Click here to view this edition online!
Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings, everyone!
Today marks the beginning of repeating a science experiment to see if I can keep myself alive for a week while Grandma Cybersalt is away at 2 conferences. Fortunately, Costco has already killed and cooked a chicken for me so I should make it until at least Tuesday!
Today's video share is really inspiring testimony from comedian Jeff Allen who tells about the one who totally changed his miserable life.
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's digest!
~ Pastor Tim
Little Bars of Soap
The following is actual correspondence between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
******************************************************
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid-I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in our way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the heck left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
One-Liner #1785
When you think about the vastness of space and how enormous our galaxy is and how big our planet is and how small we are, I'm not really eating all that much cheese.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Census Names
Census Taker: "How many children do you have?"
Woman: "Four."
Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?"
Woman: "Eenee, Meenee, Minee and Frank."
Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child Frank?"
Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe."
Quote #2220
"In all my years of pastoring, I have learned this lesson: A person's spiritual maturity is not truly visible until they DON'T get their way. They you see the real person."
- Erik Reed
Not Knowing All the Words
While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child's voice. I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child's words. When I spotted a boy perched on a rock, I realized why his words had made no sense: He was repeating the alphabet.
"Why are you saying your ABC's so many times?" I asked him.
The child replied, "I'm saying my prayers."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet."
Patiently the child explained, "Well, I don't know all the words, so I give God the letters. He knows what I'm trying to say."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Oh, Memory, How I Miss Thee
Driving home from a luncheon with friends, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage asked me a stunning question.
She is a specialist regarding questions I can’t answer. I am trying to evade her questions and have been very good up until now.
“Did that story you told really happen?” She glanced at me with one of her quizzical looks.
Read more
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Grandma Cybersalt is still away and I am still keeping myself alive at home. I haven't even needed to go to McDonalds yet!
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends, and he took along a few pictures to show to them.
When you die, people cry and beg for you to come back but when you do, there's the running and the screaming...
Cereal killer caught while cashing victim's Chex.
"When God put a calling on your life He already factored in your stupidity."
My friend's 5 year old granddaughter looked at the stars one night and exclaimed, "God's home! All his lights are on!"
Passing an office building late one night, a Goober saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."
Due to inflation you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.
What did the mama buffalo say to the son buffalo when he went off to college?
"Accept that life produces more relationships than you can nurture, [and] activities than you can keep up with."
Two kids are talking to each other.
TRUE STORY!!!!
Deep thought of the day:
A little boy from Minneapolis came home from Sunday school with a frown on his face.
If you're a giver, remember to learn your limits - because takers don't have any.
Walking through a rough part of the city one night, two social workers heard moans and groans and muted cries for help coming from an alley. Walking toward the sound, they found a semi-conscious man.
Our second great grand baby was born at the end of last year. Since then, it has been a delight to watch her grow.
Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped.
By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87% of what little joy you still have left in your life.
Caesar sends Brutus to bring him 12 apples.
"You still haven't met all the people who are going to love you."
+ It's a good thing you came in today. It's the last one we have.