Cybersalt Digest Archive

Cybersalt News

I'm not saying that men don't do housework, but if they did it would look like this.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/if-men-did-housework

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "The Law of Parenthood"

There is the Law of Gravity - and then, there is the Law of Parenthood

- A child's behavior will improve in proportion to the distance she is away from the parent.

- Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of tantrum lasts 20 times as long as two minutes of quiet time.

- The choice of a preschooler's best friend corresponds directly to the distance the friend lives from your house.

- A child's enjoyment of a popular entertainment will be inversely proportionate to the parent's enjoyment.

- The chance of a surprise visit by your parents-in-law is directly proportional to the size of the mess in your home.

- A child will always eat exactly what she has loved for the past year unless it is the only food in the fridge.

- The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to embarrass a sailor.

Today's CleanPun

Baseball umpires want salary hikes.
The response from the owners is, "Yikes!
Can't afford increased pay."
So the union does say,
"Then our recourse is calling more strikes."
~ Kirk Miller

Today's One Liner

"I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted"

Today's CleanQuote

"No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store."

Today's Illustration - "Patient Confession"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Farmer Josh killed a pig and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone. He didn't tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months.

Then another farmer, who lived down the road, came by and said, "By the way Josh, did you ever find out who stole your pig?"

"Nope," said Josh. "Not until just now."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Cybersalt News

I don't know if this was my eldest daughter's first coffee, but it sure looks like it!
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/first-cup-of-coffee

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Makeup Routine"

Every morning, a little girl would go in the bathroom to watch Mommy as she was putting on her makeup to go to work.

But this certain morning when Mom turned to leave the bathroom, the little girl loudly said, "Mom, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper goodbye!"

Today's CleanPun

Maury and his wife showed up to a very popular restaurant, but it was very crowded. Mrs. Maury went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?"

The hostess appeared to ignore her and kept writing in her book. So she asked again, "How much of a wait?"

The hostess then looked up and said, "About ten minutes."

A short time later they heard an announcement over the loudspeaker, "Willete B. Long, your table is ready."

Today's One Liner

"Don't you hate it when people can't sphel? "

Today's CleanQuote

"A church member waiting to be asked to serve in his own church is just like the member of a family waiting to be invited to pull weeds in front of the house where he lives."

Today's Illustration - "Don't Need Grace"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Little Dewey and his family were having Sunday dinner at his grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Dewey received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Dewey! Please wait until we say our prayer," said his mother.

"I don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do." his mother insisted through gritted teeth. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Dewey explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Cybersalt News

If you've got a parade, someone will rain on it.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/no-ball-games

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "New Friend Sincerity"

Last summer my wife and I met a couple at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to go shopping, and I invited the man to go sailing. While we were out on the water, a storm blew up. The tide had gone out, and we were down wind trying to work our way back through a narrow channel. At one point the boat grounded and we had to climb overboard and shove with all our might to get it back in deeper water.

As my new friend stood there, ankle deep in muck, the wind blowing his hair wildly, rain streaming down his face, he grinned at me, and with unmistakable sincerity said, "Sure beats shopping."

Today's CleanPun

The union workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!

Today's One Liner

The first line of the notice said, "Please Take Notice," so I took it.

Today's CleanQuote

What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?

Today's Illustration - "Walk a Little Plainer Daddy"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Walk a little plainer daddy
Said a little boy so frail,
I'm following your footsteps and
I don't want to fail.
Sometimes your steps are plain
Sometimes they are hard to see,
So walk a little plainer Daddy.
For you are leading me."

I know that once you walked
This way many years ago,
What you did along the way
I'd really like to know
For sometimes when I'm tempted
I don't know what to do
So walk a little plainer, Daddy,
For I must follow you.

Someday when I'm grown up.
You are like I want to be,
Then I will have a little boy
Who will want to follow me
And I want to lead him right.
And help him to be true
So walk a little plainer, Daddy
For we must follow you.
~Author Unknown

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Cybersalt News

There is a new Your Turn to Be Funny on the Cybersalt Site today. Have a look and submit your funny caption. You can even vote on captions already submitted.
http://www.cybersalt.org/your-turn-to-be-funny/current-your-turn-to-be-funny

If you you don't want or feel like being funny yourself, sit back and enjoy "Roller Coaster Test" and "Military Complaining" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/roller-coaster-test
and
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/military-complaining

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Overdue at the Movies"

Tired from waiting for their overdue baby, my daughter and her husband broke the monotony one night with a trip to the movies. My daughter went inside to get seats while my son-in-law bought popcorn and drinks in the lobby.

Paying for the refreshments, my son-in-law knocked over his soda. The clerk mopped up the mess and refilled his cup. Rattled, he then joined his wife. Talking over the background music, he dramatically described his embarrassing episode. One of his expressive gestures upset the bucket of popcorn. He sheepishly headed back to the lobby.

When he was out of earshot, the woman sitting next to my daughter turned and said, "You're not going to let him hold the baby, are you?"

Today's CleanPun

My niece told all her little friends with pride that she had seen a man-eating shark at the aquarium, to which one of them replied, "That's nothing! I saw a man eating shrimp at Long John Silver's."
~Charles Wukasch

Today's One Liner

"My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine."

Today's CleanQuote

"When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience."

Today's Illustration - "SIDNK"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

During the Air Force Academy's basic cadet training, the new cadets, known as doolies, go through a ten-day encampment outdoors. Prior to being served in the chow tent, they are required to do pullups and then get in line to answer questions about the academy. If they answer correctly, they are allowed to proceed inside. If not, they are sent to the back of the line.

One doolie had been sent back a number of times because he didn't reel off the answers. When the poor cadet came up again, a sympathetic upperclassman asked him, "What does the abbreviation S. I. D. N. K. stand for?"

The doolie bowed his head and replied, "Sir, I do not know."

"Right!" the upperclassman said. "Go on in there and get some chow!"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.