

We'll look into it.
(Forget it! We have enough problems for now.)

Please read and initial.
(Let's spread the responsibility for the mistake.)

Give us the benefit of your thoughts.
(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.)

Give us your interpretation.
(I can't wait to hear this!)

See me, or Let's Discuss.
(Come into my office, I'm lonely.)

All new!
(Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.)

Rugged
(Too heavy to lift!)

Lightweight
(Lighter than rugged.)

Years of development
(One finally worked.)

Energy saving
(Achieved when the power switch is off.)

Low maintenance
(Impossible to fix if broken.)

She calls her car "flattery" because it gets her nowhere.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

“Gossip : Letting the chat out of the bag!”

"In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act."

- Unknown

From "The Brandon Republican and Eastern Advocate," of Brandon, Mississippi, Volume 1, Number 39, December 29, 1837

NOTICE TO YOUNG LADIES, WIDOWS AND OLD MAIDS

Whereas my husband, Isaac W. Odom, left home without any just provocation on Saturday night the 11th instant, with an intention of not returning, this is to forewarn all persons from stopping him or impeding him on his journey in any way whatever, as I am resolved not to pursue him, as this is the second time he has made the attempt.

I particularly forewarn all young ladies or widows from marrying or harboring him, as I do positively assure them that they would rue their bargain. He is about 5 feet 11 inches high, spare made, light hair, blue eyes, tolerably talkative, fond of company, 39 years old. Any person seeing him will do me a favor by advising him never to return, as I positively will never live with him.

Mahalah Ann Odom, Yalobusha Co. Nov. 23, 1837

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.