Cybersalt Digest Archive

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Flu season is upon us and the ways to spread it are ever increasing:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-misc-pictures/7651-flu-spread

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Young Love"

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more?"

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."

Today's CleanPun

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.

Today's One Liner

Nina was at the Motor Vehicle Bureau applying for a driver's license filling out the forms. When she came to the line "Color of Hair," she put, "L'oreal Preference 8 1/2B."

Today's CleanQuote

“Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?”

Today's Illustration - "Respect for Rank"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A young soldier was stationed at Myrtle Beach, S.C., where he spent his spare time fishing in the backwaters of the Intercostals Waterway. Soon he became a guide of sorts for some senior non-commissioned officers.

Once, a chief master sergeant hooked a 20-pound striped bass. After he reeled the fish onto the boat, he slipped the hook out of its mouth and released it back into the water.

He noticed the puzzled look on the face of the young soldier.

"Rank does have its privileges. I can't keep a fish that has more stripes than I do," he explained.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Keeping in mind that sometimes the most fun you can have with a tool or appliance is by using it for something it was not intended for, enjoy "Winter Irony" - the newest funny picture on the Cybersalt site at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-misc-pictures/7647

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Baggage Problem"

The flight attendant watched a passenger try to stuff his hopelessly overloaded bags into the overhead bin. Finally she informed him that he would have to check the over-sized luggage.

"When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I never have this problem!"

She smiled and said, "Sir, when you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."

Today's CleanPun

After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor.

He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, "Here's your phone."

"What makes you think it's mine?" the ref asked.

"Easy," the coach replied. "It says you missed 13 calls."

Today's One Liner

“The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.”

Today's CleanQuote

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't."
~Mark Twain

Today's Illustration - "Telling the Truth"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

After eight days of backpacking with my wife Linda, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles.

"Terry," she said, "does my hair make me look like a water buffalo?"

I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone.

The Westside Bible Church web site has been updated with recordings of my messages from January 2, 9, and 16. You'll find "Without Self-Control," "Choose Purity," and "Openly Following" at:
http://www.westsidefamily.org/messages

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Passing Notes"

An elderly couple are attending a church service.

About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.

It says, "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

He scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Today, Cybersalt gives a tip of the hat to people who are "Old School":
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-misc-pictures/7646

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Dress Code for Seniors"

Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together:

~ A nose ring and bifocals.
~ Spiked hair and bald spots.
~ A pierced tongue and dentures.

~ Miniskirts and support hose.
~ Ankle bracelets and corn pads.
~ Speedo's and cellulite.

~ A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar.
~ Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor.
~ Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge.

~ Bikinis and liver spots.
~ Short shorts and varicose veins.
~ Inline skates and a walker.

But otherwise, WE'RE LOOKIN' GOOD!

Today's CleanPun

"It's my own invention," Bob replied patently.

Today's One Liner

“The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.”

Today's CleanQuote

“If the horse you're drawing looks more like a dog, make it a dog.”

Today's Illustration - "Human Nature"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A burglar who needed money to pay his income taxes decided to rob the safe in a store.

On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob."

He did so. Instantly, a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises was floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.

As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, "My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

The Cybersalt Digest

Cybersalt News

Don't you just hate it when the store is out of Velcro?
http://www.cybersalt.org/funny-misc-pictures/7644

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Driver's License Examiners"

While discussing the plight of Driver's license examiners, a former motor-vehicle-bureau director told about a woman who was parallel parking.

The examiner asked her, "Could you get a little closer?"

Instead of moving the car, she slid over.

Today's CleanPun

Did you hear about the elevator operator who rode to the basement to pick up Dracula?
He went down for the Count.

Today's One Liner

“If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.”

Today's CleanQuote

"More important than learning how to recall things is finding ways to forget things that are cluttering the mind."
~James Waddell Alexander, II

Today's Illustration - "Promises"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"

He replied, "No, a whole series of fairy tales begins with 'If elected I promise...'"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3549 - January 20, 2011
  2. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3548 - January 19, 2011
  3. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3547 - January 18, 2011
  4. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #3544 - January 15, 2011

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