You've Been in Corporate America Too Long When…
 You've Been in Corporate America Too Long When...
1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.
2. You decide to re-organize your family into a "team-based organization."
3. You refer to dating as test marketing.
4. You can spell "paradigm."
5. You actually know what a paradigm is.
6. You understand your airline's fare structure.
7. You write executive summaries on your love letters. 8. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
9. You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten-page presentation with six other people you don't know.
10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."
12. You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
13. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."
14. You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this off-line."
15. You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering," "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people."
16. You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
17. You refer to your spouse as "my Co-CEO."
18. You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
19. You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.
20. You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.
21. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
22. You use the term "value-added" without falling down laughing.
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Things Not To Say To On Date
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
A couple of goobers in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.
The following, allegedly, are actual post-interview excerpts collected from middle managers who, needless to say, probably did not hire any of the people mentioned here:
She came tonight as I sat alone..