Nice perfume; must you marinate in it??
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.
Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
Adults are just kids who owe money.
I pretend to work; they pretend to pay me.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left!
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
Ambivialent? Well, yes and no.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Therapy is expensive; poppin' bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up!
Marriage Tip:
"Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that . . .
'This conversation will be recorded for training and quality purposes.'"
Don't bother me; I'm living happily ever after.
I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.