Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone and welcome to June.

Grandma Cybersalt and I are in Newfoundland: farther East in Canada than we have ever been!

So with that news, enjoy the rest of today's abbreviated digest!

~ Pastor Tim 

A young lawyer, just out of Law School, was pleading his first case in South Carolina.

A train had killed twenty-four pigs, and the young attorney was trying to impress the jury with the magnitude of the injury.

"Yes, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, twenty-four pigs. Imagine, twenty-four pigs! 

Twice the number there are in the jury box." 

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The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.

Many years ago, when my 9 year old daughter was 3, we went to our usual Sunday morning church service. We were seated and waiting for the service to begin, when this woman walked by us in a really bright, gaudy dress. My husband, who never says anything about anyone, even made a comment about how "loud" the dress was.

After the service was over, we were standing outside the church chatting with another couple. I couldn't see my daughter and then I noticed her standing right next to (practically on top of) the woman with the dress.

When I asked her what she was doing, she said "I'm trying to hear this dress mom. Dad said it was really loud, but I can't hear it."

Everyone within earshot, with the exception of my husband and the woman in the dress burst out laughing. My husband wanted to crawl in a hole, and I have to say I never saw that particular dress worn again.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Sometimes, bad days are a blessing in disguise, but you don’t know it at the time.

I have learned that whenever I have a bad day, it is not a time to get discouraged or sad. A bad day is often a door that opens up something I never expected.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

Grandma Cybersalt and I are in "getting ready for the next trip" mode, which includes getting things together so we can try and keep sending the Digest out as we travel about.

So with that news, enjoy the rest of today's digest!

~ Pastor Tim 

- One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

- You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

- When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

- When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

- While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

- Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

- A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

- Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to be oil.

- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

- Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

- We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

- I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

- Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

- Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.

- Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

- Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

- It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live other places.

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A bird-hater went to the beach with a pocket full of pebbles to throw at them.

He left no tern unstoned.

Penny, a good Assessment Nurse was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. She reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm.

After the examination, she told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.

When she got home and told her husband of what she had seen and done her husband asked, "Was the patient that bad?"

Penny said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only sucker called out on a night like this."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

Photo by Susan PageHave you ever wondered where the expression “worrywart” originated?

Apparently, in the late 1950s, a character called the “Worry Wart,” was drawn by J.R. Williams and appeared in Dell comics. The character, a little tyke, was not a worrier, he was more of a troublemaker who caused others to worry.

Worry often grows out of deep concern, a heavy burden or a feeling of apprehension which can lead to fear or anxiety. I am sure that we have all struggled with these feelings from time to time.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

Grandma Cybersalt and I are in "getting ready for the next trip" mode, which includes getting things together so we can try and keep sending the Digest out as we travel about.

So with that news, enjoy the rest of today's digest!

~ Pastor Tim 

It's been a while since we saw a goober joke on the CleanLaugh list. For those who don't know what a goober is (according to me) you can see a picture of one here.

A goober was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.

She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

The goober thought for a time and then asked, "Is it turned on or off?"

I wish my life had background music so I could understand what is going on.

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It was reported recently that a Washington bureaucrat sent a letter to the state of New Mexico requesting the number of cattle guards in the state.

The state promptly responded. 

When Washington saw the number they too responded promptly: "That's too many. You'll have to fire about half of them."

"The Purpose of Propaganda is to make one set of people forget that other sets of people are human."

- Aldous Huxley

Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. Not only that, I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, behaviorally modify disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and T-shirt messages.

I am to fight the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for guns and raise their self-esteem. I'm to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, how and where to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook and how to apply for a job.

I am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial behavior, offer advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class 50 percent of my attention.

I'm required by my contract to be working on my own time summer and evenings at my own expense toward advance certification and a master's degree; and after school, I am to attend committee and faculty meetings and participate in staff development training to maintain my employment status.

I am to be a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of authority. I am to pledge allegiance to supporting family values, a return to the basics, and to my current administration. I am to incorporate technology into the learning, and monitor all Web sites while providing a personal relationship with each student. I am to decide who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit crimes in school or who is possibly being abused, and I can be sent to jail for not mentioning these suspicions.

I am to make sure all students pass the state and federally mandated testing and all classes, whether or not they attend school on a regular basis or complete any of the work assigned. Plus, I am expected to make sure that all of the students with handicaps are guaranteed a free and equal education, regardless of their mental or physical handicap. I am to communicate frequently with each student's parent by letter, phone, newsletter and grade card.

I'm to do all of this with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a 45 minute more-or-less plan time and a big smile, all on a starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states. Is that all?

And you want me to do all of this and expect me NOT TO PRAY?

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Many things in life can be rather dangerous. For me, the most dangerous things in my life are thoughts.

I thought about this one day, and by the end of the day, I was in deep trouble. Thoughts have a way of doing that with me.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

We got some good, heavy rain at Cybersalt World Headquarters last night. That makes me happy because not only is it good for our gardens, our lawn, and our community, it also will provide a nice break from the news complaining about the lack of rain we have been getting.

Today's video is of something I would not want to do, but I do admire all the passion and effort of al those who wanted to break the world record for the longest ski jump!
You can watch the video here.

 Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 

Duck : Do you have any duck food?

Storekeeper: No

Duck : Do you have any duck food?

Storekeeper : No, we have no duck food

Duck : Do you have any duck food?

Storekeeper : NO!!  We do not have any duck food!!

Duck : Do you have any duck food?

Storekeeper : NO!!  WE DO NOT HAVE ANY DUCK FOOD!!  And if you ask me that one more time I'm gonna nail your little webbed feet to the floor!

Duck : <thinks> Do you have any nails?

Storekeeper: <sigh> No....

Duck : Do you have any duck food?

Arguing with me is pointless - I realized I was wrong 10 minutes ago and now I'm just trying to make you mad.

"Be a Billionaire!"

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The biggest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

"A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain."

- Robert Frost

There was a rich man who was deliberately hard on his farmhand.

He gave him a bottle and said, "Buy me a bottle of wine."

The farmhand asked, "How can I buy you wine with no money at all?"

The rich man said, "Anyone can buy wine with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money."

After a while the farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to the rich man and said, "Enjoy the wine, please."

Staring at the empty bottle, the rich man asked, "There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?"

The farmhand said, "Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine when there is none."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

Photo by Susan PageThere were times in Jesus’ short ministry years on earth when He must have reached the point of total exhaustion.

Day after day Jesus walked for miles, performing healings, and releasing people from physical disease and mental bondage. There are passages in Matthew’s Gospel that record events where Jesus heals a leper, the Centurion’s servant, and Peter’s mother-in-law. Naturally, word spread; this good news that there was a man who could do the miraculous, the result being that His work continued into the evening hours. Jesus did not punch a time clock. He gave and gave and gave again. The crowds brought many who were oppressed by demons, and He cast out evil spirits with a word and healed the sick.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.