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Cybersalt Digest Archive
A woman had a medical problem - her husband's snoring.
Often when one door closes and another door opens ... you're in prison.
Being a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
God uses little peopleIf you can't see this e-mail properly, view it online
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We've all been told how important it is to use correct punctuation. Well, here is a letter that illustrates the fact:
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
You've heard of Murphy's law right?
There is a special place in life,
Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone.
Rev. James Snyder recently sat through a 90 minute timeshare presentation that lasted 3 hours and that got him appreciating a suspicious mind. You can read more about the whole episode in "A Suspicious Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/a-suspicious-mind-is-a-terrible-thing-to-waste
The next message in my "Hall of Faith" series from Hebrews 11 is on the Westside Bible Church site. You can listen to "Abraham 1 - Hall of Faith" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/abraham-1-hall-of-faith
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Why Some Countries CAN'T Go Metric
If the metric system did ever take over, we'd have to change our thinking to the following:
* A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
* Put your best 0.3 of a meter forward.
* Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
* Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
* Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.06 kilometers.
* Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1176
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Do one thing every day that scares you;" and that's why I weigh myself in the mornings.
Today's Clean Pun
Who's there?
Whoever invented "knock, knock" jokes should get a no-bell prize.
Today's Quote
Quote #1623
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new."
- Socrates
Today's Illustration
Lesson Learned
When my son was around 4 years old, we went to the local drug store one afternoon. While in the check out he noticed a bald-headed man behind us in line. I had, as good moms do, been teaching him manners, especially how important they are when in public. I noticed the man the same time my son did and just prayed that he would remember what I had taught him.
Within seconds, at an unusually quiet moment in the store, my son proclaimed, "Look mama, that man ain't got no hair!" The man was understanding, and even smiled at my son.
Next, without warning, my son shouted, "And look, he ain't got no teeth either!!"
I couldn't get out of there fast enough. To make matters more awkward yet, while we were in the parking lot the man walked over and spoke very kindly to my son. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his false teeth, and said, "I do have my teeth, I just haven't brushed yet."
My son has never had a cavity and he is now twenty years old. I guess some lessons are learned in the oddest ways.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
It looks like Marie Antoinette is at it again - only this time she is giving advice to winter drivers! You'll see what we mean in "Drive with Cake" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-signs/sign-drive-with-cake
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Fishy Dinner
A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children.
All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!"
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1175
I just wish pictures and mirrors could agree on what I actually look like.
Today's Clean Pun
Don't Laugh
PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.
Today's Quote
Quote #1622
"Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent free in your head."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
Chavez Prayer
Show me the suffering of the most miserable;
So I will know my people's plight.
Free me to pray for others;
For you are present in every person.
Help me to take responsibility for my own life;
So that I can be free at last.
Give me honesty and patience;
So that I can work with other workers.
Bring forth song and celebration;
So that the Spirit will be alive among us.
Let the Spirit flourish and grow;
So that we will never tire of the struggle.
Let us remember those who have died for justice;
For they have given us life.
Help us love even those who hate us;
So we can change the world. Amen
- Cesar Chavez (1927 - 1993)
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone.
Rev. James Snyder recently had a drunk call him at 2:37 in the morning to ask a question about Jonah and the whale. I suppose that is one of the hazards of putting your phone number at the end of article you post online. The episode was a reminder to him that anyone who sincerely inquires of God receives an answer. You can read more about the whole episode in "Would You Like A Burp With That Hiccup?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/would-you-like-a-burp-with-that-hiccup
The next message in my "Hall of Faith" series from Hebrews 11 is on the Westside Bible Church site. You can listen to "Noah - Hall of Faith" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/noah-hall-of-faith
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Help Desk
A man who worked the help desk for a large company received a call one day from a co-worker who called him because she couldn't figure out why her computer wouldn't come on.
So he asked her, "Did you plug it in?"
"Yes."
He then asked her, "Did you turn in on?"
She said, "Yes. What do you think I am? Some kind of goober?"
So, he went to her cubicle to take a look at her computer.
She was perplexed. "See? I plugged the computer into the surge protector."
The guy goes, "Yea, but you plugged the surge protector into itself."
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1174
They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry; it's been several days now ... what should I do?
Today's Clean Pun
Amazing Product
Whiteboards ... they're remarkable.
Today's Quote
Quote #1621
"Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls. The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
How to Fast
Fast from judging others;
Feast on Christ dwelling in them.
Fast from apparent darkness;
Feast on the reality of light.
Fast from pessimism;
Feast on optimism.
Fast from thoughts of illness;
Feast on the healing power of God.
Fast from words that pollute;
Feast on phrases that purify.
Fast from anger;
Feast on patience.
Fast from worry;
Feast on Divine Providence.
Fast from unrelenting pressure;
Feast on unceasing prayer.
Fast from negatives;
Feast on positives.
Fast from complaining;
Feast on appreciation.
Fast from hostility;
Feast on non-resistance.
Fast from bitterness;
Feast on forgiveness.
Fast from anxiety;
Feast on hope.
Fast from yourself;
Feast on a silent heart.
- Unknown
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.