Cybersalt Digest Archive


Issue #3790

Cybersalt News

Gladys (Cline) PriestToday's Cybersalt mailings have a special "prairie" theme in honor of my mother-in-law, Gladys Priest, who passed away peacefully on Saturday.

Gladys was born in Saskatchewan.  Even after living over half her life in the mountainous Alberni Valley of British Columbia's West coast, Gladys never lost her love of the prairie, nor her ability to find someone in any crowd who was from Saskatchewan.

To kick our theme off, today's featured funny picture on the Cybersalt site has a car with Saskatchewan license plates. You'll find "Car Advantage" at:

http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/lumber-spoiler

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Lost In Canada

An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost on the prairie. After what seemed like forever, they finally came to a city.

When they saw a gentleman on the sidewalk they pulled up to the curb and the lady wound down her window and asked: "Excuse me, sir.  Where are we?"

The gentleman replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."

The woman rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said,

"We really are lost.  They don't even speak English here!"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0765

"Farming looks easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from a cornfield."
- Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower

Here is today's CleanPun

Blogging Farmers

A lot of farmers have been starting online blogs and writing about their wheat.

They're cropping up everywhere.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1219

"One could drive a prairie schooner through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact."
- David F. Houston

Here is today's Illustration

Prairie Fire

Some people try to punish themselves for their sins. They do not stand on the promises of forgiveness and Christ's propitiation.

"Many years ago, a father and his daughter were walking through the grass on the Canadian prairie. In the distance, they saw a prairie fire, and they realized that it would soon engulf them.

The father knew there was only one way of escape: They would quickly begin a fire right where they were and burn a large patch of grass. When the huge fire drew near, they then would stand on the section that had already burned.

When the flames did approach them, the girl was terrified but her father assured her, 'The flames can't get to us. We are standing where the fire has already been.'"

- Erwin Lutzer, Failure, The Back Door to Success.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

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 Issue #3789

Cybersalt News

I've added some new bookmarking buttons on the Cybersalt site to make it easier to share pages with your friends and followers.  I'd especially appreciate it if you would give Cybersalt pages a "Thumbs Up" on StumbleUpon.

I'm not sure if the newest entry in the FunBlog is performance art or simple insanity.  You decide for yourself when you check out "How to Confuse Animals" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/how-to-confuse-animals

Also, there are 5 updated funny car pictures on the new Cybersalt site.  The first one is "Volkswagen Bug Rug" and clicking "next" on each page will help you find them all.
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/volkswagen-bug-rug

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Flight Delay Announcement

A passenger on a Southwest flight says that he once faced a flight delay just before they boarded.

A flight attendant picked up the microphone and announced:

"We're sorry for the delay. The machine that normally rips the handles off your luggage is broken, so we're having to do it by hand. We should be finished and on our way shortly."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0762

"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
- Steven Wright

Here is today's CleanPun

Music Stores

"Some music stores are in a CD part of town."

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1215

"What happens in church should NOT stay in church!! Tell the world about JESUS!"
- @HisBride66

Here is today's Illustration

Good Cooks

When my son was 11 years old, he got a small job helping out with a traveling carnival while it was in our town.

He didn't come home at lunch time, phoning instead to tell me he was fine and had found a few days work helping out at an exhibit. He turned up for supper as usual however after he finished work.

I asked him how he had managed at lunch and he told me he had made some new friends at the carnival, some young men who were twin brothers, and their mom and dad. They had paid him a few dollars and invited him for lunch in return for helping them set up their exhibit and wanted him to return the next day to help with other chores.

I was glad he had found new friends but a little apprehensive about the type of people that might be traveling in a carnival.

"Oh Mom, these are just normal everyday people like anyone else. They just work at a carnival instead of in a store or something. Come down tomorrow and meet them yourself," he said.

So the next day I went to the carnival and to the exhibit he had directed me to. The twin brothers turned out to be Siamese twins, joined at the chest. He hadn't thought this fact was noteworthy enough to mention.

When I talked about it later to him he said, "Yes, I noticed that too. Do you know that their mom has to make all their clothes because it's so difficult to find anything to fit them? They're also really good cooks. Today, Joe, the one on the right, made me spaghetti for lunch."

What others see first in a person (or persons) is not what a child considers important. Where I saw Siamese twins, he saw people having difficulty buying clothes that fit, and young men who were good cooks.

It was a lesson I have thought about many times over the years.
- Charlotte Mansfield

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

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 Issue #3788

Cybersalt News

This being Remembrance Day / Veterans Day, I invite you to revisit the wonderful video "Pittence of Time" at:
www.cybersalt.org/totally-tim/remembrance-day-veterans-day

Otherwise, there is only one updated page on the Cybersalt site today.  You will find "Car Shark" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/car-shark

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Three-Sixty 727

The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).

The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know It costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?

Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0761

"Some parents have a hard time deciding on a name for the new baby, but others have rich relatives."
- Don McElroy

Here is today's CleanPun

Hitch Hiking Tax

The government has announced it is going to start taxing hitch hiking.

On your next annual return you will notice this on the "Thumb Tax" line.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1214

"Gentle words fall lightly, but have great weight."

Here is today's Illustration

Love vs. Obligation

A house is a house is a house-until love comes through the door, that is. And love intuitively goes around sprinkling that special extra that transforms a house into a very special home for very special people: your family.

Money, of course, can build a charming house, but only love can furnish it with a feeling of home.

Duty can pack an adequate sack lunch, but love may decide to tuck a little love note inside.

Money can provide a television set, but love controls it and cares enough to say no and take the guff that comes with it.

Obligation sends the children to bed on time, but love tucks the covers in around their necks and passes out kisses and hugs (even to teenagers!).

Obligation can cook a meal, but love embellishes the table with a potted ivy trailing around slender candles.

Duty writes many letters, but love tucks a joke or a picture or a fresh stick of gum inside.

Compulsion keeps a sparkling house. But love and prayer stand a better chance of producing a happy family.

Duty gets offended quickly if it isn't appreciated. But love learns to laugh a lot and to work for the sheer joy of doing it.

Obligation can pour a glass of milk, but quite often love will add a little chocolate.
- Author Unknown

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

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 Issue #3787

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Today there are 18 funny sign pictures updated to the new Cybersalt site.  Start at "Wider Streets Protest" and keep clicking next to see them all.
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/wider-streets-protest

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Indiana Rainstorm

After a hardy Indiana rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the yard in a panic.

"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she said as she shook the older boy in anger.

"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.

"I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole-he-goes."

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One-liner #0760

"While people may not be a great deal wiser after my sermon, but they are always a great deal older."
- W R Inge

Here is today's CleanPun

Napoleon Chess

Napoleon placed a chess piece back on the board that had already been captured.

Everyone knows that you can't use expired coup pawns.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1213

"If I could see further than others, it was because I stood on the shoulders of giants."
- Isaac Newton

Here is today's Illustration

She Doesn't Know Me

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

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 Issue #3786

Cybersalt News

Work on updating the new Cybersalt site is charging along like a herd of turtles - but there are milestones along the way.  For instance, I just transferred over the last 7 or 8 funny bicycle pictures.  To see them all go to "Bike Foot Patrol" and keep clicking next until there's not a bike in the picture.
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/bike-foot-patrol

Today's new entry in the FunBlog is a video that reminds us that boomerangs don't kill people - boomerang snipers kill people.
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/boomerang-sniper-trick-shots

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Coffee Delivery

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full.

The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

"Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0759

"Music hath charms to soothe a savage beast, but I'd rather have a gun."
- Josh Billings

Here is today's CleanPun

Too Big Politicians

"Politicians who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end."

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1212

"Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is."

Here is today's Illustration

Cactus Watering

During a tour at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, a New York City woman mentioned that she was raising a type of cactus in a pot on her apartment balcony.

Another tourist asked her how she kept from watering it too much, because the cactus would die if over watered.

"I subscribe to the Tucson newspaper," replied the New Yorker. "Every time I read that it rained in the desert, I give my plant some water."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

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  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3785 - November 8, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3783 - November 6, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3784 - November 6, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3782 - November 5, 2011

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