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Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3900 - November 2, 2012


Issue #3900

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

johnny-keidannSorry for the mix-up on October 31, when I accidentally sent the Pearly Gates mailing to all Cybersalt Digest subscribers. I wondered why so many people unsubscribed that day - I guess there is a reason I send theologically incorrect jokes to the former and not the latter. BTW, if you want to receive the Pearly Gates newsletter, you can subsdcribe using the "To Modify Your Subscription" link at the end of this mailing.

There are 5 more updated funny picture pages on the Cybersalt site today.  You will find them at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/mom-eyes
www.cybersalt.org/funny-horse-pictures/horse-scream
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/hamburger-diet
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/roller-coaster-lift
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/dummy-cutbacks

Finally, you may be wondering who the handsome young man is in this picture.  He is Johnny K., the son of a Cybersalt subscriber who I am sure is happy to see a picture of his son here.  Johnny is staying at Cybersalt World Headquarters for a few days while his dorm room is being used for a retreat.  He is a very well mannered, polite, and SINGLE young man. - (ladies note !!!!)

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Trading Caps

Picture of a gas capI have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.

"Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits.

And this one's even better because it locks..."

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Latest Funny Pictures

  • Mom Eyes

  • Horse Scream

  • Hamburger Diet

  • Roller Coaster Lift

  • Dummy Cutbacks


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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0881

magnifyI accidentally used aol.com to search for something today - I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future.



Here is today's CleanPun

Laundry Day

A picture of shortsIt must be Laundry Day: I'm feeling all out of shorts.


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1330

A picture of communion"Without Jesus, the Bread of Life, you are toast.!!!!!"


Here is today's Illustration

Lucky Saucer

picture of a saucerA famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3899 - November 1, 2012


Issue #3899

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

I'm in the home stretch for moving funny picture pages over to the new Cybersalt site.  Here are links to the latest 6:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/school-memories
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/camel-park
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/bus-goats
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/body-shop-tow
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/bison-face-off
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/bike-tow

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!


Here is today's CleanLaugh

County Employees

telephone pole_markerA fellow stopped at a rural gas station, filled his tank, and took a break by his car while drinking a soda.

As he relaxed, he watch a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him by about 25 feet and filled in the hole. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. Overcome by curiosity, the fellow headed for the first man.

"Hey there," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"We work for the county government, " one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. Isn't that a waste of the county's money?"

"Well," one of the men replied, "normally there's three of us - me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Yeah," Mike added. "Just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

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Latest Funny Pictures

Not the right time


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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0880

A picture of paperclips"Paperclips are staples for people with commitment issues."



Here is today's CleanPun

Willie Hit By Car

Picture of a roadBreaking News: Willie Nelson hit by a car.

He was playing "On the Road Again."


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1329

A picture of empty pewsMurphy’s Law for Preachers:

Law #1: If the weather is bad, church attendance will be down.

Law #2: If the weather is good, church attendance will be down.


Here is today's Illustration

Just For Today

Picture of a calendarJust for Today ...

.. smile at a stranger

.. listen to someone's heart

.. drop a coin where a child can find it

.. learn something new, then teach it to someone

.. tell someone you're thinking of them

.. hug a loved one

.. don't hold a grudge

.. don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry"

.. look a child in the eye and tell them how great they are

.. don't kill that spider in your house, he's just lost so show him the way out

.. look beyond the face of a person into their heart

.. make a promise, and keep it

.. call someone, for no other reason than to just say "Hi"

.. show kindness to an animal

.. stand up for what you believe in

.. smell the rain, feel the breeze, listen to the wind

.. use all your senses to their fullest

.. cherish all your TODAYS

~ Author Unknown

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3898 - October 31, 2012


Issue #3898

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

My sympathies to everyone who has lost loved ones and to so many who are suffering in the wake of Hurricane Sandy this past week.

On the Cybersalt site today, there are a number of newly updated pages.  You will find them at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/workplace-safety
www.cybersalt.org/funny-car-pictures/dump-truck-flip
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/toothpick-sleep
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/tank-bunker
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/police-cutbacks
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/when-pigs-fly

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Genetically Modified Food

A picture of genetically modified cornSigns that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0879

Picture of a stranger"The next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone I will look a them shocked and just whisper quietly, 'You can see me?'"



Here is today's CleanPun

Avoiding Elevators

picture of an elevator sign"I usually take steps to avoid elevators."


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1328

doctor2"A smart Doctor is one who can diagnose the ailment of a patient who doesn’t smoke or drink and isn’t overweight."
- Al Haywood


Here is today's Illustration

Start With Yourself

picture of a tombstoneThe following words were written on the tomb of an Anglican bishop in the crypts of Westminster Abbey:

When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But it too seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lay on my deathbed, I suddenly realize if I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.

From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.

~ Author Unknown

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3897 - October 29, 2012


Issue #3897

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Did you know that Cybersalt World Headquarters is approximately 2000 feet from the Salish Sea and 275 feet above sea level? These are numbers we pay attention to on the Left Coast for times we are alerted to the potential of a tsunami - as happened on Saturday night after Haida Gwaii's 7.7 earthquake (450 miles up the coast). It's another practical example of the need to think vertically in life. Everybody waiting for the superstorm on the East Coast are doing the same thing.  Jeff Larson has a vertically thinking cartoon for such times at:
thebackpew.com/cartoons/hurricaneoflife

There are a bunch more updated funny picture pages on the new Cybersalt site today.  Here are the links for them:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/donkey-watermelon
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/emergency-phone
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/office-productivity-down
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/snowball-nuns
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/no-getaway

Enjoy the rest ot today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Dark and Stormy Ride

If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/whatsagoober.htm

picture of rain on windowA goober was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car coming toward him and stop.

Without thinking about it, the guy got into the back seat, closed the door and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel! The car starts slowly; the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray begging for his life.

He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time right before a curve.

Gathering his strength, the goober jumps out of the car and runs to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes to a restaurant and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was serious.

About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same restaurant. They looked around for a table when one said to the other,

"Look John, that's the goober who got in the car when we were pushing it."

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Latest Funny Pictures

  • Donkey Watermelon

  • Emergency Phone

  • Office Productivity Down

  • Snowball Nuns

  • No Getaway


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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0878

"So the Mayans could see the end of the world in 2012 but couldn't see the Spanish coming in 1520?"



Here is today's CleanPun

Sign Language

picture of signing hands"I'm glad I know sign language: it's pretty handy."


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1327

flower in_vase"The flower in the vase smiles, but no longer laughs."
- Malcolm De Chazal


Here is today's Illustration

Sleep In a Storm

a picture of storm cloudsYears ago a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farmhand?" the farmer asked him. "Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man. Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.

Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!" The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away.

The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.

When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life? The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he had secured the farm against the storm. We, as believers in Christ, secure ourselves against the storms of life by grounding ourselves in the Word of God. We don't need to understand, we just need to hold His hand to have peace in the midst of the storms. I hope you sleep well!

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3896 - October 27, 2012


Issue #3896

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News

Do you use or are you on StumbleUpon?  If you are, or would like to try it, please remember to follow Cybersalt.
www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cybersalt

There are five more funny pictures moved to the new Cybersalt site today.  They are in different categories so here are direct links to each of them:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/pig-motorcycle-hog
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/street-light-genius
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/jet-powered-scooter
www.cybersalt.org/funny-horse-pictures/horse-castle
www.cybersalt.org/funny-elephant-pictures/elephant-trailer

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.


Here is today's CleanLaugh

Yes, Always Officer

Picture of a steering wheelA lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road.

She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.

"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"

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Here is today's One-liner

One-liner #0877

bucket"I just read a list of 100 things to do before you die and I’m pretty surprised 'Yell for help' wasn’t one of them."



Here is today's CleanPun

Smoking Kills

Smoking kills people and cures salmon.

picture of a cigarette in an ash tray


Here is today's CleanQuote

Quote #1326

"Some people are living proof that it is easier to get older than it is to get wiser."

old-man-2


Here is today's Illustration

Puppies For Sale

picture of a litter of puppiesA farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies."

"Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money."

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?"

"Sure," said the farmer.

And with that he let out a whistle, "Here,Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up...."I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands."

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt

www.cybersalt.org

End of Newsletter

 
  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3895 - October 25, 2012
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3894 - October 19, 2012
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3893 - October 17, 2012
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3892 - October 15, 2012

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