Cybersalt News

Easter Sunday greetings everyone - the Lord is risen!

My messages from Palm Sunday and Good Friday are now on the Westside Bible Church Site:

You can listen to "Missing Jesus" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/easter/missing-jesus

You can listen to "Good Friday Gulf" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/easter/good-friday-gulf

You will also find a number of past Easter Sunday messages at:
www.westsidefamily.org/tag/319-easter-sunday-sermons

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Blah Blah Blah

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.

When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished!"

The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."

One-liner #1182

Auto-correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.

A Love Supreme

Back in the days before digital music, a woman intended to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.

"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner, "but I have a wife and eleven children."

"Is that a record?" she inquired.

"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

Quote #1629

"The eyes are useless when the mind is blind."

- Milan Kumar

Grace

This actually happened in a youth ministry class at Hannibal-LaGrange College in Missouri.

I left work early so I could have some uninterrupted study time right before the final in my Youth Issues class.

When I got to class, everybody was doing their last minute studying. The teacher came in and said he would review with us for just a little bit before the test. We went through the review, most of it right on the study guide, but there were some things he was reviewing that I had never heard of. When questioned about it, he said that they were in the book and we were responsible for everything in the book. We couldn't really argue with that.

Finally it was time to take the test.

"Leave them face down on the desk until everyone has one and I'll tell you to start," our prof instructed.

When we turned them over, every answer on the test was filled in! The bottom of the last page said the following:

"This is the end of the Final Exam. All the answers on your test are correct. You will receive an 'A' on the final exam. The reason you passed the test is because the creator of the test took it for you. All the work you did in preparation for this test did not help you get the A. You have just experienced...grace."

He then went around the room and asked each student individually, "What is your grade? Do you deserve the grade you are receiving? How much did all your studying for this exam help you achieve your final grade?"

Now I am not a crier by any stretch of the imagination, but I had to fight back tears when answering those questions and thinking about how the Creator has passed the test for me.

Discussion afterward went like this: "I have tried to teach you all semester that you are a recipient of grace. I've tried to communicate to you that you need to demonstrate this gift as you work with young people. Don't hammer them; they are not the enemy. Help them, for they will carry on your ministry if it is full of GRACE!"

Talking about how some of us had probably studied hours and some just a few minutes but had all received the same grade, he pointed to a story Jesus told in Matthew 20. The owner of a vineyard hired people to work in his field and agreed to pay them a certain amount. Several different times during the day, he hired more workers. When it was time to pay them, they all received the same amount. When the ones who had been hired first thing in the morning began complaining, the boss said, "Should you be angry because I am kind?" (Matthew 20:15).

The teacher said he had never done this kind of final before and probably would never do it again, but because of the content of many of our class discussions, he felt like we needed to experience grace.

Have you thanked your Creator today because of the grace you have experienced?

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

I am sure that there are many fine people who work for United Airlines - the airline currently getting hammered online for dragging a paying customer off a flight that was oversold - and my sympathies are with them. Undoubtedly, however, the bigwigs at United Airlines touched a nerve for travelers whose nerves have been touched far too much in recent years by many airlines (but not WestJet I am happy to say!) So, in keeping with the catharsis of the culture, today you'll find "In-flight Service" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/in-flight-service

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Battle Hymn of Term Finals

Mine eyes have seen the horror
Of the ending of the term
It has poisoned all my spirits
Like an apple with a worm
It's infected all my freedom
Like an ugly cancer germ
The truth shall soon be known.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

I have listened to the teachers
But the homework leaves me cold
I have never done assignments
Although many times been told
I have even missed my classes
When I was feeling bold
The truth shall soon be known

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

They are adding all my points up
And I haven't earned but few
In fact, I haven't even gotten
More than one or two
Oh, if I could only find an answer
Anything to do
The truth shall soon be known.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

On the lines of every grade book
There is solemn news for me
The worst is yet to come when
Financial Aid ignores my plea
So I guess the only answer is
To drop my books and flee
The truth shall soon be known.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.

Well, the end has finally come
And I have failed to pass a class
Though the fun and laughter, goofing off
Was really quite a gas
But I won't be in the numbers
Of the capped and gowned mass
The truth was finally shown.

Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure, and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth was finally known.

One-liner #1181

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, eventually they would find me attractive.

Bible Pun 2

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

Quote #1628

"Christians believe in the virgin birth of Jesus. Materialists believe in the virgin birth of the cosmos. Choose your miracle."

- Glen Scrivener @ abr_apologetics

Psalm 53:1, Psalm 14:1, April 1

An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate.

The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.

The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said, "Case dismissed!"

The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, "Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews - why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah.....and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"

The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said, "Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!"

The ACLU lawyer pompously said, "We are aware of no such holiday for atheists - just when might that be?"

The judge said, "Well it comes every year at the same time - April 1st"!

"Only fools says in their hearts, 'There is no God.'" - Psalm 53:1, Psalm 14:1

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Cybersalt News

Palm Sunday greetings everyone. If you missed church today, or re looking for more Palm Sunday messages, you will find 7 Palm Sunday sermons on the page at:

www.westsidefamily.org/tag/212-palm-sunday-sermons

Rev. James Snyder's friends are getting old and he is perfectly happy to keep up with them. You can read "All My Friends Are Getting Old" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/the-high-cost-of-speaking-your-mind

My message from last week has been uploaded to the Westside Bible Church website. You can listen to "Sarah and Abraham - Hall of Faith" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/sarah-and-abraham-hall-of-faith

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Burger Change

I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work. I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29. She said "that'll be $4.83, please drive forward."

"$4.83? For a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right," my mind raced. Tax is 8 cents on the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 (29) of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. Someone did just that to me at a Hardees couple of years ago.

I didn't have my calculator watch (I lost it a while back) so I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me.

Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said "what's the sales tax in Huntsville?" She didn't know. I said "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager.

So the manager comes over. I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that's over 12 percent sales tax.

She got a funny look on her face and said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. (biggie upgrade was 35 cents - which would be 4.64 plus tax which would put it over $5). She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change.

"HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me."

I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off without my food.

One-liner #1180

I used to just crastinate, but I got so good, I went pro!

Clergy Types

Forgive me, Father, Pastor, Vicar, Padre, Priest ... for I have synonymed.

Quote #1627

"Grace often grows strongest where conviction of sin has pierced deepest."

- Sinclair Ferguson

Where God Ain't

He was just a little boy, on a week's first day.
He was wandering home from Sunday School, and dawdling on the way.

He scuffed his shoes into the grass; he found a caterpillar.
He found a fluffy milkweed pod, and blew out all the "filler."

A bird's nest in a tree overhead, so wisely placed on high.
Was just another wonder that caught his eager eye.

A neighbor watched his zig zag course, and hailed him from the lawn;
Asked him where he'd been that day and what was going on.

"I've been to Bible School," he said and turned a piece of sod.
He picked up a wiggly worm replying, "I've learned a lot of God."

"M'm very fine way," the neighbor said, "for a boy to spend his time."
"If you'll tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime."

Quick as a flash the answer came! Nor were his accents faint.
"I'll give you a dollar, Mister, if you can tell me where God ain't."

-- Author Unknown

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Any youngest kids out there?  Ever get a cake like the one in today's newest funny picture on the Cybersalt Site. You'll find "Youngest Cake" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/youngest-cake

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Lost Goober Hunters

If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here.

My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though.

"Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us."

They shot in the air three times, but no one came.

After a while, they tried it again.

Still no response.

When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows."

One-liner #1179

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Hated Key

I hate the key of e-minor.

It gives me the e-b-g-b's

Quote #1626

"The Bible is meant to be bread for daily use, not cake for special occasions."

Frustration

The minister stormed into the vestry and flung his sermon notes on the table.

"Today," he shouted to the church officer, "I have preached to a congregation of jackasses!"

The Church officer nodded, "So that was why you kept calling them 'beloved brethren.'"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Forward this e-mail to a friend

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.