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Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3775 - October 26, 2011


Issue #3775


Cybersalt News

There is a new entry in the FunBlog today - a great funny dog video of a doberman who loves his pool slide.  You'll find "Sliding Doberman" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/sliding-doberman

There are also about 20 more funny picture pages moved over to the new Cybersalt site.  To view them all you need to view the most recent page in each category stream and keep hitting next.

Funny Pictures - www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/easter-island-mystery

Funny Car Pictures - www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/house-and-car-decorating

Funny Dog Pictures - www.cybersalt.org/funny-dog-pictures/dog-coaster

Funny Signs - www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/rush-hour-sign

BTW, if you vote for pages through www.stumbleupon.com, all "thumbs up" for pages on the Cybersalt site are gladly appreciated.  In fact, I've got news about that coming up in the near future!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Nervous Young Minister

A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'"

A member of the flock raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that."

The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly: "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes."

Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?"

The member of the flock said, "I sure could."

"How would you do it?"

"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"

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Latest Funny Pictures

  • Rush Hour

  • Idaho Pot For Sale

  • Road to Houghton

  • Union Bargaining Sign

  • Easter Island Mystery


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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0748

"Debit card goes in, cash comes out. YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT."


Here is today's CleanPun

Geometry Homework

"Son, I've asked you before NOT to do your geometry homework at the dinner table!"

"But why, Ma?" I asked. "What is wrong with that?"

"Look," she said, "the proof is in the pudding."

 


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1201

"As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air - however slight - lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness."
- Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas


Here is today's Illustration

A Guy in School

"A Guy in School"

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books. 

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.

Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3774 - October 25, 2011


Issue #3774


Cybersalt News

Today was a pretty productive day working on the new Cybersalt site.

First of all, I transferred over a couple of the old video pages to the FunBlog. To see these, check out the following three links for four great videos!
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/man-vs-bear-for-salmon
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/alien-song
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/caution-when-mopping

Secondly, I moved about 25 or so Funny Picture pages over to the new site as well.  To see them all this time, start at "Polar Bear Fridge" and then keep clicking the next button until you have that "Hey, I've seen this picture before feeling."
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/polar-bear-fridge

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Norma Findlay in Room 302

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Michael's Hospital. She timidly asked, Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone, "Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me anything!"

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Latest Funny Pictures

  • Polar Bear Fridge

  • Little Patriot Costume

  • Cooking Plus TV

  • Useless Invention #8

  • Useless Invention #5


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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0747

"While watching a marathon I saw one runner dressed as a chicken & another dressed as an egg . . . this could be interesting.:


Here is today's CleanPun

Computer Synchronization

As a highly skilled computer technician, Joe was hired to synchronize the communication between the microchips in the various computers in a local network.

His new boss had left him instructions on a series of post-it notes. The slips of paper were so numerous and jumbled that they were confusing to Joe and his colleagues.

Finally, Joe decided to ignore his boss' instructions. He simply discarded the notes and successfully completed the task on his own.

Upon his return, Joe's boss asked him to describe the strategy that resulted in his success.

"That's easy," replied Joe. "Lose slips, sync chips!"


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1200

"I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them."


Here is today's Illustration

It's in the Valleys We Grow

"It's in the Valleys We Grow"

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then we have to remember
That it's in the valleys we grow.

If we always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
We would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

We have so much to learn
And our growth is very slow,
Sometimes we need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys we grow.

We do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

The little valleys are nothing
When we picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for the valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!

- Unknown


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3772 - October 23, 2011


Issue #3772


Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

There is a new devotional from Rev. James Snyder on the Cybersalt site.  He's been working hard at loafing around, but his wife has a different view on what he should be working at.  You'll find "Cultivating the Fine Art of Casual Loafing" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/cultivating-the-fine-art-of-casual-loafing

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Keyboard Jockey Exercise

For those keyboard jockeys (those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day) that don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week works well.

Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it.

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Latest Funny Pictures

  • Elephant Out of Africa

  • Sleeping Deer Hunter

  • Puking Pumpkin

  • School Bus Dragster

  • Assume Nothing Cemetery


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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0745

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me all like, "Whoa! That was close!"


Here is today's CleanPun

Marriage Names

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Bo Derek married Don Ho. She'd be Bo Ho.

If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to many Elton John, she'd be 0livia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Tress Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1198

"Pick your friends, but not to pieces."


Here is today's Illustration

Message From A Mom To Her Child

Message From A Mom To Her Child:

I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.

I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.

I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.

I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you beautiful inside.

I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.

I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.

I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.

I can advise you about friends, but cannot choose them for you.

I can advise you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.

I can tell you about alcohol & drugs, but I cannot say "no" for you.

I can tell you about lofty goals, but I cannot achieve them for you.

I can teach you about kindness, but I cannot force you to be gracious.

I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.

I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.

I can love you with unconditional love all of my life....and I will.

- Author Unknown


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3773 - October 23, 2011


Issue #3773



Here is today's CleanLaugh

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Latest Funny Pictures


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Here is today's One-liner


Here is today's CleanPun


Here is today's CleanQuote


Here is today's Illustration


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3771 - October 22, 2011


Issue #3771


Cybersalt News

Today's latest entry in the FunBlog is "Russian Road Surprise" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/russian-road-surprise

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

New Employee Orientation

Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a high-tech company. During the welcoming ceremony, the boss says, "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So don't trouble any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later, the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you; however, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing janitor. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the janitor?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!"

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Latest Funny Pictures

  • Baby in Hamburger Costume

  • Useless Invention #6

  • Zebra In Love

  • Oil Change without a Jack

  • Date Me Sandwich Board


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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0744

"If the professor on Gilligan's Island could make a radio out of coconut, why couldn't he fix a hole in a boat?"


Here is today's CleanPun

New Clinic

Two chiropractors have formed a partnership to open a new clinic.

It's a joint venture.
(Ron Arends)

 


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1197

"A warped sense of humor is vastly better than no sense of humor."


Here is today's Illustration

This Is Good

The story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"

One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.

About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.

As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."

"No," his friend replied, "This is good!"

"What do you mean, 'This is good'? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"

"If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you."

Situations may not always seem pleasant while we are in them, but the promise of God is clear. If we love Him and live our lives according to His precepts, even that which seems to be bleak and hopeless will be turned by God for His glory and our benefit.

Hold on, God is faithful!


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

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  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3770 - October 21, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3769 - October 20, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3768 - October 19, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3767 - October 18, 2011

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