Cybersalt Digest Archive

Cybersalt News

This isn't the first time one of my pages has been accused of being "cheesy." Well, if the cheddar fits, rock on dude!
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/cheese-guitar

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Razor Request"

Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave. After being nicked by the barber several times Ronnie says, "Hey buddy, have you got an extra razor?"

The barber replies "Well yes sir I do, would you prefer shaving yourself?"

Ronnie said, "Well not exactly but I thought I could defend myself."

Today's CleanPun

"As long as the imperial system is in place a ruler will be afoot."

Today's One Liner

"Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to."

Today's CleanQuote

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

Today's Illustration - "Barbers Don't Exist"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer.

'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back to enter the barbershop again and said to the barber: 'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'

'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'

'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Cybersalt News

Due to an increase of knowledge accumulated over the passing of time, it is considered inappropriate to drive while talking on a cell phone, shaving, or doing both at the same time.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/cell-phone-shaver

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Chess Playing Dog"

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.

"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

Today's CleanPun

A man was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said 'NIL'.

White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to 'The Great Nullity' and 'The Blessed Emptiness'.

The man turned to a white-robed observer beside him and asked, "Is Nothing Sacred?"
~ Stan Kegel

Today's One Liner

"The difference between a computer expert and a novice is that the novice hesitates before doing anything stupid."

Today's CleanQuote

"Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand."

Today's Illustration - "A Special Place"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

There is a special place in life,
That needs my humble skill,
A certain job I'm meant to do,
Which no one else can fulfill.

The time will be demanding,
And the pay is not too good
And yet I wouldn't change it
for a moment -- even if I could.

There is a special place in life,
A goal I must attain,
A dream that I must follow,
Because I won't be back again.

There is a mark that I must leave,
However small it seems to be,
A legacy of love for those
Who follow after me.

There is a special place in life,
That only I may share,
A little path that bears my name,
Awaiting me somewhere.

There is a hand that I must hold,
A word that I must say,
A smile that I must give
For there are tears to blow away.

There is a special place in life
that I was meant to fill.
A sunny spot where flowers grow,
upon a windy hill.

There's always a tomorrow and the
best is yet to be,
And somewhere in this world,
I know there is a place for me.

~ Author Unknown

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone.

I spent yesterday updating the Westside Bible Church web site to the latest version of the CMS (Joomla!) on which it runs, so there are no new messages uploaded this weekend.

This updating was excellent practice for when I tackle doing the same for the Cybersalt Site later this month, releasing a ton of new features for Cybersaltines everywhere!

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Negotiated Rules of Golf Between AARP and USGA"

The AARP has negotiated with the USGA to modify the following rules of golf for seniors.

Rule 1.a.5 A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall grass which groundskeepers failed to mow.

Rule 2.d.6 (b) A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.

Rule 3.b.3 (g) There shall be no such thing as a lost ball; the missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging himself or herself with a penalty.

Rule 4.c.7 (h) If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The Rules of Golf supersede the law of gravity.

Rule 5. Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.

Rule 6.a.9 (k) There is no penalty for so-called 'out of bounds.' If penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7.g.15 (z) There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers' shortcomings.

Rule 8.k.9(s) Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment. Since this is financially impracticable for many senior golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.