Entertainment

* A lot of life insurance policies cost a great deal of money to maintain. But look on the bright side -- when you die, you'll be rich !

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* Who says that life insurance agents don't have feelings. After I had my heart bypass operation, my agent sent cards and called daily to check on my recovery.

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* An agent for a large insurance company in Ontario handed a life-insurance check to a widow, in full payment for her late husband's policy. He then advised her to take out a policy of her own.

"Why I do believe I will." she replied enthusiastically.

"My husband had such good luck with his."

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* The woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employees' pay.

She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave. AND they paid the full premiums."

"I can't help but asking madam why you would leave a job with such benefits." the interviewer replied.

The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."

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* I was able to obtain some real cheap fire-theft insurance for our home. Turns out however they only pay off if we're robbed during a fire.

Another true life story for the Funnies...

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time.  He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on.  Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place.  Having arrived late, the church was already packed.  The only pew left was the one on the front row.

So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate.  He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew.  As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too.  When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too.  When the man sat down, he sat down.  When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread.  During the preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing.  He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.

Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements.  People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping.  He was, and so the recruit clapped too.  Then the preacher said some words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him stand up.  So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation.  A few people gasped.  He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing.  So he sat down.

After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving.  When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish."

The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't.  It's that obvious?"

"Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.

"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.

"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times have I got to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always come down stairs like that."

"Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."