Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Grandma Cybersalt and I got our flu shots this week and while we were at the doctor's office I also got the results of bloodwork for my thyroid levels and, as it turns out, my cholesterol levels. (I had forgotten that test was on the list as well.)

This helped me discover another plus of wearing medical masks everywhere (other than the benefit of reducing the spread of COVID, of course): when your doctor is telling you how high your cholesterol is and that your chance of a heart attack or stroke in the next 10 years is 1 in 5, he can't see the look on your face.

The look that my mask was covering was not one of fear or surprise. It was one of reluctance as I succumbed to the fact that my bacon boat was sunk, my days of buttered croissants had crashed, and my Kentucky Fried chicken had come home to roost. Not only were the levels higher than they have ever been (I have been quite the COVID cupcake these past 9 months), Susan was there, was hearing it all. I even said to my doctor, "You know you are breaking the 'bro' code by telling me this in front of my wife!"

So now I must adjust to life with the health nuts and seedy breakfasts - I mean with nuts that are healthy and breakfasts with lots of seeds. And, please don't think Susan is forcing me. It is the responsible and loving thing to do for her, our kids, and our grandchildren.

And besides, with carefree eating of my favorite foods removed from my middle-aged pleasures, getting a Mustang convertible can move up a spot on the to-do list!

Today's video share is an amazing vocal performance by Jonathan White, who at one point holds a note so long it made me wonder if he even needed to breath at all.

You can watch the video by clicking here.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Are you a Grinch? Test

Keep track of your points and check your status at the end.

1. You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).

2. You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).

3. You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).

4. You put out last year's stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.

5. You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Wal-Mart, or K Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each infraction).

6. You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you are stuck in a phone booth.

7. At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home (5 points; 15 points if you use this stuff for your own party).

8. You steal the wreath from a parked car to use on your own (Southern California only, others ignore: 5 points -- nobody but Angelenos dress a car).

9. After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made (5 points; 15 points if the fruitcake is from last year).

10. Any stealing from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins is a definite no-no (20 points).

Evaluate your score on the "Grinch Scale" from 20 to 100.

20-30: You are just a cheese ball.

30-50: You are an apprentice in Yuletide larceny and are probably wanted by the police for overdue parking tickets.

50-100: Grinch, move over. The Meyer Lansky of Christmas crime has arrived.

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One-Liner #1532

I'm only talking to my dog today.

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

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Presently, There's More

But wait ... there's myrrh.

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Quote #1970

 

"And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent..."

- Taylor Caldwell

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The Christmas Invitation

It was the biggest night of the year in a little town called Cornwall. It was the night of the annual Christmas pageant. It's an especially big deal for the children in town -- they get to try out for the roles in the Christmas story. Everybody wants a part.

Which leads us to the problem of Harold. Harold really wanted to be in the play, too, but he was - well, he was kind of a slow and simple kid. The directors were ambivalent - I mean, they knew Harold would be crushed if he didn't have a part, but they were afraid he might mess up the town's magic moment. Finally, they decided to cast Harold as the innkeeper - the one who turns Mary and Joseph away the night Jesus is to be born. He had only one line - "I'm sorry, we have no room." Well, no one could imagine what that one line was going to do to everyone's Christmas.

The night of the pageant the church was packed, as usual. The Christmas story unfolded according to plan - angels singing, Joseph's dream, and the trip to Bethlehem. Finally, Joseph and Mary arrived at the door of the Bethlehem inn, looking appropriately tired. Joseph knocked on the inn door, and Harold was there to open the door.

Joseph asked his question on cue - "Do you have a room for the night?" Harold froze. After a long pause, Harold mumbled his line, "I'm sorry - we have no room." And, with a little coaching, he shut the door. The directors heaved a sigh of relief - prematurely. As Mary and Joseph disappeared into the night, the set suddenly started shaking again - and the door opened. Harold was back! And then, in an unrehearsed moment that folks would not soon forget, Harold went running after the young couple, shouting as loud as he could -- "Wait! Don't go Joseph. Bring Mary back! You can have MY room!"

I think little Harold may have understood the real issue of Christmas better than anyone else there that night. How can you leave Jesus outside? You have to make room for Jesus. And that may be the issue for you this Christmas. What will you do with this Son of God who came to earth to find you?

Jesus is the One who trades a throne room for a stable, and the praise of angels for human mockery. This is the Creator who gives Himself on a cross! The Bible gives us the only appropriate response: "The life I now live I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me." (Gal. 2:20) You look at what Jesus did to pay for your sin on that cross, and you say those life-changing words - "For me."

Jesus is at YOUR door this Christmas. Maybe He's been knocking for a long time. Maybe He won't keep knocking much longer. All your life - even the events of the last few months - have been to prepare you for this crossroads moment with Jesus your Savior. Don't leave Him outside any longer. Open the door this Christmas Day. "Jesus, I cannot keep You out any longer. Come on in. You can have my room . . . my life."

Originally titled "Trouble at the Inn" by Dina Donahue

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Tell Santa I Tried To Be Nice

It’s that time of the year when the conversation around the dinner table in the Parsonage has to do with naughty or nice.

I must admit it's not my favorite conversation because what is naughty, and what is nice? That all depends on who you're talking to. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage has a different definition of these words than I do.

According to my wife, nice has to do with broccoli, and naughty has to do with Apple fritter. At least I can’t.

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

I made another person this week. That's right, I incorporated Cybersalt. But don't worry, my plan is not to go all serious and boring here in the Cybersalt Digest or PearlyGates list.

As Cybersalt grows I realize I need help to manage things and hire people, so I'm hoping to take advantage of some of the job creation funding and programs the Canadian government has - especially during and in the wake of the COVID pandemic.

Who knows, if things go really well maybe I'll diversify and open my own chicken fast food restaurant. Of course, if I do it will be only open on Thursdays!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! 

~ Pastor Tim

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Fruit Cake Top Ten

Sincere apologies to all of you who truly enjoy fruitcake. Unfortunately, it has a reputation and too easily becomes material for jokes like this one...

10. Use slices to balance that wobbly kitchen table.

9. Use instead of sand bags during El Nino.

8. Send to U.S. Air Force; let troops drop them.

7. Use as railroad ties.

6. Use as speed bumps to foil the neighborhood drag racers.

5. Collect ten and use them as bowling pins.

4. Use instead of cement shoes.

3. Save for next summer's garage sale.

2. Use slices in next skeet-shooting competition.

1. Two words: pin cushion.

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One-Liner #1531

Here I am - now what are your other two wishes?

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

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Gift Highding

Santa stores all the presents in the pole vault.

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Quote #1969

'Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most."

- Ruth Carter Stapleton

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Good Christmas Intentions

A kindly 90-year-old grandmother found buying presents for family and friends a bit much last Christmas. So she wrote out checks for all of them to put in their Christmas cards.

In each card she carefully wrote, "Buy your own present" and then sent them off.

After the Christmas festivities were over, she found the checks under a pile of papers on her desk!

Everyone on her gift list had received a beautiful Christmas card from her with "Buy your own present" written inside-- without the check!

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Grandma Cybersalt and I received some Covid Christmas cheer in the mail the other day from my sister. She is a very talented seamstress, in fact I still wear shirts she made for me when I went off to Bible College in 1984! As you'll see in the accompanying picture, this latest gift is something I hope we won't be wearing that long: matching masks, which is something we haven't had since we went to a Halloween party dressed as brother and sister racoons.

Speaking of Grandma Cybersalt, here in our province, we are not allowed to go into a house we don't live in until at least January 8, 2021. So Susan went shopping yesterday for  some of our regular groceries and a special intimate purchase - a turkey roll for our upcoming Christmas dinner were we will be the only people dining. The price of the turkey roll she picked out was $19.00, which is more than Susan would ever pay for such an item, but in the spirit of celebration was still a purchase she could make with her heart. That is until she noticed she could get a whole turkey for $18.00.

You guessed it, on Christmas Eve (the traditional day we have our big Christmas meal) we will be sitting down to a full turkey dinner for two, for three or four days. We aren't allowed to travel anywhere this Christmas, but we will be definitely be experiencing some tryptophan.

Which brings me to my video share for today. I do a lot of my web work very late, and night and well into the early hours of the morning. I have been struggling to find Christmas music that can deliver a proper balance of festive entertainment while still blending into the background and not being a distraction. A few nights ago I came across this video, entitled, "Ambient Instrumental Christmas Music with Winter Scenery." I found it so enjoyable as it played that I thought to myself, "I have to take at least one nap during the holidays with this playing in the background."

And now that I know I am responsible for eating half a turkey, I'm pretty confident I will be able to execute that plan to perfection.

You can watch the video by clicking here.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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X-Files Christmas

57 Elm Street Bethlehem, Pa.
11:51 p.m., December 24th.

"We're too late!  It's already been here."

"Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."

"Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care."

"You really think someone's been here?"

"Someone, or something."

"Mulder, over here--it's a fruitcake."

"Don't touch it!  Those things can be lethal."

"It's O.K.  There's a note attached: 'Gonna find out who's naughty and nice.'"

"It's judging them, Scully.  It's making a list."

"Who?  What are you talking about?"

"Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants.  Once a year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite."

"But that's legend, Mulder--a story told by parents to frighten children.  Surely you don't believe it?"

"Something was here tonight, Scully.  Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread man.  Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was alive--and in a hurry."

"It left crumbs everywhere.  And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been completely drained."

"It gorged itself, Scully.  It fed without remorse."

"But why would they leave it milk and cookies?"

"Appeasement.  Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding."

"But if this thing does exist, how did it get in?  The doors and windows were locked.  There's no sign of forced entry."

"Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace."

"Wait a minute, Mulder.  If you're saying some huge creature landed on the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy.  The flue is barely six inches wide.  Nothing could get down there."

"But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once?"

"You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?"

"Exactly.  Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home was visited.  I saw the creature.  It had long white shanks of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head.  Its bloated torso was red and white.  I'll never forget the horror.  I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father."

"Impossible."

"I know what I saw.  And that night it read my mind.  It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully.  It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head!"

"I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics.  You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys.  Listen to what you're saying.  Do you understand the repercussions?  If this gets out, they'll close the X-files."

"Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping.  It knows when you're awake."

"But we have no proof."

"Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states.  The White House ordered a condition Red."

"But that was a meteor shower."

"Officially.  Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C.  Nobody--not even the zookeeper--was told about it.  The government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle.  They fear that if this thing is proved to exist the public will stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy.  Retail markets will collapse.  Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives.  There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night."

"Mulder, I--"

"Sh-h-h.  Do you hear what I hear?"

"On the roof.  It sounds like ...  a clatter."

"The truth is up there.  Let's see what's the matter."

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One-Liner #1530

The first Christmas was pretty simple ... it's okay if yours is too.

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

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Streetcret Ingredient

The weatherman describes this as unseasonable weather.

Of course its unseasoned -- that's why the city maintenance crew put salt on it.

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Quote #1968

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love."

- Hamilton Wright Mabi

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Christmas Signs

Here are some signs seen around Christmas time.

Toy Store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."

Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."

At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."

A Texas jewelery store: "Diamond tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000."

A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."

In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything: A calendar to remind him when payments are due."

Bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Christmas Is More Than Jingle, Jingle

I have been trying lately to remember my first Christmas. I know my memory isn't perfect, but I thought maybe I could bring up some old memories of my first Christmas.

Unfortunately, I couldn't think of a thing about that first Christmas of mine. Of course, it might be that I was only five months old at the time. Still, I tried to remember some of those old Christmases in the past.

Down through the years, I have celebrated more Christmases than I want to let on. It's not that I'm old; I just haven't died yet.

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Last week I invited you to share other possible life challenges of being a hermaphroditic snail (to catch up on this saga you will have to read some previous Cybersalt News www.cybersalt.org/news/cybersalt-news) and two of you came out of your shells and sent something.

Stephen C. suggested, "Snails yell at themselves for looking at the snail next door."

David K. (sorry, David, use the initial of your last name really does not work, does it?) asked "Do snails argue with themselves about whether the inside of the shell needs redecorating or can it wait until next year?"

There you have it: this will probably be the end of my talking about snails. I don't want go too far and mollusk your senses!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! 

~ Pastor Tim

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London, England Christmas

Here we have the London, England version of the poem written by Aussie born Londoner Kim Van Wyck and forwarded to me by Terry Blakenship.

Twas the night before Christmas,
In England, you know,
the planned tube strike went ahead,
the streets full of snow.

Asleep in their terrace house,
were Charles and Jane,
Dreaming of Christmas dinner
And the weight they would gain.

Not stockings but polished shoes,
At the foot of their beds,
For this was Old Blighty,
What more need be said?

When all of a sudden,
From out the still night,
There came such a ruckus,
It gave Charles such a fright!

And he saw 'cross the Thames,
Like the shot from a gun,
A loaded up red double-decker bus,
Come on at a run.

The driver was shouting,
as he drove passed Big Ben,
"Tally Ho, 'Allo Guvna,
What's all this then?"

The driver, in a tux,
And a cummerbund bright red,
Had a matching top hat,
On the top of his head.

As he stepped from the bus,
He was really a sight,
Big fat and round,
His beard curly and white.

He burst into the house,
And the children awoke,
They were both so astonished,
That neither one spoke.

He filled up their polished shoes
With presents galore,
And neither could think
Of a single thing more.

Charles speaking, indirectly,
The way Brits do that's so silly,
Said "Rather sir, I must say, you do look remarkably similar to this chappie reported to be going around the place on nights such as these handing out presents willy nilly."

"Well, maybe I am he"
Said the fellow with a wink
And he smiled as he gave
His mysterious wink

Then he left in his bus,
pausing to say,
An old English rhyme,
passed down through his day:

"Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat.
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do.
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you."

Translation:

Old Blighty - London
Guvna - Governor (usually a policeman)

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One-Liner #1529

The time has come to rise above principles!

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

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Grammar Pants

Trousers: An unusual word.

Singular at the top; plural at the bottom.

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Quote #1967

"Nothing is inferior for being old, and nothing is valuable for being modern."

- John Piper

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Easier Life

If Only Life Were More Like a Computer

Think of it. . .

If you messed up a relationship, you could just press "CTRL, ALT, DELETE" and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, you'd simply click on "RUN"!

To get a little break from life, you'd click on "SUSPEND"; then, when you were ready, you'd press "any key" to get back on the merry-go-round.

To scare away moles, you'd turn up the sound blaster.

To add/remove someone in your life, you'd click "SETTINGS" and CONTROL PANEL.

To improve your appearance, you could just adjust the DISPLAY settings.

If life got too noisy, you'd turn off the speakers.

If you lost your car keys, you'd click on "FIND."

"HELP" with the chores would be just a single click away.

You'd never need car insurance you'd use your handy diskette to recover from a crash.

And all you'd need to do to get a pizza would be to click on "SEND NOW"!

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.