Entertainment

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant.  Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around.  After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, "All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant.
They must be saved!  I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!"

As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze.  After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company's secret files.  From the distance a long siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight.  It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65.  To everyone's amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno.  In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.

After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.  Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.  After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money.  The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, "The first thing we're going to do is fix the stupid brakes on that truck!"

I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bed-time finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your pj's, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!"

Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."

Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"

Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered:

• I STARTED out with nothing....I still have most of it.
• When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
• All reports are in.  Life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through..
• It was all so different before everything changed.
• Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few...
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• It's not hard to meet expenses...  they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.

The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels... just lean on each other until they arrive."