Cybersalt Digest Archive

Cybersalt News

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Basic Training"

For some recruits, there is nothing basic about basic training.

It was clear that one soldier in particular was not getting the hang of it when on guard duty, he cried out, "Halt! Don't shoot, or I'll move!"

Today's CleanPun

“It was an emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers.”

Today's One Liner

“Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”

Today's CleanQuote

“Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.”

Today's Illustration - "Legalism"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Here is a purported-to-be-true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day, a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him cakes and ale. The following dialog ensued:

Proctor: I beg your pardon?

Student: Sir, I request that you bring me cakes and ale.

Proctor: Sorry, no.

Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me cakes and ale.

At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred-year-old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section that read (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require cakes and ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily eating and slurping away.

Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Cybersalt News

Happy February everyone!

There aren't going to be many new pages on the Cybersalt Site for the next few days while I begin to undertake a revamping of the SEF (search engine friendly) URL system for the site. This may break some of my existing links, but in the end will help the site play nicer with search engines.

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "10 Questions"

Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who live in our community.

In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked questions that give a snapshot of their personalities.

Recently one woman was asked, "What's the strangest thing you ever bought?"

She answered, "Dog toothpaste."

Next question: "What is the most common thing people say to you?"

Her answer: "Where did you get such white teeth?"

Today's CleanPun

What is the difference between a lama, a llama, and a 3-L lllama?
The first is a monk, the second an animal, and the third a huge fire.

Today's One Liner

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."
~Dave Barry

Today's CleanQuote

“Never buy a car you can't push.”

Today's Illustration - "Cab Driver Etiquette"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

On a business trip to India, I arrived at the airport in Delhi and took a taxi to my hotel, where I was greeted by my hospitable Indian host.

The cab driver requested the equivalent of eight dollars U.S. for the fare. It seemed reasonable, so I started to hand him the money. But my host grabbed the bills and initiated a verbal assault upon the cabby, calling him a worthless parasite and a disgrace to their country for trying to overcharge visitors. My host threw half the amount at the driver and told him never to return. As the taxi sped off, my host gave me the remaining bills and asked, "How was your trip?"

"Fine ... until you chased the cab away with my luggage in the trunk."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Cybersalt News

You know how you are supposed to count to 10 when you get angry? Sometimes 10 is not enough, as you'll see in "Why Moms sometimes count to 1000":
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-misc-pictures/7665-count-to-1000

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Computer Users"

Computer users are divided into three types: Novice, Intermediate, and Expert.

Novice User - Someone who is afraid that simply pressing a key might break a computer.

Intermediate User - Someone who doesn't know how to fix a computer after pressing the key that broke it.

Expert User - Someone who presses the key that breaks someone else's computer.

Today's CleanPun

"I forgot most of what I came to the store to buy," Tom said listlessly.
~Walter McLauren

Today's One Liner

“I’ve decided to stop beating around the bush; I'm going to move on to the ornamental shrubbery.”

Today's CleanQuote

There is a guaranteed way to get what you want.
Want less.

Today's Illustration - "False Prophets"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A lady came to a famous poet and handed him a piece of paper, explaining, "The Lord has given me this poem."

The poet scanned the appalling doggerel she had written, then wadded it up and threw it into the trash with the reply, "The Lord has given; the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Cybersalt News

Dogs may be man's best friend, but they aren't always man's best helper.
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-dog-pictures/7663

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Yosemite Bears"

A married couple was vacationing in Yosemite. The wife expressed her concern about camping because of bears and said she would feel more comfortable in a motel. The husband said that he'd like to camp. To calm her concerns, he suggested they talk to the park ranger to see what the likelihood of a bear encounter would be.

The ranger told them, "Well, we haven't seen any grizzlies in this area so far this year, or black bears, for that matter."

The wife shrieked, "There are TWO types of bears out here? How can you tell the difference? Which one is more dangerous?"

The ranger replied, "Well, that's easy -- see, if the bear chases you up a tree and it comes up after you, it's a BLACK bear. If it SHAKES the tree until you fall out, it's a grizzly."

The motel room was quite nice.

Today's CleanPun

The problem: There's a box with a hole at each end, and there's a rabbit in the box. The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out the other end. Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later, etc., etc. How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at the same time?

In theory, two minutes.

In practice, no answer is possible unless you split hares.

Today's One Liner

“Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.”

Today's CleanQuote

"A good listener is usually thinking about something else."
~Kin Hubbard

Today's Illustration - "Life Changes"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

I dialed a number and got the following recording:

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.