Cybersalt Digest Archive

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Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

I attended the celebration of life for my business coach and friend yesterday, and let me tell you - it was so amazing that at the end of it I felt like I didn't want to have one when I die because it could never be that good, lol!

Today's video share is the last song we sang at the service. "Ain't No Grave" is a variation of a Johnny cash song 
Click here to listen to the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim

At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime."

"Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99."

The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"

We have enough youth ... how about a Fountain of Smart?

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Early in the race, a horse stumbled and landed on its side.

After a number of tries the tumbled equine finally regained his footing, but when he tried to run to catch up to the field he found he couldn't even trot.

Calling after his friends he neighed, "I've fallen and I can't giddy-up!"

"My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you're a banana."

- Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

*A Look In the Mirror*

Age 8: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty.

Age 15: Looks at herself and sees herself as Cinderella/Sleeping Beauty/Cheerleader or if she is PMS'ing: sees fat/pimples/UGLY. (Mom I can't go to school looking like this!)

Age 20: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too/short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going anyway.

Age 30: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she goes anyway.

Age 40: Looks at herself and sees "too fat/ too thin, too short/to tall too straight/too curly"- but says: "At least I'm clean" and goes anyway.

Age 50: Looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes where ever she wants to.

Age 60: Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.

Age 70: Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.

Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

I found out today that things are going to be very different for the business side of Cybersalt when September roles around. As you know, I've been enjoying having government funded university students working for me since the beginning of the year. It has been really great on a number of levels!

With summer ending, I was considering hiring some more in the fall, but learned this week that there was no more funding available until next year, maybe. Since I have been working to grow my business, and things are coming together nicelyin that area, I decided I would take the plunge and keep one of the students on staff, at full expense to the company. I spoke to him today to talk about what that might look like for both him and me, and that's when he told me he was taking a new co-op position in September. I am excited for this new opportunity for him. He is a student exploring all the possibilities of his future life and I knew some day he'd be moving on - but I am disappointed it is so soon!

In the midst of all of these happenings I keep wondering what my business coach would think of all this, but he has been in heaven for 2 weeks, so I am being careful to continue on in the things God had him teach me and I am also trying to emulate the faith principles he lived his life by.

Today's video share isn't a video - it's just a link. This page uses artificial intelligence to find the birthplace of "notable" people and is meant purely for entertainment - so don't be surprised if you zoom in on you birthplace and are entertained about who the site thinks is notable from your home town!
Click here to visit the page.

~ Pastor Tim

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership".  He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.  After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines.  The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $1,270,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system.  "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer.  Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars.  According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts.  Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets.  Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views.  Trips to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six million dollars...

In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people.  "There are too many business grads out there," he said.  "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened..."

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up.  When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms.  The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door.  "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants."  Police have the man's charred trousers in custody...

A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!".  "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.  "No, you idiot!" the man shouted.  "This is her husband!"

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.  King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

BBC Radio Suffolk "You weigh up the pros and cons and try to put them in chronological order."

DAVE BASSETT, Radio 5 Live Shane Ritchie: "What's your name?"
Contestant: "Eva."
Shane Ritchie: "Short for?"
Contestant: "Eva."

ITV "If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal."

JIMMY HILL, BBC Fern Brittain: "So you're a schoolteacher.  And what sort of children do you teach?"
Contestant: "Schoolchildren."

BBC2 "You could hear everyone's eyebrows going higher and higher into their foreheads."

Member of 'Piece by Piece', Radio 1 "Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different names."

Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3 "It's like learning to play golf.  Just when you think you've cracked it, they move the goalposts."

Adrian Love, Southern Counties Radio "Cystitis is a living death, it really is.  Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."

Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine "...an idea someone picks up and runs with, only to find they've painted themselves into a corner."

Labour Spokesperson, BBC1 "Morcelli has the four fastest 1500-metre times ever.  And all those times are at 1500 metres."

David Coleman (who else?), BBC1 Listener: "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
Simon Fanshawe: "How awful!  Do you still have an artificial leg?"

Talk Radio "The pit say PUMP ON, that probably means to switch the pump on."

Murray Walker, BBC Interviewer: "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"
15-year-old: "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."

Radio 4 "The lack of money is evident but you've got 12,000 volunteers who'll break their back to make sure it's a success." Today Program (on the Paralympics)

Presenter to palaeontologist: : "So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?"
Guest: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth.
Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"
Guest: "Er, yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks."

When men are growing up and reading about Batman, Spiderman, and Superman, these are not fantasies - these are options.

- Jerry Seinfeld

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"How's Business?" asked the bystander.

Said the street cleaner, "Things are picking up."

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."

- John Lubbock

I went to my bank to refinance a loan on my yacht.

Making small talk with Susan, the loan officer, I told her that she was the main reason I came to that branch.

Not even looking up from her paperwork, Susan responded, "You don't fool me, sailor. I'll bet you have a woman in every bank."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. Suneel Barkat writes . . . . 

The book of Acts is one of my favorite books, I always feel an activity of the Holy Spirit through reading this book. This book is important for understanding early church history. Chapter 1, tells about the ascension of Jesus Christ. Acts 1.9: "After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight." The second chapter is very important for understanding how we can be directed by the Holy Spirit and describes the story of Christianity beginning.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings, everyone.

I was laying in the backyard last night, picking weeds (not pushing daisies yet!), when my phone rang. It was Ray. Ray is an alcoholic.

I hadn't heard from Ray in over a year, but as I answered the phone I groaned inside and prepared myself for another one of those calls where he, being well into a number of beers, would sloppily tell me what a f^%k up he was and how after the weekend he was going to quit drinking.

But this call was different. Ray was actually calling to catch up and to tell me that he was 8 months sober! What a nice change from the usual script since I first met him 15 years or so ago!

Ray's life story is a hard one, partly due to decisions made by others that affected his childhood and partly due to decisions he's repeatedly made to try and cope. For those of you struggling with addiction in your life, don't give up!  If Ray can be sober for 8 months, you can be too!

Today's video share is a gripping one. Angela Loucks Alexander has a powerful story an some interesting facts and she communicates them very clearly!  "Escaping the Hidden Prison of Auditory Processing Disorder" is a powerful presentation!
Click here to watch the video.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

~ Pastor Tim

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs $500."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.

"That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system."

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

"That one costs $2,000."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are; but I laugh more.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

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"I prefer adjoining rooms," said Tom sweetly.

"Anyone who has struggled with poverty knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor."

- James Baldwin

I've learned to seek a message in some simple, homey ways,
And I've found many lessons in the dreariest of days.
So one day in my kitchen, I began to sing a song
About the iron skillet that I've cooked with for so long.

Oh, I've had other vessels of different shapes and brands...
Bowls with copper bottoms, and shiny pots and pans,
But when I need a frying pan, each time I seem to choose
The black cast iron skillet...the one I always use.

No, its not much to look at; its been around awhile,
And in a modern kitchen, I suppose it's out of style.
But it's just the thing for corn bread, or frying up some taters,
So I'll save my stainless steel pans. Could be I'll use them later.

The world is like a kitchen; its people, pots and pans.
Each vessel made for a special use, and not by human hands.
Precious golden chalices and fancy silver cups,
And crystal glasses, waiting for the Lord to fill them up.

Now I'm not much to look at, but the Lord must have a need
For a common country person who moves at her own speed...
Whose clothing isn't fancy and whose manners are quite plain:
If I feel He can use me, then my life is not in vain.

Each person has a purpose...and if only we will see,
God has a plan for everyone, and there's a plan for me.
So maybe now you understand why I can shout and sing:
I'm a cast iron skillet in the kitchen of a King!

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Normally, whatever normal means, I don’t get agitated by many things. I can keep my cool under the most bizarre circumstances. Nothing gets under my skin, and I can take everything with a grin.

I can’t remember the last time I lost my temper and got mad. I’ve been married for over 50 years, so I have experienced everything that I possibly can experience. After making it through these many years of marital bliss, I can handle anything.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Click here to view this edition online!  

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

The other day, Grandma Cybersalt sent me an email inviting me to a date: "Invitation: Septic Pump Out @ Thu Aug 4, 2022 8am - 12pm" Of course, I accepted right away because almost everything is better when I do it with Susan!

Actually, the reason behind this invitation was to keep our two calendars in sync and confirm the unspoken arrangement between us that Susan would book the appointment and I would greet the honey wagon when it arrives.

To make sure I keep up my end of the deal, Susan is out of town - but not by design. She flew to Toronto yesterday to bring our grandson back (on the same day) for a summertime visit. However, a storm caused a delay for one of their flights back and they were both stuck in Calgary last night.

This means that Susan will not be home for one other unspoken part of our deal, being: if the political promises tank truck shows up at 8:00am, she will not be able to wake me up to go out and do my part. But I'm not going to make a big stink about that because I know that "stuff" happens. Nothing is going to hit the fan when she gets back!

Speaking of stuff that happens, today's video share is one I may have already featured in the digest. It was filmed a few miles off shore from where we live and involves a killer whale and a seal.  Here's a hint as to whether you want to watch it or not: "The killer whale wins." If you are one who tends to cheer for the seals, you might like to take a pass on this one.
Click here to watch.

~ Pastor Tim

"I'm going fishing."
    Really means: "I'm going to stand by a stream with a stick in my hand all day, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."
    Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
    Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh-huh." "Sure, honey." "Yes, dear."
    Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
    Really means: "I have no idea how it works."

"We're going to be late."
    Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
    Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
    Really means: "Are you still talking?"

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
    Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
    Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"You know I could never love anyone else."
    Really means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific."
    Really means: "Please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
    Really means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

The best revenge is living well.

- Jerry Seinfeld

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and Help

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I prefer McAfee anti-virus to the other leading software. I guess I'm just anti-Symantec.

"Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds.

You can grow flowers, or you can grow weeds."

- William Wordsworth

German police caught a man playing the flute with both hands as he sped through traffic at 80 miles per hour on a busy highway, Wednesday.

"He was leaning back in the seat and steering the car with his knees and feet," said Bohnert Herzl a police spokes - person. "He looked like he'd had practice."

When caught, the 52-year-old told police he was not actually blowing the instrument. He was just practicing the "holding technique."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.