One-liners

"Each year a healthy adult male consumes one and one-half times his weight in other peoples patience." ~John Updike

"Eschew obfuscation."

"Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to."

"Every silver lining has a cloud."

"Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the

government."

"Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'"

"For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong."

"Forget about world peace...visualize using your turn signal!"

"Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places."

"Gas prices are so high that when this college girl pulled into a gas station and asked for 2 dollar's worth, the attendant dabbed some behind her ears."

"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and get rid of him for the day!"

"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.; give a man a stick of dynamite and soon the whole village will be strewn with mud, seaweed, and unidentifiable chunks of fish."

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

"Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle."

"Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe."