Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Grandma Cybersalt and I are off on another trip to a nation's capital - this time it's Canada's!

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this picture of our time with Abraham Lincoln Last week.

Enjoy the rest of today's digest!

~ Pastor Tim 

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Computer Support Woes

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

*Note the word 'former' in the above statement!!

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.", "Went away?"....  "They disappeared?"

"Hmm.  So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind.  Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.  Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.  Can you see that?"

......"Yes, I think so."

"Great!  Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

......"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are.  I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

......"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh.  Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

"Dark?

"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No?  Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power...  A power outage?  Aha!  Okay, we've got it licked now.  Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good!  Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.  Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really?  Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose.  What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

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One-Liner #1921

I just learned the professional way to say "I told you so":

"This was identified early on as a likely outcome."

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

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Yardstick Fiasco:📏😱

Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won't be making them any longer.

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Quote #2356

"Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry."

- Toby Mac #SpeakLife

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Everything I Learned From a Cow

1. Wake up in a happy mooo-d.

2. Don't cry over spilled milk.

3. When chewing your cud, remember: There's no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste!

4. The grass is green on the other side of the fence.

5. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on.

6. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth!

7. It's better to be seen and not herd.

8. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives.

9. Never take any bull from anybody.

10. Always let them know who's the bossy.

11. Stepping on cowpies brings good luck.

12. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement.

13. Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Susan Page writes . . . . 

Memories of a Father

- photo by Susan PageIt takes time to sift through our memories, and the process can be like peering into a murky mirror. There may be a distorted mixed bag of recollections in the form of words that were said and perhaps conversations that never happened.

The passage of time allows us to gain a new perspective, and when looking back, we may discover things we might have missed, and it’s like unravelling a tangled ball of yarn, which is a messy process. There are old black-and-white mental reflections that tumble through our memory banks like the jittery images found in ancient family movies.

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone!

I imagine that many of you, when flying, have taken pictures of your plane from inside of it. But how many of you have taken pictures of it from the outside when it is flying? Well, I have and the above picture is proof. Unfortunately, the reason I was able to do that from the outside is because it left without us!

Why our plane left without us is a long story, but let it suffice to say that we were rebooked for a flight in the next morning and after Grandma Cybersalt and I "slept" overnight in an airport terminal for the second time in less than a year, we did eventually get home from our trip. (BTW, that missed plane and a very busy last weekend, are the reason there were no mailings last week.)

Enjoy the rest of today's Digest. 

~ Pastor Tim 

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Distraught Senior

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

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One-Liner #1920

Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

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Double Trouble

Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs. It's because they are Inca hoots.

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Quote #2355

"If we could see what happens when we pray, we would never stop praying."

- Unknown

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How Many People it Took to Make You!

1)............1 YOU
2)............2 parents
3)............4 grandparents
4)............8 great grandparents
5)...........16 gg grandparents
6)...........32 ggg grandparents
7)...........64 gggg grandparents
8)..........128 ggggg grandparents
9)..........256 gggggg grandparents
10..........512 ggggggg grandparents
11).......1,024 gggggggg grandparents
12).......2,048 ggggggggg grandparents
13).......4,096 gggggggggg grandparents
14).......8,192 ggggggggggg grandparents
15)......16,184 gggggggggggg grandparents
16)......32,768 ggggggggggggg grandparents
17)......65,536 gggggggggggggg grandparents
18).....131,072 ggggggggggggggg grandparents
19).....262,144 gggggggggggggggg grandparents
20).....524,288 ggggggggggggggggg grandparents
21)...1,048,576 gggggggggggggggggg grandparents
22)...2,097,152 ggggggggggggggggggg grandparents

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Don’t Call Me Stupid, Just Whisper It

One thing that irritates me is people talking behind my back. I want to be part of the conversation because I know more about me than they do. Or at least I think I do

While in the mall recently, I passed two people, and I heard one say, "Doesn't he look stupid?"

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Grandma Cybersalt and I are continuing to travel and are grateful that continues to not include any travails.

Enjoy the rest of today's digest!

~ Pastor Tim 

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Foul Suspicion

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one.

A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock.

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One-Liner #1919

Sparkling water tastes like when your leg falls asleep.

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

---

Survey Results 😡

I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

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Quote #2354

"Most of us are three bad months away from being homeless. None of us are three good months away from being billionaires."

- Unknown

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Ancient Bookplate

Aincient Bookplate

Steale not this boke for fear of shame
For here you see ye owner hys name
And when you die ye Lord will saye
Where is that boke you stole away?
Then if you say, you cannot telle,
Ye Lord will saye, then go to helle.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

---

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone - and happy Resurrection Sunday: The Lord is Risen!

Today is also our youngest daughter's birthday: Happy birthday Esther Bunny!

On Friday we were blessed to be with my parents as they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. From the beginning and down through the years, my parents worked hard and persevered to give my sister and I a good life and to be in the position to give our children strong foundations for them to be building their families today.

As amazing a job that they did through their character and perseverance, we would never have become the family and individuals that we are today without Jesus, whom we placed our faith in many years ago.

As much as Jesus' death for our sins paid the price so we could be forgiven of them by trusting in His sacrifice alone (God's gift to us through faith in receiving it), Jesus' resurrection is a reminder that our faith in Him also raises us to new life in God. In Jesus, there is hope for the next life and also for today!

Enjoy the rest of today's Digest. 

~ Pastor Tim 

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The Resurrection?

When I was young, I often visited my grandmother in Kennett, Missouri. 

Every year Kennett high school joined with Carruthersville to put on a production of the resurrection.

A girl from Carruthersville was chosen to play the part of the angel at the tomb. 

It was time for her to say her part, "He is not here. He is risen." 

She was so nervous that she forgot her line, but rather said, in her best southeast Missouri accent, "Uh, He ain't here. He done gone." 

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One-Liner #1918

You can always make Easter easier by replacing the "t" with and "i."

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

---

Easter Groan

Hot cross pun, anyone?

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Quote #2353

"Of all the things that will surprise us in the resurrection morning, this, I believe, will surprise us most: that we did not love Christ more before we died."

- J.S. Ryle

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The Rich Family in Church

By Eddie Ogan

I'll never forget Easter 1946. I was 14, my little sister Lucy was 12,and my older sister Darlene 16. We lived at home with our mother, and the four of us knew what it was to do without many things. My dad had died five years before, leaving Mom with seven school kids to raise and no money.

By 1946 my older sisters were married and my brothers had left home. A month before Easter the pastor of our church announced that a special Easter offering would be taken to help a poor family. He asked everyone to save and give sacrificially.

When we got home, we talked about what we could do. We decided to buy 50 pounds of potatoes and live on them for a month. This would allow us to save $20 of our grocery money for the offering. When we thought that if we kept our electric lights turned out as much as possible and didn't listen to the radio, we'd save money on that month's electric bill. Darlene got as many house and yard cleaning jobs as possible, and both of us babysat for everyone we could. For 15 cents we could buy enough cotton loops to make three pot holders to sell for $1.

We made $20 on pot holders. That month was one of the best of our lives.

Every day we counted the money to see how much we had saved. At night we'd sit in the dark and talk about how the poor family was going to enjoy having the money the church would give them. We had about 80 people in church, so figured that whatever amount of money we had to give, the offering would surely be 20 times that much. After all, every Sunday the pastor had reminded everyone to save for the sacrificial offering.

The day before Easter, Lucy and I walked to the grocery store and got the manager to give us three crisp $20 bills and one $10 bill for all our change.

We ran all the way home to show Mom and Darlene. We had never had so much money before.

That night we were so excited we could hardly sleep. We didn't care that we wouldn't have new clothes for Easter; we had $70 for the sacrificial offering.

We could hardly wait to get to church! On Sunday morning, rain was pouring. We didn't own an umbrella, and the church was over a mile from our home, but it didn't seem to matter how wet we got. Darlene had cardboard in her shoes to fill the holes. The cardboard came apart, and her feet got wet.

But we sat in church proudly. I heard some teenagers talking about the Smith girls having on their old dresses. I looked at them in their new clothes, and I felt rich.

When the sacrificial offering was taken, we were sitting on the second row from the front. Mom put in the $10 bill, and each of us kids put in a $20.

As we walked home after church, we sang all the way. At lunch Mom had a surprise for us. She had bought a dozen eggs, and we had boiled Easter eggs with our fried potatoes! Late that afternoon the minister drove up in his car. Mom went to the door, talked with him for a moment, and then came back with an envelope in her hand. We asked what it was, but she didn't say a word. She opened the envelope and out fell a bunch of money. There were three crisp $20 bills, one $10 and seventeen $1 bills.

Mom put the money back in the envelope. We didn't talk, just sat and stared at the floor. We had gone from feeling like millionaires to feeling like poor white trash. We kids had such a happy life that we felt sorry for anyone who didn't have our Mom and Dad for parents and a house full of brothers and sisters and other kids visiting constantly. We thought it was fun to share silverware and see whether we got the spoon or the fork that night.

We had two knives that we passed around to whoever needed them. I knew we didn't have a lot of things that other people had, but I'd never thought we were poor.

That Easter day I found out we were. The minister had brought us the money for the poor family, so we must be poor. I didn't like being poor. I looked at my dress and worn-out shoes and felt so ashamed--I didn't even want to go back to church. Everyone there probably already knew we were poor!

I thought about school. I was in the ninth grade and at the top of my class of over 100 students. I wondered if the kids at school knew that we were poor. I decided that I could quit school since I had finished the eighth grade. That was all the law required at that time. We sat in silence for a long time. Then it got dark, and we went to bed. All that week, we girls went to school and came home, and no one talked much. Finally on Saturday, Mom asked us what we wanted to do with the money. What did poor people do with money? We didn't know. We'd never known we were poor. We didn't want to go to church on Sunday, but Mom said we had to. Although it was a sunny day, we didn't talk on the way.

Mom started to sing, but no one joined in and she only sang one verse. At church we had a missionary speaker. He talked about how churches in Africa made buildings out of sun dried bricks, but they needed money to buy roofs. He said $100 would put a roof on a church. The minister said, "Can't we all sacrifice to help these poor people?" We looked at each other and smiled for the first time in a week.

Mom reached into her purse and pulled out the envelope. She passed it to Darlene. Darlene gave it to me, and I handed it to Lucy. Lucy put it in the offering.

When the offering was counted, the minister announced that it was a little over $100. The missionary was excited. He hadn't expected such a large offering from our small church. He said, "You must have some rich people in this church."

Suddenly it struck us! We had given $87 of that "little over $100."

We were the rich family in the church! Hadn't the missionary said so? From that day on I've never been poor again. I've always remembered how rich I am because I have Jesus!

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

I Thought She Said “Doughnut”

As hard as I try, and believe me, I try, I don’t always hear correctly, especially regarding The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. I don’t always hear every word she says.

I know God gave me two ears and only one mouth, but I must confess I use my mouth a lot more than I use my ears, which has created problems.

Read more

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.