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The Cybersalt Digest

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Some hobbies go together and others don't. Bert's two hobbies were not a good fit for his team.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/garden-bowling

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Dextrocardia Question"

I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram. While the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have dextrocardia.

"What's that?" she asked.

"It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than on the left," I answered. "You should set up your machine to accommodate that."

As she attached the wires, she asked casually, "Tell me, have you had that for long?"

Today's CleanPun - "Excavating Burial Ground"

Two women archeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum. Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed.

One of the women says, "We don't seem to be having much luck here, are we?"

The other replies, "Just keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

Today's One Liner

"The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast."

Today's CleanQuote

"Bad thoughts are like germs. Build up your immunity!"

Today's Illustration - "Does Prayer Change Things?"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

They say that prayer changes things, but does it REALLY change anything?
Oh yes! It really does!

Does prayer change your present situation or sudden circumstances?
No, not always, but it does change the way you look at those events.

Does prayer change your financial future?
No, not always, but it does change who you look to for meeting your daily needs.

Does prayer change shattered hearts or broken bodies?
No, not always, but it will change your source of strength and comfort.

Does prayer change your wants and desires?
No, not always, but it will change your wants into what God desires!

Does prayer change how you view the world?
No, not always, but it will change whose eyes you see the world through.

Does prayer change your regrets from the past?
No, not always, but it will change your hopes for the future!

Does prayer change the people around you?
No, not always, but it will change you - the problem isn't always in others.

Does prayer change your life in ways you can't explain?
Oh, yes, always! And it will change you from the inside out!

So does prayer REALLY change ANYTHING?
Yes! It REALLY does change EVERYTHING!

- Teressa Vowell

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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As has been the tradition since the beginning of Cybersalt's first newsletter, Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh List 12 and half years ago, our regular mailings pause today in observance of Good Friday - the day when many Christians around the world make a special effort to remember the crucifixion of Jesus for our sins.

Jesus' death on the cross is the cornerstone of every good work of transformation God has done and is doing in my life. Through the forgiveness Jesus purchased by his sacrifice, I have experienced and am experiencing the working of God in my life in the form of emotional healing from the hurts and difficulties of general life and the conviction and correction of ongoing sinfulness in my own life.

Speaking of my life in this way causes many people to respond with a "harumph." Many think it takes a special person to be a pastor - a person who is all ethereal, gifted in certain ways, and who possesses some innate spiritual mojo that pulls extra weight in the heavenly realms.

However, the reality is that our relationship with Jesus does not depend on what we bring to the table but rather what He offers us through the cross. Forgiveness from our sins and eternity in Heaven is ours if we'll just trust in Him alone to break down the wall that sin built between us and God.

That's why the day Jesus was crucified can be seen as "good", why its anniversary should receive special observance and why Jesus deserves our devotion all year round.

- Pastor Tim

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday.

Some of you may be wondering what my parents look like. Wonder no more!
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/pastor-tims-parents

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "A Few Fishing Definitions"

HOOK - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement used to lure a fisherman to spend his life's savings on fishing supplies. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after she learns what he spent their life's savings on. (Usually accompanied by word "right" or "left.")

LINE - Something you give your coworkers when they ask how your fishing trip went.

LURE - An object that dangles from the end of your fishing line and is supposed to encourage fish to bite it. It is the fisherman's equivalent of sports cards, comic books, buttons, lint, and other things you collect that generally have no purpose.

REEL - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.

ROD - An attractively-painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.

TACKLE - What your last catch did to you right after you brought him into the boat and right before he jumped back overboard.

TACKLE BOX - A box shaped alarmingly like a good first aid kit, only a tackle box carries an extremely large number of sharp objects, so that when you reach in blindly to grab an adhesive bandage, you soon find that you will need more than one.

TEST - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity when trying to come up with yet another explanation for why you have come home once again empty-handed.

Today's CleanPun

How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in the group?
Answer: Just look for the grey hares.

Today's One Liner

"Ideas are great provided they don't degenerate into work."

Today's CleanQuote

"A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt."

Today's Illustration - "The Deeds Undone"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

It isn't the thing you do, friend, it's the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you the bitter heartache, at the setting of the sun:
The tender words unspoken, the letter you did not write,
The flowers you might have sent, are your haunting ghosts at night.

The stone you might have lifted, out of a dear friend's way,
The bit of heart-some counsel you were hurried too much to say:
The loving touch of a helping hand, the gentle and winsome tone,
That you had no time or thought for, with troubles enough of your own.

These little acts of kindness, so easily out of mind,
These chances to be angels, which even mortals find.
They come in night and silence, each chill reproachful wraith,
When hope is faint and flagging, and a blight has dropped on faith.

For life is all too short, friend, and sorrow is all to great,
To suffer our slow compassion, that tarries until too late.
So, it's not the things you do, it's the deeds you leave undone,
Which gives you a bitter heartache, at the setting of the sun.
- Bertha A. Lawson

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

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Today's news is pretty eclectic so let's get right to it.

Happy 19th birthday Esther Bunny! In 365 days Mrs. Cybersalt and I won't have any teenagers left in the house - wow!

There is a new page on the Cybersalt site today. You will find "Mellow Yellow Bird" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/mellow-yellow-bird

A friend of mine, Rob Turner, finds some pretty interesting things from time to time and posts them on his site. He showed me some pretty funny Apple humor the other day and I thought you might enjoy it. Why not head on over to his site and check out:
http://www.robertjturner.com/future-apple-predictions/

On Sundays I usually update you on my messages that have been uploaded to the Westside Bible Church web site. However, I doubt many will be interested in a Palm Sunday message on Easter Sunday, so I'll update you now. You can listen to "Cries at the Parade" at:
http://www.westsidefamily.org/cries-at-the-parade

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Important Political Decisions"

As a recent high-school graduate, I traveled to our state capitol and got to visit the house floor.

I stood there, thinking how difficult it must be for the people in that room to wrestle with important decisions that affect so many citizens.

It was then that I spied, sitting on one representative's desk, a Magic 8-Ball.

Today's CleanPun

"Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round; cornbread R square!"

Today's One Liner

"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen."

Today's CleanQuote

"Forgiveness: The only time you should ever have a chip on your shoulder is when you tried to dump the entire bag into your mouth."

Today's Illustration - "Teacher Parents"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life. One morning as our eight-year-old Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room to be sure she had tidied it up.

"You call THAT a made bed?" I asked.

No Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

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It is rumored that I was late for church on Sunday:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/late-for-church

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Youngest in School"

A friend of mine has three boys, the youngest of whom, Gregory, had just started school.

A teacher commented to Gregory that she couldn't believe he was already in first grade and asked what his mother did all day now that the three boys were in school.

"Cartwheels," Gregory answered.

You can rate this joke at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/clean-jokes/youngest-in-school

Today's CleanPun

"Joseph Stalin's grave is a Communist plot."

Today's One Liner

"I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top."

Today's CleanQuote

"Just because I'm wandering, doesn't mean I'm lost."

Today's Illustration - "Public Decency"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a group of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his property.

As soon as they were out of sight, he picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back inside and relocked their car.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3625 - April 18, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3624 - April 17, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3623 - April 16, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3622 - April 15, 2011

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