Cybersalt Digest Archive


Issue #3830

Cybersalt News

There is only one newly updated funny picture page on the Cybersalt site today.  You will find "CD Warrior" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/cd-warrior

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Tough Teacher

class roomA school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0808

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

Here is today's CleanPun

Synthetic Diamond

diamond ringAn Irishman by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future husband and protested vehemently about his cheapness.

"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1260

"Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use."
- Charles Schulz

Here is today's Illustration

Encouragement and Communication

I've been talking about you a lot with the Lord,
There was so much I wanted to say,
I told Him how thankful and helpful you are,
how I treasure you more every day.

I tried to describe how just having you there
can make things more special and fun.
I said how loyal you are to your friends,
and I thanked him for making me one.

And I told him how much I keep learning from you,
how your faith is inspiring to see.
Then I asked Him if He'd let you know how I feel,
and He said you should hear it from me.

- Unknown

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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 Issue #3829

Cybersalt News

There are 5 more funny car pictures updated on the Cybersalt site today. To view them all just head to "Ford Pickup Bumper" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/ford-pickup-bumper

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Servicemen Foot Race

cooking with gasTwo gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.

They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I saw two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0807

"Just tell me what you need, and I'll see to it that something ought to be done!"

Here is today's CleanPun

Clean Pun #0032

“If space is a vacuum, who changes the bag?”

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1259

"Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself."
- JohnDewey

Here is today's Illustration

Coffee Cake

coffee cakeA former roommate baked a coffee cake and asked me to sample it.

It was pretty tasty but I asked her what the small crunchy things were in the cake. She said the recipe called for 2 cups of strong coffee.

You guessed it. She put two cups of pure coffee in - not perked coffee!!! Quite a buzzzzzzzz from that cake.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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 Issue #3828

Cybersalt News

In December, I took a break of pace in moving pages from the old Cybersalt site to the new one.  Some of you have noticed that the links in the "Latest Funny Pictures" module (in the right hand column of the color version) has not really changed for a while.  With January comes a renewed desire to polish off that task.  So, today you will see links to 5 newly updated pages - the first of which is "Road Conditions" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/road-conditions 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Prayer Postions

telephone poleThree preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.

"No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer.

"Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0806

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Here is today's CleanPun

Haven't Slept

"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
- Mitch Hedberg

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1258

"Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep."
- Carl Sandburg

Here is today's Illustration

Choosing Sides

skyAt a White House dinner, a churchman offered a benediction and closed with the pious affirmation: "The Lord is on our side."

When President Lincoln did not respond to this sentiment, someone asked him, "Don't you believe, Mr. President, that the Lord is always on the side of the right?"

"I am not concerned about that," was Lincoln's answer, "for we know that the Lord is always on the side of the right. My concern is that I and this nation should be on the Lord's side."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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 Issue #3826

Cybersalt News

Happy New Year everybody!

There is a new devotional from Rev. James Snyder on the Cybersalt site today.  You'll find, "Here We Go Again; The art of Redundancy" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/here-we-go-again-the-art-of-redundancy 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Newlywed Compromise

new years_eve_white_hatFor our first New Year's together as a married couple, my wife offered me a choice of pumpkin pie, cheesecake or orange-date cake.

"Pumpkin pie," I requested.

"We've been eating pumpkin pie since Thanksgiving," Nancy protested. "Can't you choose something else?"

"Okay," I replied, "how about cheesecake?"

Making a face, Nancy said, "After all that rich food you ate over Christmas, surely you don't want cheesecake."

Recognizing my limited options, I then selected orange-date cake.

"Oh, I'm glad you chose that one," Nancy said. "Orange-date cake is a New Year's tradition in our family."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0804

"Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since."
- Dave Beard

Here is today's CleanPun

New Year's Resolution Definition

"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other."

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1256

"We will open the book.  Its pages are blank.  We are going to put words on them ourselves.  The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day."
- Edith Lovejoy Pierce

Here is today's Illustration

The First Day of January

"Every man should be born again on the first day of January.  Start with a fresh page.  Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past."
- Henry Ward Beecher

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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 Issue #3827

Here is today's CleanLaugh

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Here is today's One-liner

Here is today's CleanPun

Here is today's CleanQuote

Here is today's Illustration

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3825 - December 31, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3824 - December 30, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3823 - December 24, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3822 - December 23, 2011

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