The man who moves mountains begins by carrying away small stones.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
I haven't failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point ... the glass is refillable.
"If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them."
- Reese Witherspoon
I can is 100 times more important than IQ.
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I'd have $6.30 right now.
Want to know what worry really is? A waste of time.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
I'm gonna spend Valentine's Day with my ex... Box 360.
250 pounds here on Earth is only 94.5 pounds on Mercury. I'm not fat, I'm just not on the right planet.
Hearing problems run in my family on my mother's side; both my father and my step-father were deaf on my mother's side.
The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
"No comment" is a comment.
- George Carlin
I got to the office earlier and switched the M and N keys on every keyboard I could. Some in my office will say that I am a monster, but others will say that I am a nomster!
"A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain."
- Graham Norton