Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone.
Rev. James Snyder is confused about daylight saving time. You can read more about that in "Where in the World Does Time Go?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/what-time-is-it-really
Also, the Westside Bible Church website has been updated with the audio recording of last Sunday's sermon. It was preached by one of the elders at my church. You can listen to "Olympian Life" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/olympian-life
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Some Wacky Definitions
EGOCENTRIC: a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
MAGAZINE: bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue.
EMERGENCY NUMBERS: police station, fire department and places that deliver.
OPERA: when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
BUFFET: a French word that means, "Get up and get it yourself."
BABY-SITTER: a teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.
TRAFFIC LIGHT: apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
PIONEER: early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
PEOPLE: some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority have no idea what's happened.
SWIMMING POOL: a mob of people with water in it.
SELF-CONTROL: the ability to eat only one peanut.
TATTOO: permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1170
I am really bad at measuring pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti, come on over!
Today's Clean Pun
Two-Wheel Woes
"I hate being half bicycle - half motorcycle," he moped.
Today's Quote
Quote #1618
"If you don't feel pain, you won't feel anything else."
- Gillian Rose, in her unfinished Paradiso
Today's Illustration
Potluck Chips
My friend Betty is in charge of hospitality for a church planted by her son-in-law. The church is in a college area and most of the members are recent college graduates.
The first year the pastor offered membership classes for newcomers. Many of them had not been raised in church and needed to learn a lot. At the end of the classes, he decided to hold a pot luck dinner to help the group bond.
He couldn't host all of them at once, so 15 people were invited to his apartment for the first dinner. Fifteen young adults all showed up with a bag of chips. He had to order out pizza to feed them.
Betty knew one of the young women better than the others and that she had been raised in church, so she asked, "Chips, really? Haven't you ever been to a pot luck at your church?"
"Sure," the young woman replied, "but the adults made all of the food."
Ten years or so down the line from that first class, the church still hosts dinners at the end of the membership classes but the church ladies (my friend Betty and other women in their 50s, 60s, and 70s) prepare all the food.
So the question now is....what happens to a millennial church when all of the church ladies retire or pass away?
- Thanks to Kathy Kexel for submitting this.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?"
Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people; we haven't met yet.
I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia!
A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd just escaped a tornado.
- Taco Bell's talking dog now reading announcements.
I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.
"You call this a musical?" asked Les miserably.
Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!