Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

I am pretty happy that the process of migrating the older Cybersalt servers to newer servers with up to date software is complete. There are still little things that pop up now and then that I have to adjust, but it is satisfying to know that the big stuff is all settled and taken care off. Best of all, the Cybersalt Site has never run faster - except for that one time it was being chased by a bear (BTW, never run away from a bear - it's how you tell them you are tasty!)

I chose today's video share because there is a moment in it that reminds us all that inside of every man there is a boy who still has dreams and thinks some things are really cool!
You can watch the video here.

 Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second party (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the afore-mentioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

When one door closes another one opens; other than that it's a pretty good car.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop.

The lady complied, and the judge next day fined her twenty-five dollars.

She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her check book, should learn of the incident.

Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $25."

"When you're born you look like your parents. But when you die, you look like your choices."

- Dr. Crawford Loritts

One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.

One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal.

One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room.
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.

One step must start each journey,
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.

One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what's true.
One life can make the difference,
You see, IT'S UP TO YOU!

- Unknown

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

There is a fascinating story at the beginning of Mark’s Gospel, chapter two.

Use your imagination to visualize what happened in this short narrative. Crowds had gathered in Capernaum because Jesus was reported to be there. The news must have spread rapidly since the people spilled out of the house where Jesus was teaching.

Along came four men carrying their paralyzed friend. They could not navigate through the congestion to get close to Jesus. Imagine, the crowds did not even part for them. In biblical times, seeing a man on a stretcher was a common everyday occurrence. Even so, it would seem people should have let the men through, out of courtesy, but then, I am a polite Canadian.

These men decided that by whatever means possible they would get to Jesus. So, they devised a plan.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone - and Happy Mother's Day to everyone who celebrates it!

There was a lot of excitement on Friday night when the Aurora Borealis (aka Northern Lights) made a very, very rare appearance at Cybersalt World Headquarters (as can be seen by today's news picture which Grandma Cybersalt took with her phone just before midnight when she turned into a pumpkin and had to get some sleep.) Neither Susan nor I have ever seen the Northern Lights. They are amazing!  That said, I want those of you who have never seen them to know that to the naked eye, they do not look like they appear in pictures or move as they do in time lapse photography: they are not as bright and they do not dance in real time.

Don't get me wrong, the colours of the AB are beautiful to the eye beholding them, but their greatest beauty is what they say to the ears of the soul listening to them. The first 4 verses of Psalm 19 read, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. Without speech or language, without a sound to be heard, their voice has gone out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world."

The fact that nature is saying something to us is a reality that the Apostle Paul, well known for his poor eyesight, clearly saw. In the first chapter of his letter to the Romans, he said that what may be known about God is plain because God has made it plain, "For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood from His workmanship, so that men are without excuse." 

The sun, the moon, the stars and everything else that "happens by" in our skies are more than just things to be wowed by. They are an orchestrated message from our Creator, for us to be wooed by, into a deeper life changing relationship with Him.  

Today's video share is from off the coast of my province: "Mother octopus defends her eggs for four years off B.C. coast" 
You can watch the video here.

Enjoy the rest of today's semi-abbreviated digest!

~ Pastor Tim 

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes -
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes *are* your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name -
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right?  It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

Preparing for the Birth -
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practising because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette -
1st baby: You prewash your new-born's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries -
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities -
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out -
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home -
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Motherhood taught me just how far I can let myself go and still be okay with it.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

A husband and wife had a human cannonball act in the circus. One day the wife ran off with the lion tamer. The husband was extremely dejected. The strong man asked him what he was going to do.

The husband answered, "This is a disaster. I don't know where I'm going to find another woman of her caliber."

"My mother's love has always been a sustaining force for our family, and one of my greatest joys is seeing her integrity, her compassion, her intelligence reflected in my daughters."

- Michelle Obama

Many of us take better care of our cars then we do our mothers and yet we only expect our cars to last 5 or 6 years but we expect our mothers to last for a lifetime. Maybe we need a maintenance manual for mothers so we would know how to take care of them at least as well as we do our automobiles. Here are some items that might be included in such a manual.

Engine: A mother's engine is one of the most dependable kinds you can find. She can reach top speed from a prone position at a single cry from a sleeping child. But regular breaks are needed to keep up that peak performance.

Mothers need a hot bath and a nap every 100 miles, a baby-sitter and a night out every 1,000 miles, and a live-in baby-sitter with a one week vacation every 10,000 miles.

Battery: Mother's batteries should be recharged regularly. Handmade items, notes, unexpected hugs and kisses, and frequent "I love you's" will do very well! for a recharge.

Carburetor: When a mother's carburetor floods it should be treated immediately with Kleenex and a soft shoulder.

Brakes: See that she uses her brakes to slow down often and come to a full stop occasionally. (A squeaking sound indicates a need for a rest).

Fuel: Most mothers can run indefinitely on coffee, leftovers and salads, but an occasional dinner for two at a nice restaurant will really add to her efficiency.

Chassis: Mothers run best when their bodies are properly maintained. Regular exercise should be encouraged and provided for as necessary. A change in hairdo or makeup in spring and fall are also helpful. If you notice the chassis begins to sag, immediately start a program of walking, jogging, swimming, or bike riding. These are most effective when done with fathers.

Tune-ups: Mothers need regular tune-ups. Compliments are both the cheapest and most effective way to keep a mother purring contentedly.

Oh yes, and let's not forget to speak to mother lovingly and respectfully, especially when she reminds you to drive carefully and have a good time.

If these instructions are followed consistently, this fantastic creation and gift from God, whom we call "MOTHER", should last a lifetime and give good service and constant love to those who need her most.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

I was bogged down in a store aisle sorting through Mother's Day cards and having absolutely no luck. It is another Mother's Day and I was having trouble selecting the perfect Mother's Day card. I am tempted to settle for something less than perfect this year.

I was rummaging through all kinds of Mother's Day cards and not happy with any one. There were categories galore for my selection. There are cards to celebrate every aspect of motherhood a person could think of. Of course, I saw a couple categories I had never thought of before. After over a half a century of giving Mother's Day cards I am really at a standstill. I have gone Mother's Day card dry.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday! Remember me? 

There have been no Cybersalt Digest mailings for the past week because Grandma Cybersalt and I have been doing some travelling. On April 25th, we both flew to Calgary and then drove 30 minutes south to take part in the Western Conference of the association of churches whom we help to sponsor refugees (more on that conference below.)

I flew home on the 28th, while Susan stayed on in Calgary to spend some time with her sister, who's husband passed away earlier in the month. I returned to Calgary on May 2 for my brother-in-law's funeral on the 3rd, and then Susan and I flew home on the 4th. As you can imagine, this cut into our time to be able to get the regular mailings out.

The conference we attended began with some sessions focused on rest and renewal for ministry leaders, lead by Pastor Steve Witmer. At lunch Steve and I ended up in the food line together, where I took the opportunity to poke some fun about Surrey, the city in which he lives. Surrey is a ferry ride and drive away from Victoria, where Susan and I live, so it was nice to meet another British Columbian while away in the province of Alberta.

As we continued to get our food, Steve wondered if he had seen me very recently and after a bit of discussion we discovered that not only is he Pastor Steve Witmer, he is also Cybersaltine Steve Witmer, a Cybersalt Digest subscriber for the past 20 years! What followed was a wonderful lunch spent talking and sharing about about ministry experiences, our families (especially grandchildren), and many other things. It was so much fun and such a blessing that I hope we get to do it again soon some time when Steve is on a trip to Vancouver Island.

So here is something I'd like to ask you. Does your pastor and spouse need some time away for retreat of rest, renewal? If your answer is, "No" I humbly suggest (from past ministry experience) that some of you have answered incorrectly. Your pastor and spouse may be putting on brave faces because they don't think they can stop for a rest or feel they can't risk showing or admitting they need a rest. Regardless of how you answered, I recommend that you gift your pastor and their spouse a week long retreat with Kerith Retreats, a Focus on the Family Ministry that Steve is a part of. What's good for your pastor is good for your church and is good for you - www.kerithretreats.ca 

Today's video share is an early video of the star of the Christmas carol, "Little Drummer Boy."
You can watch the video here.

 Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim 

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post, Hominid skull."

We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie".

It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it.

Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.

B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum.

While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positatingfillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe Curator, Antiquities

I hate hotel bath towels ... so thick and fluffy I can't even close my suitcase!

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check.

In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac.

"Nothing to declare but clothing, huh?"

"Right," Mark extemporized. "That, madam, is my nightcap."

"Calling bigotry an opinion is like calling arsenic a flavor."

- Jack Cameron

Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating.

A woman overheard her aunt and uncle one day:

"What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked.

"Nothing," he answered.

"Well, it's not in there. Look under the bed."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

Although my early childhood memories are vague at best, I know that I have always loved riding a bike. Back in the day, children rode three-wheelers until they were maybe 10 or 11. If your folks could scrape together the cash, a two-wheeler might have arrived for your 12th birthday. If memory serves me correctly, I had to master the skill of riding my new treasure by trial and error, although perhaps my older brother assisted in my early efforts.

Riding has always given me a sense of freedom and adventure. There are plenty of beautiful bike trails to explore and living two blocks outside of The Lake Ontario Waterfront Trail means opportunity is at my doorstep.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone!

Grandma Cybersalt and I are away at a conference. We have been blessed in a number of unexpected ways and I am excited to share them with you, but I am typing this on my phone so that is all the news I will share for today. (Also, I cannot set the Issue # on my phone for some reason.)

Enjoy the rest of today's semi-abbreviated digest!

~ Pastor Tim 

Officer Roland, near the end of his shift, noticed a woman driving a small pickup truck with a dog sitting on her lap.  Observing that this was an unsafe manner in which to be operating her vehicle, he pulled her over.

After exiting his cruiser and approaching the woman's driver side window, the lady asked, "Why officer what on earth did you pull me over for?"

Officer: "I pulled you over because it isn't safe to drive with a dog on your lap."

Lady: "Why officer, it is exactly for safety that I have the dog on my lap. You see my truck is an older model and isn't equipped with an air bag.  But that's OK now because this is a special kind of dog just for that purpose!"

Officer: "Just what makes you think its OK to use that dog like an air bag?"

Lady: "Well the man at the pet store did tell me it was a dash-hound."

If Cinderella's shoe fit so perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays awake all night wondering if there is a dog.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."

- Epicurus

One man was downing drinks faster than usual when the man on the barstool next to him said, "What's wrong?"

The first man said, "I'm drinking to the memory of my wife. She was a saint on earth. She went to church every single morning, spent her days reading and quoting the Scriptures, sang hymns and psalms all evening, filled our house with religious statues and paintings, and invited priests and nuns to dinner three times a week."

"She sounds like an angel," the second man commented, "I suppose the good Lord took her early to Himself."

"No," the first man replied. "I strangled her."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.