Entertainment

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the goober driver.  "Sir, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

The goober replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!  I almost had an accident.  I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.  I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me.  I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Sir...  that's your air freshener."

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait! Where is Harry Potter?"

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming, "YOU.....SHALL....NOT..... PASS!"

3. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.

4. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mis..ter Ander-sonnn."

5. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way!"

6. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

7. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep," Monty Python style.

8. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

9. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout, "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

10. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!"

11. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

12. Start an Orc sing-a-long.

13. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

14. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for a tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"

15. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.

16. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.

17. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.

18. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"

Two hikers were walking through some foothills when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.  They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.  Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first hiker picked up a nearby rock and tossed it into the opening.

They listened...  and heard nothing.

The second hiker picked up an even larger rock and tossed it into the opening.

They listened...  and still heard nothing.

Then they both picked up an old railroad tie, dragged it to the edge of the shaft, and hurled it down.

Seconds later a dog came running up between the two men and jumped straight into the hole.  Bewildered, the two men just looked at each other, trying to figure out why a dog would do such a thing.

Soon a young boy ambled onto the scene and asked if either man had seen a dog around here.  The hikers told him about the dog that had just jumped into the hole.

The young boy laughed and said, "That couldn't be my dog.  My dog was tied to a railroad tie!"

Dangling Participle Alert!

~ The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

~ The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

~ Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

~ Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

~ The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

~ We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

~ Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.