Monthly Archive

2005

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 975 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.
Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
8594

Understanding the Metric System

1 million microphones = 1 megaphone1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds10 cards = 1 decacards (or is it 52 cards = 1 deck-a-cards?)1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn1 million read more..

Barb's Mantle
Barbara Sanders
3744

All In How You Play The Game

When your children or grandchildren play sports, you become an avid sports fan, believe me! We have four grandchildren playing sports - football, basketball, and soccer. Right now, it's soccer season,... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3195

Shoplifter Excuse

My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke fr... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4491

Politically Correct Football

The Politically Correct National Football League would like to announce its name changes and schedules for the coming season: The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People o... read more..

Rev. Spence Laycock
Rev. Spence Laycock
3389

Can You Trust It?

What kind of handshake do you have, is it one that is firm but brief in duration, is it soft but hangs on, do your eyes meet their eyes, do they shake your hand or just hold it, do men and women have ... read more..

Peggie's Den
Peggie Bohanon
4023

Clean Is Clean!

"Clean is clean"--depending on who's speaking!  If it's my sons claiming they've "cleaned" their rooms, clean is NOT clean in MOM'S eyes...and when they hung him on the cross, he was not clean ei read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4222

Soap and Water

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper.  When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever se... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2661

What is Marketing?

What is Marketing?You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" That's Direct MarketingYou're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. On... read more..

Melva's Devotions
Melva Cooper
5561

Long Term Care

Until a few weeks ago my husband's 91 year-old mother was able, with help, to still live at home. That all changed when she fell getting out of bed. There were no broken bones, but she had a severely ... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4089

Removing The Dents

A goober left his car out in a hail storm.  When the storm was over he checked the car and found out it was covered with small dents.  He went to the local garage and inquired how to fix the... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2637

Second Try

The insurance salesman, trying to start up a conversation with another fella said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?"The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!"Trying to get out of an embarrassing sit... read more..

Cybersalt Shaker
Pastor Tim
4810

Handiwork and Heart

I have discovered that one of the benefits of having teenagers in my home is that many of the gifts they get are things that I can enjoy playing with. Consider, for example, my son's Nintendo Game Cub... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
6074

Keeping Warm

(switch this one around to suit your favourite/favorite make) Chevy has added wires to the rear window to clear fog and frost. Dodge is adding wires under the wipers so they can be freed when frozen read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2486

Surgeon Feedback

Surgeons invited to dinner parties are often asked to carve the meat -- or worse yet, to watch the host carve while commenting on the surgeon's occupation. At one party, a surgeon friend was watching... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
5926

Boy Scout Tips

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.  Sever... read more..

Pastor Bert Nieuwenhuis
Pastor Bert Nieuwenhuis
4601

Lent and Fasting

A Catholic priest working in an inner city was walking down an alley one evening on his way home when a young man came down the alley behind him and poked a knife against his back. "Give me your money... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2646

Wise President

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo:To all employees; If you must drink during ... read more..

Barb's Mantle
Barbara Sanders
4594

Keeping Up With the Joneses?

So much time is spent worrying about what the Joneses have! What do they have? A large, new home, extravagantly furnished, is built in the up-scaled district of town. Their transportation has been upg... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
3182

College Laundry

My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.When he got off the pla... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4556

Progressive Motherhood

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first: Your Clothes -1st baby: You begi... read more..

Peggie's Den
Peggie Bohanon
6395

At The Foot Of The Cross

They gathered at the Cross that day--the women who loved Him; the guards who stole from Him; the crowd who watched Him--they were all there, to worship, to weep, to mock, to scorn--and to see!  T... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2626

Maine Vets

Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.After almost an hour of pryin... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4037

Goober Mom Writes Goober Son

Dear Son, I am writing slow because I know you can't read fast.  We don't live where we did when you left.  Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, s... read more..

Rev. Spence Laycock
Rev. Spence Laycock
3769

Thessalonian Evidence

Have you ever worried about someone, about how they were doing or how things would turn out? For several years a woman had been having trouble getting to sleep at night because she feared burglars. On... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2616

Mother Ring

While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was wearing a beautiful mother's ring. "I love your ring," I said. "It's very similar to mine." And I held out my h... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4524

Have More Fun at Church

After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up. "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you ... read more..

The Spur
Marcia Lee Laycock
3463

Restoration In Montreal

I was raised with all the tenets of The Church, and tried to do all the right things, say all the right prayers, keep all the right ordinances. I left it, convinced I just wasn't good enough for God. ... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
4956

How You Can Tell It's Going to Be a Rotten Day

-You wake up face down on the pavement. -You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold. -You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office. -Your birthday cake collapses from the weigh read more..

God's Penman
Rev. James L. Snyder
4617

The One Great Sermon That Got Away

Most people don't realize ministers are obligated to prepare and preach one great sermon in their career. In looking over my record of sermons, I noticed many "good" sermons, but an obvious lack in th... read more..

Clean Jokes
Pastor Tim
2635

Rattlesnakes

Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes a... read more..