Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone!

Grandma Cybersalt is away this week at a conference in Toronto and for another visit with our daughter and her family. So once again it's time to run that intermittent science experiment at Cybersalt Word Headquarters: "See if Tim can keep himself alive for 7 days."

My strategy is to eat and sleep regularly and, because nobody will be around, not go up on the roof and fall off. Although, if I fall to the front of the house there is a good chance the mailman will notice me - especially if they need a signature!

Today's video share is, "The World's Smallest Movie." This stuff is so small it blows my mind, which is also made up of this small stuff!

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 

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Where did I come from?

One day our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?"

My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life.

So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider.

When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Pennsylvania."

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One-Liner #1699

"The city should hire the guy that salts the fries at McDonalds to do the roads!"

- unknown

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

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Ailment Pun

Of course, you know the one about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniacs.

They lay awake every night wondering if there really is a dog.

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Quote #2136

Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.

- Bill Watterson

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Showing Off, Confusion, Communication

In the ascertainment of an excogitation of linguistic proclivity, one might ascribe to the mentation that a phratry exists in which some encyclopedists designedly cultivate a nonplussed ambience hypothecated to befuddle the vox populi.

TRANSLATED: Judging from the words some people use, you'd think they purposely write to confuse the average person.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

On Sunday I reported that Pastor Suneel had found a house for him and his family to rent. That turned out to be short-lived for reasons of persecution and pressure put on his landlord by neighbours. However, another rental situation has been found so we are thankful to God for that provision.

Today's video share shows something pretty cool that you should definitely not play with!
Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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You've Had Too Much Coffee When

1. You ski uphill.

2. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

3. You speed walk in your sleep.

4. You answer the door before people knock.

5. Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.

6. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

7. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

8. You just completed another sweater and you don't even know how to knit.

9. You sleep with your eyes open.

10. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

11. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

12. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

13. You lick your coffee pot clean.

14. You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House."

15. You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.

16. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

17. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

18. You chew on other people's fingernails.

19. Cocaine is a downer.

20. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

21. All your kids are named "Joe."

22. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

23. You buy ½ and ½ by the barrel.

24. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their drinks.

25. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

26. You can jump-start your car without cables.

27. You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.

28. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

29. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

30. You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.

31. You don't sweat, you percolate.

32. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

33. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

34. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

35. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your home.

36. Instant coffee takes too long.

37. People get dizzy just watching you.

38. When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."

39. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

40. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.

41. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.

42. People can test their batteries in your ears.

43. You life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

44. You channel surf faster without a remote.

45. When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop!"

46. You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

47. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.

48. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

49. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

50. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

51. You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar".

52. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

53. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

54. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

55. Your 3 favorite things in life are: coffee before, coffee during, and coffee after.

56. You can't even remember your second cup.

57. You help your dog chase its tail.

58. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

59. Your Thermos has wheels.

60. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

61. You introduce your spouse as your "CoffeeMate."

62. Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hook-up.

63. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

64. You short out motion detectors.

65. You have conniptions over spilled milk.

66. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

67. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

68. You don't tan, you roast.

69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.

70. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

71. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

72. You read this entire list.

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One-Liner #1698

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

- George Carlin

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"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

---

Air Pun

Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor.

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Quote #2135

Don't search for the meaning of life. Simply be present for the people you love.

- Maxime Lagacé

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Shocked in Heaven

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
by the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He "They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."

David J. Nixon (1996)

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone!

Thank you for praying for Pastor Suneel and family. They have found a house to rent and will be moving in a week's time.

There is a new devotional from Rev. Suneel Barkat on the Cybersalt site today. You will find the beginning of it down below in today's mailing.

Today's video share is a restful, almost sleepy, look back at some of the earliest colour photos ever taken.
Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 

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Theory Testing Contest

*Winners of a Recent Theory Testing Contest*

HONOURABLE MENTION:

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in another.  When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in"erl wells."

RUNNERS-UP:

#4 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.  Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

#3 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

#2 Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.  This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

#1 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down.  I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground.  With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

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One-Liner #1697

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

- George Carlin

---

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

---

Animal Crackers

When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.

"What are you doing?" his Mom asked.

"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

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Quote #2134

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose."

- Dr. Seuss

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Aging, Elderly

It’s hard to say if its an urban legend or true. Just the same, the poem says what is true and so I’m including it in the list today. Thanks to list member “pmills6734” for sending it to me.

When an old lady died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Dundee, Scotland, it was felt that she had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through her meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Ireland. The old lady's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the North Ireland Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on her simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old Scottish lady, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this "anonymous" poem winging across the Internet. Goes to show that we all leave "SOME footprints in time".....

An Old Lady's Poem

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?

What are you thinking when you're looking at me?

A crabby old woman, not very wise,

Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply

When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"

Who seems not to notice the things that you do,

And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.....

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....

Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse;

you're not looking at me!

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of ten ... with a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,

Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.

A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,

Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,

Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.

A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,

Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,

But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.

At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,

Again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;

I look at the future, I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing young of their own,

And I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old woman ... and nature is cruel;

'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,

There is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,

And now and again my battered heart swells.

I remember the joys, I remember the pain,

And I'm loving and living life over again.

I think of the years ....all too few, gone too fast,

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,

Not a crabby old woman; look closer ...see ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an old person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within ...... We will one day be there, too!

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

---

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

After a longer than usual summer, we got some early snow at Cybersalt World Headquarters this week. It's all melted now, making it the best kind of snow!

Rev. Suneel Barkat and his wife would appreciate prayer as they try to find a new house in the part of Pakistan they are moving back to after a few years away doing nursing training. With the devastating floods of the summer, places to rent are scarce and life even harder for them in that country.

Today's video share is not a miracle (as it says in the title) but I am looking forward to trying this trick with superglue and cotton!
Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

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Insurance Claims

These are from insurance forms in which drivers were asked to explain their disasters in the fewest words possible.
***************************

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn't have.

A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car.

The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the hood of my car.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.

When I saw I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met.

One wheel went into a ditch. My foot jumped from brake to accelerator, leaped across the road to the other side, and jumped into the trunk of a tree.

I had been driving for about 40 years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

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One-Liner #1696

I would imagine if you could understand morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

- Mitch Hedberg

---

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

---

Major League Negotiations

Baseball umpires want salary hikes.

The response from the owners is, "Yikes!

Can't afford increased pay."

So the union does say,

"Then our recourse is calling more strikes."

-* Kirk Miller

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Quote #2133

"Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn."

- Benjamin Franklin

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Military Bureaucracy

When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit. One day a long form came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it.

However, a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read: "You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure."

So I did.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.