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Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3695 - July 18, 2011

The Cybersalt Digest

Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

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Cybersalt News

There is a new entry in the FunBlog today. I think you will enjoy the "Clark Retirement Community LipDub" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funblog/clark-retirement-community-lipdub

Remember, you can now easily sign up for a free profile on the Cybersalt Site and discuss any page you like. Use your Facebook account, your Twitter account, or simply sign up with your e-mail.

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.


Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Small Town Check"

I had just moved from an apartment to a house in the same small town. One day at the grocery store, I used the last of my personalized checks bearing my old address. The cashier examined the document and asked if everything on it was correct. I assured her that it was, and she started to put the check in the cash drawer. But then she inquired again if everything was accurate.

"Why do you ask?" I responded.

"Because," she replied, "my husband and I moved to this apartment yesterday, and I don't remember seeing you at breakfast."


Today's CleanPun - "To Err is Human; To Forgive, Divine."

To err is human; to purr, feline.
To err is human; two curs, canine.
To err is human; to do nothing, benign.
To err is human; to quit, resign.
To err is human; to howl, lupine.
To err is human; to solve, design.
To err is human; to moo, bovine.
To err is human; to soothe, calamine.
To err is human; to pretend, pantomime.
To err is human; to bloom, columbine.
To err is human; to prance, equine.
To err is human; to add, combine.
To err is human; to befriend, pal o' mine.
To err is human; to woo, Valentine.
To err is human; to horrify, Frankenstein.
To err is human; to straighten, align.
To err is human; to drown, Clementine.
To err is human; to twist, serpentine.
To err is human; to love, sublime.
To err is human; to cut in, go back in line!


Today's One Liner

"People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first person to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes, try to understand that there must be a reason for this."
~ Fran Lebowitz


Today's CleanQuote

Sometimes we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change.


Today's Illustration - "People you do not want to hear say 'OOPS!'"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Your surgeon.
Your dentist.
Your nurse.
Your hairdresser.
Your mechanic.
Your gardener.
Your tax accountant.
The computer tech person.
The house painter.
The pilot.
The crew installing your roof, siding, sprinkler system . . .


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3694 - July 17, 2011

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone.

The Westside Bible Church is once again updated with current service recordings, message recordings, and a wonderful testimony from the baptismal tank. You will find them all at:

http://www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/baptisms
http://www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/messages/
http://www.westsidefamily.org/multimedia-podcast/services

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.


Here is today's CleanLaugh - "English Errors"

English is such a tough language to master. There are more exceptions to the rules than rules. It's no wonder there are so many blunders. We hope this creative copy from travel and dining brochures from around the world will put a smile on your face.

Italian hotel brochure:
This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

Polish tourist brochure:
As for the tripe served you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praises to your grandchildren as you lie on your deathbed.

Swiss menu:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Spanish hotel ad:
The provision of a large French widow in every room adds to visitors' comfort.

Athens hotel:
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

On the menu:
Bowels in sauce. (Tripe!)
Chopped up cow with wire through it. (Shish-kebob)
Buttered saucepans and fried hormones - Japan
Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China
Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China
Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong
Teppan Yaki, Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan

Hong Kong Tailor Shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Bangkok Dry Cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

Paris Dress Shop:
Dresses for street walking.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3693 - July 16, 2011

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Now that the Cybersalt Site has undergone it's major migration/upgrade, I can now move on to begin to re-introduce old areas of the site and roll out new features.

For instance, the Cybersalt Community Forum is up and running again. The forum is now also doing double duty as the comment system. So if you want to comment on a joke, devotional, or some other material on the site, you can now do so in the comment area below each article. When you do that it will automatically create a discussion in the Cybersalt Community Forum where others can join in.

To use the above features you will need to be logged into the Cybersalt Site. Registering a profile is free and if you already have a Facebook or Twitter account you don't even have to fill in any fields. Just click the appropriate "Sign In" button in the lower right hand columns of the site and you'll be on your way.

I hope you will check out and try these new features. Just e-mail if you experience any bumps along the way so I can fine tune the set-up.

Finally, I hope you enjoy today's featured page - "Lion Cut"
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/cat-line-cut-or-lion-cut

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.


Here is today's CleanLaugh - "First Passport"

At 82 years old, my husband applied for his first passport.

He was told he'd need a birth certificate, but his birth had never been officially registered. When he explained his dilemma to the passport agent, the response was less than helpful.

"In lieu of a birth certificate," the agent said, "you can bring a notarized affidavit from the doctor who delivered you."



Today's CleanPun

A farmer brought his daughter a pet pig, which she called "Stinky" when it was in her room but called "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.

"Tell me," her father asked her, "why do you have two names for your pig?"

"That's easy," she replied. "Ballpoint is just his pen name."


Today's One Liner

"The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow."


Today's CleanQuote

"There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity"


Today's Illustration - "Attractive First Impressions"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

WHEN my best friend, James, came home on his first Army leave, my little brother asked him what he did in the service. "I do calisthenics, shoot guns and follow orders," James replied.

Walking in town that day, James and I ran into a buddy who also asked him what he did in the Army. James gave the same reply: "I do calisthenics, shoot guns and follow orders."

A while later, we met a former classmate, an attractive woman, and she asked the same question. This time, James said, "I'm studying communications, learning foreign languages and traveling around the world."


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3692 - July 15, 2011

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

I am happy to report that the Cybersalt Site migration to updated software has reached the point to where the new site is now live. If you notice any problems with it, please don't hesitate to send me a note. Undoubtedly there will be little things that pop-up here and there. BTW, "the jokes aren't funny enough" is not something I can fix.

To get back in the swing of things, there is a newly updated funny picture on the site. You'll find "Baby Pots" at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/baby-pots

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.


Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Shower or Tub"

New Englanders are known for their dry wit and logic.

Once in Martha's Vineyard a hotel clerk asked me if I wanted a room with a shower or a tub. I asked what the difference was.

He replied, "Well sir, in a tub, you can sit down."


Target.com Generic Banner


Today's CleanPun

My doctor e-mailed me asking if I knew my "blod group". I replied, "typo."


Today's One Liner

"Do the right thing because one cookie would just be afraid by itself in the dark, right?"


Today's CleanQuote

"All generalizations are false."


Today's Illustration - "Not Knowing All the Words"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child's voice. I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child's words. When I spotted a boy perched on a rock, I realized why his words had made no sense: He was repeating the alphabet.

"Why are you saying your ABC's so many times?" I asked him.

The child replied, "I'm saying my prayers."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet."

Patiently the child explained, "Well, I don't know all the words, so I give God the letters. He knows what I'm trying to say."


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3691 - July 14, 2011

The Cybersalt Digest

Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:

Cybersalt News

Shhhhh . . . . . It's that day again.

Somebody call Lassie because Timmy has fallen down a well - the well of migrating (which is way different than upgrading) the Cybersalt Site from Joomla 1.5 to Joomla 1.6.

I'm about 54% of the way through the process and hope to make the updated site live some time today- if all goes well.

Enjoy the rest of today's digest!


Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Bag of Chickens"

If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/whatsagoober

Two goobers meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"


Today's CleanPun

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."


Today's One Liner

"The other day I nearly succumbed to a bout of narcissism: seriously, I just don't know what's come over me, me, me, me."


Today's CleanQuote

"Whatever you are, be a good one."
~ Abraham Lincoln


Today's Illustration - "Barbecuing: Manly Cooking"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Barbecuing - It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do.

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:

(1) The woman goes to the store.

(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.

(4) The man places the meat on the grill.

(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."

And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3690 - July 13, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3689 - July 12, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3688 - July 11, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3687 - July 10, 2011

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