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Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
On my quest to have a zero inbox, I am happy to report that I have managed to get if back down to under 500 emails. Sometimes just keeping on trying is progress in life!
Today's video share is shows what is probably the best time to try and pet an alligator - just be careful of thin ice!
Click here to watch the video
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
Bob's Lesson
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better.
Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
One-Liner #1807
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn and now we wait.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Candidate Pun
A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political election. "More on candidates at 10pm," he said.
My ten-year-old son looked at me in disbelief.
"I didn't know they could call politicians 'morons' on national television!" he said.
Quote #2242
Quote by a forest ranger at Yosemite National Park on why it is hard to design the perfect garbage bin that will prevent bears from breaking into it:
"There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists."
Advice, Arrogance
A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist.
"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor.
The patient answered, "My local General Practitioner."
"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time! Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
While I'm not sure of the procedure now, when I was in the Navy, every so often, you got umpteen shots, whether you needed them or not. The carrier pilot in front of me as we passed thru the line asked for a drink of water after receiving what seemed to be at least a dozen different needles.
The most dangerous kind of canoes are volcanoes.
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
"Always clap for your friends, even if their dreams come true before yours."
A friend and I stayed at a Chicago hotel while attending a convention. Since we weren't used to the big city, we were overly concerned about security.
Sitting in my office working on some projects, I was suddenly surrounded by a familiar aroma. This surprised me because I had no idea what was happening.
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son;
My ten-year-old son informed us that part of his tooth had come out. We checked and, sure enough, a piece had broken off.
"May we think of freedom not as the right to do as we please, but the opportunity to do what is right."
The lady of the house announced to her husband that she was going to the beauty parlor.
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
I don't know how many coffees it takes to be friendly, but so far it's more than 12.
An atheist is a person who has no invisible means of support.
"When the phone was tied with a wire, humans were free."
A teacher was winding up a discussion in her fourth grade class on the importance of curiosity.
Of all the holidays during the year that I like, my birthday is at the bottom of the list. Now that I'm at my current age, I prefer not to be reminded that I'm getting older. All a birthday does for me is tell me I'm just getting older. Who wants to be reminded of that?
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.
Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius died in 1744 aged 43 though his rival Fahrenheit was convinced he was 109.
George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son. The woman behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: "Euro."
Said the horse, "You can lead a human to knowledge, but you can't make it think."
I got some bad news today: You know the money you get from those ATM machines?