More Insurance Claims
 "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Traveled by bus?
This Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q - What warning was given by you?
A - Horn
Q - What warning was given by the other party?
A - Moo
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
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"Tchaikovsky is probably my favorite composer that’s also a sneeze. "
I can never make it to the end of the alphabet.
“There is a big difference between what we have the right to do and what is right to do.”
Take some of the most common excuses for not going to church and use them to stop attending sporting events and here’s what you get:
For fun, try to use at least two of these in at work today.
"I'm an expert on Chinese food - when I eat it I only use one chopstick."
Shopaholic: just following your in a mall instincts.
"A good conscience is a continual Christmas."
The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate with a bit of stowed-away rum. He got so drunk that he was still a little drunk the next morning. Later in the day, when the first mate had sobered up, he looked in the ship's log. He read the captain's entry for the day: "The first mate was drunk today."
A shy little 4-year-old came in to the dentist for his first cleaning and check-up. The hygienist tried to strike up a conversation but no response.
Life should have a purpose, however meaningless.
Addiction to French-pressed coffee: may cause you to hit bodum.
"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither."
It's said that Abraham Lincoln once sized up the case of a prospective client as follows:
More Excerpts from "The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human."
"The colder the x-ray table the more you body is required on it."
Don’t believe in horses? You're a neightheist!
"If God would concede me His omnipotence for 24 hours, you would see how many changes I would make in the world. But if He gave me His wisdom too, I would leave things as they are."
In his book Dare to Believe, Dan Baumann illustrates the unique experience of knowing that something is ours, yet longing to enjoy it more fully. He explained that at Christmas time he would always do a lot of snooping, trying to find the gift-wrapped presents and figure out what was in them.
A football coach was asked how he picked a team from a bunch of raw recruits.