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Today's newest funny picture is of something that many of you are - a big computer fan:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/computer-fan

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Priceless Grandparent Stories - Part 1"

1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

2. A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

3. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"! I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

4. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

5. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

Toys & Games 234x60

Today's CleanPun

"When the unemployed actor got a job with a demolition company, he finally brought down the house."

Today's One Liner

"You are not a kid anymore when you are obsessed with the thermostat."
~Jeff Foxworthy

Today's CleanQuote

"In Congress someone gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then they all disagree."

Today's Illustration - "Choose Today"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

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There are three more pages updated to the Cybersalt site today. You'll find them at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/computer-cables
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/fat-giraffe
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/mermetermaid

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Laboratory Cells"

My mother works in a laboratory and is responsible for keeping tissue cultures alive. So that she won't forget, she writes "feed cells" on her calendar. One day she noticed that someone had scribbled in "take cells for a walk."

By the end of the month, a number of anonymous reminders had been added: "Take cells to Disneyland," "Cells on vacation," "Cells back" and, on Yom Kippur, "Jewish cells get the day off."

Today's CleanPun - "Rolex and Timex"

A girl was visiting her friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The friend responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Helloooooooooooooo," answered the girl. "They're watch dogs!"

Today's One Liner

"If Patrick Henry thought taxation was bad without representation... he should see it with!"

Today's CleanQuote

"A procrastinator's work is never done."

Today's Illustration - "Tell the Secret"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A woman named Vicki once knew a young person at church named Betty. Betty always seemed effervescent and happy, although Vicki knew she had faced struggles in her life. Her long-awaited marriage had quickly ended in divorce. She had struggled to get a grip on her single life. She hadn't chosen it, but she decided she would live it with utmost enjoyment and satisfaction. Betty was active in Sunday school, in the choir, as a leader of the junior high girls' group, and in the church renewal movement. Vicki enjoyed knowing Betty. Betty's whole face seemed to smile.

One day Vicki asked Betty, "How is it that you are always so happy, you have so much energy, and you never seem to get down?"

With her eyes smiling, Betty said, "I know the Secret!"

"What secret is that, what are you talking about?" Vicki asked.

Betty replied, "I'll tell you all about it, but you have to promise to share the Secret with others."

Vicki agreed, "Okay, now what is it?"

The Secret is this: "I have learned there is little I can do in my life that will make me truly happy. I must depend on God to make me happy and meet my needs. When a need arises in my life, I have to trust God to supply according to HIS riches. I have learned most of the time I don't need half of what I think I do. HE has never let me down. Since I learned that Secret I am happy."

Vicki's first thought was, That's too simple! But upon reflecting over her own life she recalled how she thought a bigger house would make her happy - but it didn't! She thought a better-paying job would make her happy - but it hadn't. When did she realize her greatest happiness? Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren, playing games, eating pizza or reading a story, a simple gift from God.

Betty knew the secret, Vicki learned the secret, and now you know it too! We can't depend on people to make us happy. Only GOD in His wisdom can do that. Trust HIM!

And now I pass the Secret on to you!

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

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It's tax time again and for the convenience of our American and Canadian subscribers, we are happy to provide links to the following simplified tax forms. BTW, if you want one for your country, simply e-mail the logo for your tax department and we'll try to set you up too.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/simplified-us-tax-forms
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/simplified-canadian-tax-form

There is also a new entry on the FunBlog today. I promise it's a pretty neat video - "Touch Wood!"
http://www.cybersalt.org/funblog/touch-wood

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Loose Fitting Clothing"

April teaches many aerobic classes. She told a lady who was looking to sign up for the class to just wear loose fitting clothing to the class.

"Honey," the lady replied, "if I had any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't be signing up for an exercise class."

Today's CleanPun

"Archaeologists will date any old thing"

Today's One Liner

"The police have stopped my husband so many times for speeding, they decided to just give him a season ticket."

Today's CleanQuote

"Pay attention, boy. I'm cutting but you ain't bleeding." ~ Foghorn Leghorn

Today's Illustration - "Family Devotions Review"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

In our family devotions, we did a study on King Asa, out of 2 Chronicles. Later in the day, we were reviewing what we had learned.

When asking my seven year-old what book in the Bible we find the story of King Asa, he responded, "Second Chronicles of Narnia!"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

New on the Cybersalt site today - and perhaps just in time for you - is "Stress Test":
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/stress-test

There is also a new entry in the Simply Susan blog. You can read "Healthy Again" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/simply-susan/healthy-again

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Coffee Choices"

In our home we tend to get the children to help out. One day our youngest son came in to the living room and asked, "Does anyone want a cup of coffee?"

"Yes please!" we said.

He replied, "What kind of coffee do you want? Capitated or decapitated?"

Today's CleanPun

I asked my mailman why my letters were all wet.

He said "postage dew".

Today's One Liner

"Support the metric system every inch of the way!"

Today's CleanQuote

"You may live in an imperfect world but the frontiers are not closed and the doors are not all shut."
~ Maxwell Maltz

Today's Illustration - "There They Go Again"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

As Christians, it is our responsibility to be a witness to our neighbors but, also, to let our witness show by our faithfulness in the family of God and the house of God every opportunity we can. As our neighbors watch us leave on Sunday morning, they will say "There they go again."

As our neighbors watch us leave Sunday evening, they will say, "There they go again."

As our neighbors watch us leave on Wednesday evening, they will say, "There they go again."

One day, when the trumpet of God sounds and God steps out onto the portals of Heaven to say, "Come up hither" our neighbors can look out their window saying, "There they go again."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

Precious Moments? Figurines, Collectibles, and Gifts for all Occasions, Shop Now!

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The Cybersalt Site was down for a number of hours yesterday due to work on fiber optic cables nearby Cybersalt World Headquarters. So if you could not view the featured link yesterday you should be able to view it today.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/scooter-helmet

And if you can view yesterday's featured link today you should also be able to view today's featured link. You'll find "Improved Voting Device" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/improved-voting-device

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Solid to Gas"

Some time ago, I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the sessions on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation - the act of going from a gas to a solid skipping the intermediate stage(s). e.g., frost - water vapor in the air becoming a solid on surfaces without first going through the liquid stage.

Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas (expecting "dry ice" as the answer).

A previously unknown section of my mind took control of my mouth and immediately emitted the word "burrito."

It took the instructor about 10 minutes to regain an academic composure.

Today's CleanPun

"I have a sore throat, Doctor. I ache, I have a fever."

"Sounds like a virus."

"Everyone in the office has it."

"Well then, maybe it's a staff infection."

Today's One Liner

"Red meat is not bad for you - it's green fuzzy meat that's bad for you"

Today's CleanQuote

"There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose time has come."
~Victor Hugo

Today's Illustration - "Bragging Rights"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:

I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my back-seater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its ground speed.

"90 knots" Center replied. Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.

"120 knots," Center answered. We weren't the only ones proud of our ground speed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests ground speed readout."

There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty."

Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my back-seater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.

"Center, Aspen 20, you got a ground speed readout for us?"

There was a longer than normal pause... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots."

No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?"

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3614 - April 7, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3613 - April 6, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3612 - April 5, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3611 - April 2, 2011

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