Cybersalt Digest Archive


Issue #3915

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

I've made it easier for everyone to find Christmas jokes on the Cybersalt site by creating a separate area for them.  You can now get ready to be entertaining at your Christmas gatherings by going to:
www.cybersalt.org/entertainment/clean-jokes/christmas-jokes

There are two new funny Christmas pictures on the site as well.  You'll find them at the top of the list at:
www.cybersalt.org/entertainment/funny-christmas-pictures

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's CleanLaugh

English Subtitles

Picture of Hong Kong SkylineThe following are actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong.

* I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

* Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

* Gun wounds again?

* A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

* I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.

* Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.

* Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

* I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

* I will surround their house by myself.

* You daring lousy guy.

* Beat him out of recognizable shape!

* I have been scared silly too much lately.

* I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

* Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

* The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

* The Americans will not save you for Christmas.

* Both of you will die when the sun hits the bell.

* You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0895

dog australian_shepherd"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
- John Steinbeck

Here is today's CleanPun

Stopped Selling

picture of a mangoThe supermarket has stopped selling tropical fruit: It's enough to make a mango crazy.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1343

picture of playing cards"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with."

Here is today's Illustration

False Teachers, Following

picture of a gravestoneThe following caption was found written on a gravestone...

"As I am now, you soon shall be,

So be content to follow me."

Then someone taped the following note on that gravestone...

"To follow you I'm not content,

Until I know which way you went!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3914

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everybody!

There is a new commentary by Rev. James Snyder on the Cybersalt site today.  You can read "What Holiday Does a Holiday Tree Celebrate?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/what-holiday-does-a-holiday-tree-celebrate

The Westside Bible Church web site has also been updated with recordings of a couple of baptisms and messages from October and November at:
www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/baptisms
www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/messages

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

MIT PHD

picture of a football refereeThere's the story about the MIT student who spent an entire summer going to Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt.  Each day he was seen walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field.

At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football game.

When the referee walked onto the field and blew his whistle, the game had to be delayed for half an hour to wait for the birds to get off the field.

The guy wrote his thesis on this and graduated.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   
 


Issue #3913

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Happy December everyone!

Today's new page on the Cybersalt site is "Bitter Cake" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/bitter-cake

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Investments

investingSTOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Ha ha ha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0894

eaglesEagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Here is today's CleanPun

Guiding Clark Kent

A picture of supermanClark Kent takes direction from his hat: It’s his Super visor.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1342

A picture of a science laboratory"Science can tell us how to do many things, but it can not tell us what ought to be done."
- Author Unknown

Here is today's Illustration

Wedding Verses

A picture of a wedding cakeA couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake "John 4:18":

"For you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3912

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

There is a new funny dog picture on the Cybersalt site today.  You'll find "Comb Over Dog" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-dog-pictures/comb-over-dog

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Young Man's Disorder

picture of a mom and sonA young man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder.

"Every thought I have turns to my mother," he told the psychiatrist.

"As soon as I fall asleep and begin to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast."

The psychiatrist replied, "What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?"

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0893

a picture of organic onionsOnion Jokes: I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Here is today's CleanPun

Socretes' Dough

dough-freshSocrates kept his dough yeast-free until inspection because the unexamined loaf is not worth leaven.

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1341

A picture of A. W. Tozer‎"Worship is man's full reason for existence. Worship is why we are born and why we are born again."
- A.W. Tozer

Here is today's Illustration

Five Year Old Speaks

picture of a bowl of soupA five-year old boy had never spoken a single word.

One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "Soup's cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, "Until now, everything's been great."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 


Issue #3911

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Oh Look, Chicken Thursday!

There is one new funny picture page on the Cybersalt site today.  Happy birthday, Karl!
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/happy-birthday-karl

Mrs. Cybersalt and I are just over 2 months away from being grandparents.  Our daughter Alyssa is going to have a home birth and depending on the timing of it we may be there to watch it. I can't say I'm entirely comfortable with the idea of being in the same living room while everything happens, but on the plus side at least there will be a pool I can soak my feet in while I wait.

If you want to catch up on her latest entries from her awesome and often hilarious "Moving with God" blog, they are featured on the Cybersalt site at:
www.cybersalt.org/blogs/moving-with-god

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Here is today's CleanLaugh

Beauty Cosmetics

picture of a makeup kitTodd's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Todd replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Todd interrupted.

"I haven't added them up yet."

Be A Cybersalt Fan on
facebook 199x75

twitter-2

Latest Funny Pictures

Want to share this edition of the Cybersalt Digest with your friends?


{forward}Forward via e-mail{/forward}

   

Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0892

Picture of two handsOn the other hand, you have different fingers.

Here is today's CleanPun

Wimbledon Arrival

A picture of Sean ConneryWhat time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish

Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1340

dietrich-bonhoeffer"The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children."
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Here is today's Illustration

Finding Good Help

picture of a drummerAs a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered that the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified the police and he was arrested.

Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. "What happened to the drummer you had?" he asked me.

"I had him arrested," I replied. We said good-bye and hung up.

A few minutes later my friend called back and asked, "How badly did he play?"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

 
  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3910 - November 28, 2012
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3909 - November 27, 2012
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3908 - November 21, 2012
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3907 - November 16, 2012

Page 239 of 315